Crash Course in Fixing a Lava Lamp

At work, I have a co-worker that's a garage-sale-aholic. She had this lava lamp on her desk that she rescued after being shaken, but it had started turning itself off and she had to bang it to get it to work again. Finally it turned off all together. We were talking, because she had another and I told her I should really get one for my cube, she pointed to the broken one and said "if you can fix it, you can have it." 

So I accepted the challenge. I took the lava lamp back to my desk and on my lunch hour I started messing with it. I found that if i pressed on the bottom, the light would turn back on. So i pulled off the felt and found a bolt, which i then tightened and voila! the lava lamp worked again. The fix took about two minutes total. 

I went over to her and told her i fixed it. This was met with a chorus of NUH UH!s from the group that had been contemplating the broken lava lamp for months. But even though i offered the lava lamp back (It's very pretty, yellow wax with purple water, makes the wax red when it gets towards the top oddly enough), she said i should keep it since we had a bargin. So i had a lava lamp at my desk, much to my enjoyment.

After about a week, I started noticing that the lava lamp would periodically turn off and back on after about a minute. Pretty soon, I was tapping the base, just like she had described. So i took the felt off again and tried to tighten the bolt again, only this time, the whole thing turned off completely and wouldn't turn back on. Whoops. 

Since i wasn't about to give up on this lava lamp, I tried to get inside. When you took out the bulb, there was a golf ball sized hole where you could see the porcelain socket. But the bottom had a steel plate with a hole the size of an eraser head with the bolt coming through and that was it. The base was not designed to come apart. Probably smart on the part of the manufacturer, but very annoying for me. So armed with a needle nose pliers, a small screw driver, a flat staple remover, an unbent paper clip, and a surgical style clamp (like they use in surgery) I began the very tricky task of fixing the lava lamp base.

Once i unscrewed the bolt in the bottom, the socket fell loose and rolled around inside. It was then that i could see that one of the wires had popped completely off the socket. So that was the problem. Ok, I knew how to re-wire a lamp. Somehow, through this golf ball sized hole, i would have to manipulate the socket, screw, and wire all back into their proper places.

It was far from easy. Took me a full lunch hour and a break, significant muttering under my breath, and getting VERY creative with some angles and my tools. The wire wouldn't slide into the base any further, so i had to work inside the tiny cone. Finally,  the wire was looped back around the screw and re-tightened. I put the socket back into place, tightened the bolt, and put the bulb back in. 

The moment of truth, i spun the switch and....nothing. I couldn't understand it. It was still broken! The configuration wasn't that complex, two screws, two wires, and a bolt. After more fiddling after work, the stupid thing still wouldn't work. So i went home for the night. 

It bothered me, as i laid in bed. I thought about how to fix the lava lamp. I knew that the lamps were only about 20$ and this really wasn't worth the effort. But now it was personal. I was going to fix it. 

So as i went about my morning routine and the routine at work, it continued to infest my mind. If i had been smart, i would have put it out of sight, but i had left it in my line of vision where it normally stood. So on my first break, i started fiddling with it again. Checked the bolt, checked the switch, checked the wires, checked that the bulb wasn't burnt out. 

By all reasoning, the lamp should have worked! Maybe the wire was bad, so i followed it, all the way down to the power strip where it was plugged in. 

Inspecting this led to a revelation. The on light on the power strip wasn't on. It couldn't be that easy could it? A short? I flipped it off and back on. No change. I switched the plug to the other one in the pair; still nothing. Finally i moved it over to the other plug i KNEW worked. The power strip lit up, and as i peeked over the edge of my desk and was blinded by the base since it was facing me with the bulb in it. 

Shortly there after, i had re-assembled my pretty lava lamp and the whole thing worked fabulously. My lava lamp is fixed. And with any luck...will stay that way for a change. 

I'm thinking about changing its name from Trippy the Lava Lamp to something a little less polite.

 

Box breaking

My company is very conservative when it comes to their graphics. From my desk i can see at least ten examples of the kinds of things they like. Orderly, simple, nothing too extravagant, too bright, or different from the layouts they have used since the 1960s.

The annual calendar had been done by the same lady for at least 10 years and each year, she just kept the same layout and just changed the banner graphic. They were...nice. Not amazing, but nice.

When i came on board for last year's calendar, i started playing around without being asked. When i came across the idea to put the graphic behind the calendar and have the date squares be just slightly translucent...all of a sudden, they were amazed. It was something they'd never considered before and they LIKED IT!

