Crazy Week

So just this week, I've already had my sister's birthday, and today is my father's birthday. On top of that, my counterpart at work, Diana, is out of the office for two and a half weeks while she goes to Hawaii on vacation. So this week has been beyond crazy. Boyfriend Jon was a sweetheart and mercifully rubbed my feet since i had hardly sat down all day.

I made my sister a cake, which was decorated in less than an hour and a half with icing that was too thin, because i couldn't cool it properly before i started working with it. So rather than covering her cake in icing roses (which decided to flop off the rose nail), i settled for leaves trailing down the sides, and hot pink rosebuds around the top perimeter. I ran out the door and was a few minutes late to dinner. And i was SO rushed out the door, i forgot my camera and cell phone....which could have been used to take a picture. I'm sorry.

My dad, the baker in the family, was very impressed at what i had managed to throw together, and he says he has passed the torch onto me. But for his birthday, he has requested cupcakes. If you read back to my friend's wedding last summer you'll know that i swore i would never do cupcakes again. After two hundred and having to borrow cupcake pans.....yeah, never again. And i'm not breaking that stride yet. Dad doesn't know this, but i'm purchasing cupcakes from a local store instead. We only need three. The thought of having to clean my kitchen, make two dozen cupcakes, make icing, decorate and clean again....i don't have the energy.

This week at work i've been doing the work of two people who are already overloaded. Not to mention i'm helping people who seem to leave their brains at their desk when they come to see me. There is a bright florescent orange arrow on my desk at the entrance that is labeled and points to my inbox. They are still putting things on my chair or on my keyboard...and it's stuff that can wait. When i asked them if they saw the arrow, more than one said "Yes, i saw it, but i didn't understand what it meant". Tell me...does this look like they need the Rosetta Stone?

Yes, this is true. And no, i don't understand it either. Someone reminded me..."no matter how idiot proof you make it, somewhere there's always a better idiot."

The plans for the weekend involve being out in the sun at all times. FINALLY, we're getting a sunny weekend in the Pacific Northwest! Hallelujah! I'm going biking with or without Boyfriend Jon. If there's sun i intend to be out in it.

When Facebook was for college students

When Facebook was for college students:

Friending wasn't a guilt trip.

• Yes, obscure relative, we are related by blood, but that doesn't mean i want to know what you did in FARM-VILLE every day (even if it's not the AP that's loading the status). Nor do i want you to hear about the dirty joke that was between my friends that you're going to write me an email about how crude you find it. 
• Your parent's had no idea what it was and were content to leave you alone about it. Now they want to be your friend and if you don't accept, it's grounds for them being mad at you. No mom, just because i write that i'm out with friends doesn't mean i'm an alcoholic. 

No friend requests from 10 year olds

• You are not 19. No way no how. I went to your birthday party and it was a Zero, not a Nine next to that one. Also, you're in elementary school. I don't care when the next Justin Beiber concert is. STOP POKING ME! No, i will NOT friend you. Because i don't want you subjected to the topics you're too young for, and i don't want to have to censor myself on the off chance that you might see it. 

Lots of games that were visible, distracting, and fun for hours on end. 

• Now they're hard to navigate to so it's not as enticing to play.

It wasn't blocked by company filters

• Facebook whenever you want!

People you want to talk with.

• The only people on there were other college students. Talking about things college students find interesting or humorous. People who respond to a political joke with an appropriate Lol, instead of taking it personally and then berating you about your all of your political views are wrong. Yes, i'm thinking of you Uncle R!

You are not reported by your friends to your parents for using the F word. 

• Yes, this happened to me. And led to a several month long grudge from my parents because I embarrassed them. 

I know it won't happen, but i wish Facebook would go back to the way it was(especially because i already graduated). I guess it's time to beef up my privacy settings again. 

Resurrected from Geek Heaven

I stopped by my parents place yesterday because dad had told me to come by so we could finish up my coffee table which is in the home stretch, building it wise. What i didn't know when i arrived was that he had wrenched his back not an hour before and he was not inclined to be on his feet anymore down in the cold shop.