This year, something similar happened. They had two ideas and wanted some examples of different ways to go about it. So i gave them what they wanted. 2 examples and some simple variations.

My design :) Planet Saturn with the
Cassini sattelite in orbit. 

And then, something struck me. A perfect design was already there, i just had to clear away what wasn't working (read: the standby layout). So i started playing around...again without being asked. I split the months into two 6-month sections for the top and the bottom. Then i put the graphic all the way across the back, and year and other graphics in the middle. The result was really cool. I liked it. Two co-workers liked it. Boyfriend Jon liked it.

So i went to the presentation meeting and handed them what they asked for. They hummed and hawed over it for a few minutes until i offered my take on the design. It didn't take long for them to agree that my design was their favorite with some minor tweaks, which i had expected to be brought up. But overall they loved it. which makes me so happy.

So now, the Saturn planet is being re-done for color correctness, and the rings will be cleaned up but then i'll start adding the dates, holidays and other necessary information. It's shaping up to be a very pretty year :)

Getting swept up

You know the feeling that time slows down the closer it draws to an exciting event. Yeah, that's not happening for me.

So much is going on that i'm trying to just relax and flow with it. Boyfriend Jon is left on a jet plane again last night to go back to California again. He's going to be gone all weekend. I'm a little bit, just a tiny little bit, glad he's going to be gone. Sure i'll miss him like crazy and probably take a flying leap into his arms when he comes home, but i have so much to do this weekend.

Last year, i slid myself into position to do a graphics project at work, designing the next year's company poster. I came in with 2 weeks to deadline and the team and I knocked it out of the ballpark. People are still (it's october) commenting to me about how much they love the calendar and wanting to know if i'm going to be working on it again.

I'm excited to say, I am. :D

I got the go ahead yesterday to start designing the 2012 calendar. More specifically, i got the go ahead to play around with 4-6 different options to give the team options to choose from before we pick one and get to work. There's a bunch things i really want to do differently. I want to take chances and try completely different layouts. The catch is that my company and the other members of the team are a lot more conservative than i am. So i'm limited in how much i can change things. But sometimes, things just work out for me.

One of the designs involves the beautiful planet Saturn, one of my favorites to mimic for digitial work. I plan on making that the one i root for (and maybe tweak to look a little bit nicer). But i also feel compelled to make a drastic change to the layout to allow for a completely different perspective than the rest of the team is expecting.

Honestly, i could sit and learn from Photoshop tutorials all day long and never be bored. It is a serious stress relief to me. Even if i'm having trouble with the steps, i still can't tear myself way from it. And it's the best feeling in the world to finally get it right. Triumph will be mine.

To give the calendar a completely different feel from last year, i even get to learn new techniques. It's going to be so much fun. And, i'm getting paid for this. Best weekend ever!

Broke, Frustrated and Getting By

Most of these last couple of weeks I've just been overwhelmed. I've had a lot of bills come in at inconvenient intervals, and lots of things i needed to spend money on. With my rent, car payment, car tabs, and a medical bill all coming out of the same paycheck, i was effectively broke. And I hate being broke. This doesn't happen often. It's gotten tight before but I've never been down this low for this long. At least looking back, i had some fun.

Two weeks ago, I attended my first Bachelorette Party. It was...interesting. I have no problem with nudity, having been an art student for several years. But paying that much to watch very skinny women took their tops off while the hunky men kept their briefs on...was kind of a let down. However, there were plenty of cirque du sole style acrobats and feats of sheer strength which were amazing to watch. I personally could have done without the furry and bondage acts though. Not my thing.

I was also designated driver. Also not a problem since i rarely drink. But it never fails to amuse me how people claim they're not drunk when they can barely walk in a straight line. And the bachelorette took the cake with her quote for the night. I showed them my bamboo parasol that i had just purchased and she took one look at it and said "Do you have any idea how big of a drink you could fit that in?" as she swayed in her heels. Everyone got home safe and had a good time.

That was the end of the festivities for a while:

I was asked to help fill in for a position that was abruptly vacated (in a good way) which had nothing to do with anything i'd ever done before. I was told that i would get written instructions, 1 on 1 training, and be able to call on the person who designed the position for help if i had questions.

Heh, yeah right. Not only were there no written instructions anywhere, i had about 2 hours of instruction before my trainer went on a week's vacation. This also took 2-3 hours of my workday away to fumble through my new appointment with no allowance for overtime. My team was not happy about loosing my assistance and made a point of telling me so like it was my fault. And the two women who have been the bane of my existence had a field day with my mess ups and passive aggressive conversations on the other side of a cubicle wall.

I've been miserable in pretty much every regard of my job for the last two weeks. Boyfriend Jon has been a saving grace listening to my broken record of "i hate this and this and that too." I know i should be grateful to even have a job in this economy, but i don't feel grateful to work in a hostile work environment where nothing ever changes no matter how much you shine.

I drove my frustrations into physical work. I think this is the first Monday where there are no clothes to be folded, no dishes piled high on the sink, and no sentient life growing in the fridge. There are still my containers of random junk that i haven't put away properly scattered all around and a large garbage bag of mixed up keep, junk and trash from my car. I had planned on getting some of them taken care of, but instead spent the time outside enjoying the rare beautiful weather at a potluck with friends, car shopping with Jon and a Poker night with more friends.

Oh the car shopping. Boyfriend Jon is looking at cars. So it's been a couple weeks of going to dealerships and trying to not cringe away from the salesmen, test driving, and hours of talking about the pros and cons of each car. But he thinks we found it, even though we went there on a lark. Watching him, reminded me so much of when i bought my first car. I remember that feeling of "I'm tired of looking, this is my car!" and the knot of anxiety in your stomach when you start taking numbers. I remember researching that car to death and in several cases, knowing more than the salesman. I was determined to not let them screw me over and in the end, and even my dad was proud of how much i got knocked off the sticker price. We'll see what happens in the near future for Boyfriend Jon. Whatever the case may be, i'm behind him 100%.

Work duels

Is it just me or does sending an email claiming "Peace - accept my apologies - sincerely sent" completely erroneous when i hear than an hour later the person who sent it is trash talking me two minutes ago? That doesn't fall into the category of a sincere apology in my book and i hope not in anyone else's.

This whole mess is over a insignificant phrase on that project I worked on. Right, the project that she REFUSED to have anything to do with until after the deadline had passed. And then she went berserk over something she wanted change.

Well, i'm done being brow beaten, bullied and being pulled into the middle of her attempt to skirt around what has already been set in stone. She can make up stickers for all i care to change the phrase.

She's pretty much running uphill without any bullets. I did this as a courtesy to the company. I volunteered my help. It's not like she can make me do it. So why would i go out of my way for someone who's being a SNARKY JUVENILE BRAT?

is there a worse time for this?

So, in my building with roughly 200 people in it. There are three admins. Just three. For the most part, we handled our own business occasionally soliciting some help from the others. We were all pretty busy from what i could tell.

But as it's summer, it was time for Diana's trip to Scottland. The last time she went, her and her husband were in a horrible car accident. By sheer luck, both of them made it back alive. Back then i had been horrified at the thought of being without her as my counterpart. I have said before, and i'll say it again. The day Diana leaves, i'll be on her heels. More than a year and a half has gone by since the last time Diana took a serious trip. And in that time i have learned, i have grown and i've developed the ability to adapt and delegate.

Or....so I thought. This time, instead of begging Diana not to go and leave me at the whims of her boss (my boss's boss), i simply insisted that she comes back on time. Sure i can handle this for three weeks. Difficult, but not utterly impossible.

Again. So i thought. I had gotten through both of our's morning chores with some head scratching, fuming but with my hair mostly still attached. Only to learn quite suddenly that the only other admin in the building had been laid off effective immediately. A quite, little older lady who had been dying her hair auburn for far too long and pretty whimsical glasses would be arriving at work no more. Her pragmatic disposition and patient indulgence of even the most ridiculous requests would no longer be a comfort to me on bad days. And what was worse. I could no longer turn to her for help.

By no means was i more concerned for myself than her, but now that she's gone and all that's left of her are T pins where her family pictures had once been and stacks of paper....i can't help but feel a small amount of hysteria over the apparently insurmountable task I'm faced with. 200 people versus little ole me.

I know the ole mantra "Do your best and no less" but really. That just isn't very comforting right now.

I guess this just gets piled on my stress layers. How long till it teeters over?

In the few brief moments i have to myself this week

Let me preface this by saying: I am thankful to have a job, with benefits, good pay and a relatively safe work environment.

and let me end it by saying: If diana tries to go on vacation again i'm going to duct tape her to her chair.

It is not feasible for 1 person to do the job of 2 and a half people with only 1 and 2/3's hand usage and to still meet deadlines.
And i wish fervently for a boss's boss who would actually realize this...