My mother was busy fussing about him and trying to put away the remaining Christmas decorations (yes, they were still out a few days before easter). I told dad to take a load off, and then opened up the access to the attic where the Christmas stuff goes. Dad, incorrigible as ever, refused to let us women get the boxes upstairs by ourselves so he started handing things up to me as i was hunched over in the short attic. 

Mom however, suddenly remembered that she had forgotten something and took several minutes to pack it away. Dad left the bottom of the ladder to help her and told me to stay up there for when they were ready. So i sat down and started looking around. There were a few boxes that were open up in the attic, so i got nosy.

I found the silver dishes my grandmother gave me, and a stack of piano music that must have been over a foot high. I also found Grandma Anne's cane and the electric race car tracks. My two brothers didn't really seal up the boxes that contains their treasures, so those were among the boxes i looked in. I let out a gasp when i saw this tangled up with Nerf guns and GI Joe's:

Enterprise D from TNG

In case you missed the signs before: I AM A TOTAL GEEK!!!! I got nuts for Star Wars and Star Trek things and i was always more obsessed with Star Trek than any of my siblings. 

I couldn't let this sit up in the attic! I just couldn't! I didn't care if it was my brother's or not. I carefully detangled it and set it aside. In another box: I found this and was so relieved because mom said she had gotten rid of it:

SOOOOOOO Not for sale. 

From the original 1970's era Millennium Falcon cutaway model. I don't have exact dates, but i wouldn't even consider selling either. My oldest brother put this together and had it sitting in his closet for years before mom finally cleaned out his room after he left the nest. And it's just been sitting in the attic ever since.

No one was around but when i got a glimpse of the cockpit and the recognition finally hit my brain, i'm certain that i made some kind of bug-eyed, unintelligible noise of OMG!!!!!

So far, i have not been able to locate all of the pieces, but dad assures me that he has seen the cut-away cover, and the figurines recently, and that he would never let mom throw them out. After Easter, I'll be going back up into the attic with a better light to locate as many of the remaining pieces that i can find. 

I took what i had home and gently cleaned them up with some warm water, and now they're back to a more appropriate luster. The plastic has tinged yellow with age, but I'm still so excited to have it. If you ask me, it looks even more authentic since the Falcon was "a hunka junk!" according to Luke. 

Bonus: 1970's Storm Trooper PEZ dispenser...which you can kinda see in the smuggler's hold. 

At least the dryer isn't eating socks anymore

It's this one but in silver

I'm going to gush a little bit:

For our one year anniversary Boyfriend Jon did GOOD. Aside from being perfectly charming, romantic, and sweet, he bought me the most beautiful necklace I've ever owned. It is only rivaled by the black hills gold my father got me when i was ten.

This necklace is beautiful and just my taste. I love wearing it, and only rarely take it off. We even got a special chain for it so it would hang in the perfect spot on my chest.

I can't say it enough...I LOVE THIS NECKLACE! So when it went missing a couple days ago, i was really upset! I though i searched everywhere at my apartment thinking it was the last place i had seen it. I had just about convinced myself that i had left it at Boyfriend Jon's place (which has happened in the past) when i heard a soft clunk as i was pulling laundry out of the washer.

It was one of the pair or earrings i had been wearing when i had lost the necklace. With dread slowly rising in my stomach, i pulled out every single piece and shook it vigorously. I found the matching earring...and two dollar bills (honestly, i thought i checked all the pockets!)...but there was no sign of the necklace. As i scooped out the last of the socks on the bottom...i heard the sound of metal on metal. I dove into the half size washer, somehow cramming myself in until i could reach the bottom in the back and felt around.

There was something small there, and after several minutes of trying to get the tips of my fingers on it, i pulled the pendant back out. But there was no chain. I set the pendant aside after kissing it for happiness, and felt around again. I quickly fond something that felt like a chain, but when i pulled it up, the chain was only two inches long anymore. Feeling around some more only yielded a few more chain links. I'm not too upset: I have the pendant, and chains are cheap.

I guess my washer has developed more expensive tastes than socks. I'll have to be more thorough in my pocket searches.