The day of interesting walk by-s at my desk

Today seems to be the day where my cubical opening is the turning point for EVERYONE.
There is a 4 way intersection right outside of my cubicle. I have one of those blind spot concave mirrors next to my monitor in which I have seen:

• multiple "Stop and stare at the ceiling/floor and wait for the light bulb to turn back on" while impeding traffic
  
• 3 people seriously fast walking past my desk multiple times. I love it when they try to turn the corner and they essentially swerve into on-coming traffic.
• 2 walk up to my desk and do an all out about face right at my opening and go back the way they had come without missing a beat
• 2 indecisive where they start walking one way, then turn a different direction, take 1-2 steps and turn in a completely different direction. Lather rinse repeat.
• 1 person walk into my cubical wall because they decided to change direction as they approached but didn't turn fast enough or turned too late.
  
• 1 person running like they're tied up like a stiff backed mummy with only their legs from the knees down unbound (that was interesting)
• And a partridge in a pear tree... (ok, so not really, but the ending amuses me)

Maybe we should install traffic lights at all intersections and issue traffic tickets to stupidity offenders.

I found the conversation police at work

My best friend was laid off. I fully believe (after witnessing several confrontations, reading emails between them and listening in on phone conversations) that I know the root cause for this. I have MANY opinions about this, and 99% of my opinions tend to cause people to fluff their feathers and get uncomfortable. However, at work, you're supposed to be politically correct.

SO!!
WHEN ASKED!!! and ONLY WHEN ASKED!!!
I first give them a choice: "Do you want to politically correct version or what really happened?"
Politically correct version: [my friend] has left the company
Usually i get one of two responses: "I want to know what really happened" or "the incorrect version"

this is my starting response: "There was a personality conflict between [my friend] and his boss that escalated and in the end [my friend] was laid off."
The more questions they ask, the more detail I go into. If i make a derogatory statement towards the remaining person, I'll preface it with "I think..." or "In my opinion..." or "I believe"

This is what I have been doing since Monday. Actively making sure, I don't let an opinion slip out without one of those disclaimers mostly because i know I'm angry and somewhat prejudiced.

Now, someone whom i wasn't even talking to decided to tell me that i shouldn't be doing this. That I'm defaming the company who laid off my friend. And then THREATEN to turn me into HR...you can call it what you like but when you say "(if you don't stop) I'm gonna go to HR" that's a threat...

I hear you.
I understand that you are trying to look out for my well being and that you're not doing this just be a jerk.
I wholeheartedly disagree with your opinion.
I believe you didn't know [my friend] very well, or you didn't care for him very much.
I think your moral compass is WAY off if you believe they pay you enough here to essentially LIE for them by keeping your mouth shut.

So! Do what you need to do. That's what I'm doing.

Maybe that's why i wasn't very popular in school:
I wasn't afraid to do what was right instead of what was popular.

The Five Stages of Grief

It's probably not a good idea to be writing this now while I'm still stuck solidly in the first stage which is anger, but I need to get this out or I'll spend the rest of my day with it going through my head and overwriting any function i need for my job.

My dear friend, adopted uncle, and esteemed colleague flagged me down this morning as i drove into work. He was on the phone at the time, but I put down my window and told me four words which essentially ruined my day. "I just got fired".

A little back story: Mark Telford came into the company on a contract with our copiers. He was their employee but worked on our site every day. Mark quickly earned not only my respect as a perfectionist, but my friendship as well with his no-nonsense but fun attitude. Before him, we had another site operator who was, sorry to say, completely useless. Mark was everything we needed and more with a smile and a joke.
But as it always seems now adays, those who are good at what they do, but don't kiss ass, don't get anywhere. Mark tried for a manager position within his company, and instead they hired in someone who needed help whiping his ass.
Now before you write my opinion of this manager off as animosity that my friend didn't get the job, let me explain a few things:

• Mark had more experiance doing the job he was doing, than the years this kid had been alive.
• Mark is a Ride Captain for the Patriot Guard Riders and has proven his managing skills in that, constantly.
• The quality of Mark's work is always important to him. I've personally seen him tweak things but 1/16 of an inch to make sure it's centered and all fits where it needs to.
  

whereas on the other hand:

• Mike shows up wearing a yellow hoodie with food spills on it. When i pointed it out to him, he lifts up his hoodie to show me he had a button down shirt underneath it. Which i promtly pointed out ALSO had stains on it and wasn't ironed. Professionability out the window.
  