Frolicking and Fake Flowers

I know that if i really wanted sunshine, i could move a few states south. But i'm a Pacific Northwest girl through and through. Right now, however, i miss sunshine more than ever. My brain tells me "It's spring! Go out frolic in the sunshine!" Except this is a record sunshine-less year. As of today, we tie the latest day of the year that we haven't reached 60 by. And the forecast is projecting more 40's and 50's degree weather for the next week at least. There's even snow again today...in April.

I'm should be watching crocuses pop up and opening up my apartment for some serious sunshine therapy and a stiff breeze to carry out the dank of winter. There is so little light that enters my apartment. I barely managed to salvage some of the Wandering Jew plant. It was so desperate for light that I ended up putting it between the vertical blinds for my sliding glass door...and the door itself. This way, it can glean what sunlight is available throughout the day without jeopardizing my security.

I've never lived without plants before. I stole a section of our back yard as a kid to build my own garden. My first roommate Katherine had COVERED the entire deck with pots, most of which had dead plants in them (to the point of not being able to walk anywhere on the deck without moving pots). I took the time she wouldn't and cleaned away the dead sections, and even planted a few bulbs with her permission. With roommate Kelsie, we had a few plants also; leafy green ferns. I never realized how cold a room looks without some plants about. It's not a feng shui thing...just missing some signs of spring i guess.

Never the less, i resorted to fake flowers. With a pair of wire snippers in hand, i corralled some fake dogwood some kind of long green branch and apple blossoms paired up with fake potted grass-like plants. I've begun strewing them around my apartment and so far, the effect on my mood is noticeable.

w00t! Friday

Today is the beginning of a jam packed weekend. Thank god my work schedule lets me off at noon today. I don't think i could get it all done in just two days. I need that extra half day.

First plan of order is to get a handle on my extremely cluttered apartment. It's gone to seed for about a month. So, the minute i get home, i'm going to attack. probably starting in the bathroom cause it's been left the longest. 

After that, i'll move onto the living room and clean up the Ukrainian easter egg supplies. Two years ago, I apparently decided it would be fun to slice into my hand with a serrated bread knife. Turns out, that was not very fun, and it has lasting effects. Half of my thumb is still numb and it starts to hurt when gripping things like a stylus even after just a few seconds. So trying to do Ukrainian easter eggs has been harder this year than i ever remember. Where i usually whip out 20, I've only completed one. So i think it will be a good idea to at least clean up the supplies even if I don't put them into storage. It would be nice to have my coffee table back. 

The other plan for today is to switch out summer and winter clothes. I have two of those big blue rubber maid bins that are sitting mostly empty taking up space in my storage locker. If i stuff the clothes in big plastic garbage bags first, that ought to protect them from the environment over the summer. 

Beyond that, it will be whatever i can get done before meeting up with Lindsey. She has need of some of my tools and assistance using them. Her cat Ray is getting a cat tree....that's 9 feet tall. And her ceilings are only 8 feet. So we're going to cut it down with my hack saw. 

When i was helping Lindsey paint her apartment two weeks ago...i went to refill the tray from the 5 gallon tub she decided to buy even though she had trouble lifting it. I had just gotten the lid off when all of a sudden, something brushed up against my leg. I let out a yelp and spun to see this pretty orange cat looking as surprised as i was. The cat had no collar and had several mats in its fur before Lindsey went all Sweeney Todd on the poor cat. But it didn't look like it's a stray. Given it's sweet demeanor and orange color, I named it Pumpkin. Lindsey lets Pumpkin into her apartment occasionally, and so far poor Ray is so confused but at least they're not aggressive with each other. Pumpkin goes crazy on Ray's catnip scratcher as Ray looks on woefully as if saying "But but but....that's mine!"

Also on the docket for this weekend is a Filk concert. Filk is a combination of Folkmusic, Fantasy themes, and Celtic style music. The group we're going to see is Vixy and Tony and they've got some amazing songs including....the theme song from Firefly! So excited!

Oh yeah, and at some point i'll get more work done on my tables. 

Damn you Fox!

When i start watching a show on Netflix instant, the only thing i really look at is the rating and the description. I don't look to see how long it runs or how many episodes it has...i just watch it.

I was extremely frustrated when Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles ended on a cliff hanger. Eager for more, I went and looked up when the next season would be out. Except i couldn't find it anywhere. I started Google-ing and lo and behold FOX has struck down yet another awesome sci-fi series.

Between Firefly, Dark Angel and now T:SCC......I have solidified an extreme hatred of FOX.

That and at this point, i think that any sci-fi writer or producer should avoid FOX like the fricken plague.

It's too bad; i was really enjoying the show. Once i got over the "Summer Glau, while an awesome actress, can't weigh more than 100 pounds!" and there she was, taking on guys that were three times her size and kicking ass. I forced myself to just go with it and began to get into the story arcs. I wondered what her place was in the future with John Connor, if Sarah would survive, if they could stop Judgement day or if it was inevitable...and they could only delay it. It was an intriguing plot.

But there's no more of it. Damn.

I did like the made up story ending that one of the threads featured and i'll just make do with this so i can have some closure:

 John connects with Alison and his Uncle BAG in the future. They find Danny Dyson, being held captive by Skynet to help Skynet build and maintain their computers and equipment. Dyson gives our team the answers they need to destroy Skynet in the past. 

With the help of Dyson, John, Alison, BAG and Cameron/John Henry access the Skynet time machine, but at the cost of Dyson's life (mirrors his dad's demise).
Once back in 2007, they reconnect with Sarah, 'Catherine Weaver', and Agent Ellis. Together, they destroy whatever the McGuffin that is Skynet is, but both BAG and Cameron/John Henry die in the process.
John has a touching moment with Cameron/John Henry before it's destroyed. Judgment Day (and the god-awful Terminator 4 movie) are averted. 'Catherine Weaver' turns to liquid metal, and slinks away to the bottom of the ocean, to await a time in the future when humans are ready to use technology like her without destrying ourselves.
Ellis provides new identities for John, Alison and Sarah to live out peaceful lives.
In a voice over epilogue, John remarks about how he and Allison are married with a son, and how his mother died of cancer several years after 2007, but that she lived long enough to see a future without Judgment Day come to pass. 

Anyway, i couldn't fall asleep last night and the subject of time travel began to bother me.  I began to wonder which direction i would choose to go; forward or backward.

If you had a time machine, would you first jump forward or backward?

Forward in time

Back in time

Free poll maker

Personally, I think i would rather go forward. Mostly so that i didn't inadvertently cut myself out of existence. And naturally that brought on the theories about alternate realities, and if i wrote myself out of existence, would i be there in the first place to go back.....

Perhaps you can see why i only got about three hours of sleep last night and eventually did dream about Doc from Back to the Future....cause if he says it, it must be real, right?!

Now i'm running solely on coffee.

Warm season hair removal - Results Take 2

There were enough results last time I tried Sugar Waxing for me to decide to try again. I was certain that the problems i ran into were due to the mixture not being reduced enough. Here are my second set of results.

 This time, i cooked the mixture until it was the color of molasses and let it cool in wide shallow bowls. Even at room temperature, i had difficulty separating a gumball size amount. But warming it in the microwave for 10 seconds helped. I tried using gloves but they just got torn up so i wouldn't bother with those again.

But the Sugaring Paste....WORKED! i was so surprised. The only way this could be better would be if i could bend like a cat or if it didn't hurt. The most painful area ended up being my ankles and i had difficulty doing the back of my legs, but it was still about 90% effective. The pain was very bearable. Less painful than snapping yourself with a rubber band (average strength). I personally feel the pain level was worth the results.

I used about 1/3rd of the mixture, and took off the hair from the tops of my knees to my ankles. I can tell there are some areas where the hair seems to have broken off and not pulled out but those are relatively minimal and it's probably areas where i had trouble getting a good flick angle.

The biggest difference between this and shaving is that it took me almost two hours to do my lower legs. I imagine that this will get easier and faster over time, but still, it was time consuming. However, five days later, when i would normally have to shave again, i'm still shorts or skirt ready.