• I was handed back a project which needed holes drilled in it with the back sheets all torn up because he didn't use the machine properly. And i'm a firm believer of you don't hand shoddy workmanship back to a customer because it's a reflection of yourself. And when i requested it be re-done...he looked at me blankly like "what's wrong with it?" I believe that a manager should be able to do the job beneath them and do it right.
  
• Mark went into the ER one day, and the only phone calls he recieved from Mike were "When are you comming back to work?"

He's a bonified jerk. I say this after having met with him, speaking with him, dealing with him, and observing his behavior towards Mark. I have ZERO respect for him and I am OUTRAGED that he would utterly twist Marks words to turn upper management against him.

Mike i have a message for you: Stay the fuck away from me or you'll get introduced to my right hook and she's more of a bitch than I am.

Mark, we will try everything we can to get you back here and in the meantime, I'll miss you very much.

Feeling like a cartoon ostritch

Hitting the ground running is an expression that pales in comparason of how my morning actually went.
Between having to fix a drastic mistake i made last night before leaving work(that was totally my bad and stupid fat fingers!), and running around because it was already late and getting yelled at for something that wasn't my fault, as well as doing things i have no idea of how to do and one of the most rude displays by a co-worker i've ever seen here. I was ready to go home and stick my head in the sand at about 10am. Or at least under my pillow.
Now the last two hours have been going by "like molassas in wintertime". If i wernt' meeting potential roommates tonight, i'd probably pour myself "something tall and strong" and pass out by 8.
On the plus side, I somehow managed to miss two new books out by one of my all time favorite authors! and i got them both for 17$ including shipping! I love amazon!

Musings for today

I've spent most of today punching in numbers for an obscenly obnoxious archiving project. I did this a year and a half ago while i was a temp and when it didn't matter if i spent my entire day punching numbers because no one would ask what i was doing.
But now it's a completely different matter. I have a team that i directly support and i solve their crisis's on a hourly basis. (i really ought to start charging). What's more is that i no longer work under that department.
But when it suddenly pops up that no one's been keeping up with the archiving (the person who should have been instead is browsing ebay and chatting for about half her day. I'd know, she's on the other side of the wall from me)....guess who they call in.
Yeah that's right...i'm reduced back down to a temp level and my team is told that they basically have to do without me until i get through all 56 boxes. Why? because i get the job done efficiently and right on the first try. Me and my stupid work ethic. Yeah, i goof off, but only when my inbox is EMPTY and all of my tasks are completed. and i'm told "don't make us fire you cause you won't do archiving"
It's not a matter of not being willing to do it, it's more of what do they want more....all of the miscelanious crap tedious work in my inbox....or the archiving. I can't just fit the archiving in....or maybe i can...somewhere between my manicure and nap (as if)
CAUSE THEY AREN'T GONNA GET BOTH!!!

Bla day

aside from some drama at work....Meg I love you dearly, BUT I have not evolved so much as to be able to read your fucking PMSing mind!!!!....today has been pretty bla.

Punched number for wOOt!!!! 4 and a half hours!!!!!-_- My brain pretty much contemplating what it would actually feel like for my body to actually melt as though i had no bones like they do in saturday morning cartoons the entire time.

just...don't ask.

Got through my week list of things to do now just have to pester two people to give me what i want.

6 months ago, I asked the EH&S leader (emergency and safety guru) what i would need to do to join the building specific response teams since there are no female team members in my building. Not a sexist deal, just thinking that what if something happens in the ladies room. The victim might prefer to not have a guy comming in to help her.

Also 6 months ago, we had two incidents. One where someone died at my company, and another where I had to run full sprint to stop the ambulence from leaving because no one followed the proper procedure and they didn't know where to go.
So my solution: EMERGENCY BOARDS THAT TELL YOU WHAT TO DO!!!

At the time there were only two lists which were small print and over a year out of date and they were located very far away from where the incedents occured. I was a little ticked at how badly prepared we were for the two emergencies and took it upon myself to propose a solution to the safety board. It was well recieved and then a group took it over....and nothing has really happened for 6 months even though apparently they're doing my proposal almost exactly.

If they're doing almost the same thing.....why in the hell has it taken so long? This seriously could have been up and running in under a month of when i put the proposal.

So join the emergency team and get those damn boards up already!
********************
In other news...hanging out with my friend Trey tonight or tomorrow whenever he manages to show up. That boy seriously need a PDA.
But he's fun to hang with anyway.

More Yoga for me please. It's the first exercise where I look foward to doing it.