I was so thrilled with the results, that i decided i would give my armpits a go also. For any guys reading this: I know it's not sexy to admit that women have armpit hair, but we do and I hate it! If it were cheap to get the hair follicles zapped to never grow back, it'd probably be the first patch of hair to go.

I originally thought the ankles were the worst. Nope, the pits are. This is an area where i doubted if the pain would be worth the results. Yes, there is a past tense on that doubt. In all the years I've been shaving...i have never had pits this smooth. You know those commercials where they say "Raise your hand if you're Sure" I'm that confident. Even five days later...i still have perfect armpits.

Overall, it's a viable means of being summer wear ready. I haven't decided if i'm going to give up my razor for good, but i will be doing so for summer at least.

I also think this is more of a two person operation because pulling it off yourself is tricky and takes some nerve. Also, some areas....well, most ladies haven't mastered contortionist moves. Having a friend to help would have been nice.

Moving Karma

It is the plight of most 20 somethings to be moving around a lot. Through dorms to crummy, falling apart apartments, to slightly up the scale only to fall back when prices rise again. The only thing to do is call in the calvary, also known as friends and family and anyone else you can somehow rope in.

The last time i moved, i even ended up bribing my friend's younger brother to help since several of my friends were unavailable (two of them, i think, were out of town on business). Granted, i was moving from one room (plus a dining room table and a couch) to my own apartment. So i really, didn't have a lot of large stuff. Since then, I've been building furniture, and filling up my apartment with stuff that makes me feel at home. I'm glad I started building up my moving karma.

It wasn't until i helped my friend Lindsey move this weekend that i realized how much more difficult it will be when i decide to move again. She's incredibly frugal but she still had three truck loads to go...and that was AFTER she had been taking boxes over in her little economy car for over a week! Most of my Saturday was spent going up and down stairs lifting boxes, hauling mattresses, and playing the puzzle game of how to get the most stuff in the van when nothing nested together.

Lindsey is a great friend, probably my best gal pal. Drama slides off of her like water on a duck's back and i love that about her. That and for a change, she has her own money and need me to spot her on...well, just about everything. If she says she'll pay me back, she does. She's also smart, hard working, reliable, and matter of fact. I can always rely on her for anything from second opinions on outfits and decor to needing someone to just hang with.

However, laughter is never in short supply when she gets around tools. It took me a while to get used to her lack of training even in things that i consider basic. But she's willing to learn and try things for herself which puts her leaps ahead of the masses. Every now and then, i get a call: "If you come over, i'll make dinner" which is Lindsey-speak for "I broke/need to fix something and my dad's not available". Together, we've put together furniture, installed mirrors, hung pictures, and even made lollipops.

In the process of tearing down her bed, she started talking about wanting a new one, that her current one didn't go with any of the new furniture i helped her put together. Since I've been thinking about upgrading to a queen size bed since December, I started talking turkey. It's an Ikea bed so it's short, but it's made from solid wood which means it's customizable. With a few modifications, it could be perfect for my needs. Raise the legs up with wood, not plastic bed risers, and add a pannel to the back of the headboard so pillows don't fall through...and it's perfect! She was happy to have me take it off her hands when she gets her new one in. All i have to do is help her find a cheap or free box spring and everyone will be happy.

Also, i finally managed to catch my dad at a moment when he was clear, energized and most importantly.... available. Together, armed with the right tools, we whipped out the remaining table legs in about an hour and a half. Perhaps i forgot to mention the best part about the table design: The legs are all removable. They will be able to break down into smaller pieces to make more room if I need it in my tiny apartment.
Onto building the table.

A year without Cable

A year ago today, I walked into the local Comcast store to set up my account for my new apartment. After living with roommates for two years, i was going to be paying for all the utility bills by myself for a change. I was doing some math trying to figure out how on earth i could afford to keep paying over $100 for internet, cable and a phone i never used. Since both of my roommates were TV hogs, i never spent much time watching TV anyway. There were only a couple shows that i enjoyed watching and everything else was put on for background noise.

So, when i got to the front counter, i made what seemed like a really bold decision at the time. "Just Internet please. Your most basic package. No, i don't want to spend more to save money by coupling phone and cable. yes i understand that means i won't even be able to get 1-13 anymore." I had signed up for Netflix a few months before and Boyfriend Jon showed me how i could view the streaming through my Xbox.

Here's the math a year later.

Old Comcast bill:         $120                          Over the course of a year: $1,440
Current Comcast bill:  $  35                          Over the course of a year: $   420
Plus Netflix:                  $  10                          Over the course of a year: $   120
                                                                             Difference:                $   900

NINE HUNDRED DOLLARS! I couldn't believe it when i looked over my finances last night. I knew i was saving money, but it's a different matter when you actually see that large of a number. I couldn't believe what i was paying to keep my roommates happy. And to pay for a phone that was LITERALLY never used.

As for missing prime time television...most days i honestly don't even notice it's gone. Occasionally someone will ask me "Did you see what happened on American Idol last night??" When i tell them i don't have cable, most people are amazed that I'd done away. To put this in a weird perspective: One of the group that gossips non stop about American Idol went Vegan around the same time. No animal products at all. The group was more amazed that i was without cable than they were about her going without meat. I've even been called "Brave" more than once. But i honestly don't feel like i'm missing anything.

Netflix has plenty of streaming TV shows without commercials to keep me busy. I've already gotten through all seasons of Star Trek Voyager, That 70's show, Xena, Firefly, Cake Boss, Mythbusters, Dirty Jobs, and now i'm starting in on the Sarah Connor Chronicles and America's Funniest Animals. They run in the background while I work on projects, or avoid folding clothes.

As for the shows i'm missing out on: I already own the three seasons of Big Bang Theory and they didn't dissapoint. I eagerly await season four. Two and a half men has lost it's appeal thanks to Sheen's arrogance, not to mention I preferred Jon Cryer anyway. And everything else...eh. I really haven't missed anything else, except maybe a couple of cooking shows for some inspiration. Oh, and COPS so that i can give out my own set of Darwin awards for idiocy.

It's amazing what we think we need, but can live without quite comfortably.

Other news from today

This is definitely one of the worse Mondays in a while.

I woke up this morning after slapping my alarm more than usual. I immediately noticed a "roaring" in my ears as i rose from bed and lack of noise on my right side. When yawned, i was greeted with a sharp stab of pain through both ears. I tried taking a hot shower and putting some hydrogen peroxide in my ear but nothing seems to be working. I made it into work but i'm quickly fading. And i bet my co-workers are getting tired of me asking them to speak up.

I really hope i don't have an ear infection coming on. No fever yet at least.

Catching up with a memory

I remember my grandmother's summer visits vividly. She and my great aunt would travel from hot and humid New York to warm yet mild in comparison Pacific Northwest. They lived with us, babysat us, and played with us all summer long. There were card and board games, crossword puzzles in the sun, making cookies, walks in the park, and they would sit on lawn chairs and watch us ride our bikes up and down the street cheering us as we went by. 

As time went on, my brother and I became the caretakers. Slowly, dementia took hold of the once vibrant and sharp as a tack Grandma Anne (for whom i am named) and she became easily confused. At times her inability to recall things that should be simple, infuriated her so much that she would lash out at us. Thankfully we were young and quick to dodge the cane and forgive the outbursts. She never stopped loving us, of that we were sure. But every subsequent year, she would arrive....diminished in some way. 

After she passed away, my Great Aunt Clair (with whom i share many characteristics) continued her visits for several years until we began to see the glimmers of dementia again. Soon after, it took a strong hold and she stopped visiting in summer. There were no more marathons of Uno games (where she would cheat, even against us kids) or sitting on the piano playing one hand correctly and flapping the other against the keys just make noise while she and i sang at the top of our lungs in sheer glee. No more phrases in other languages that were dubious in origin, no more random jigs of happiness, and no more tea and cookies while we watched Perry Mason. She also died about seven years ago.

Since then I've tried to shove the trepidation to the back of my mind as my father has gotten older. I've always worried that he might follow in their footsteps. But if i didn't think about it, it wouldn't happen right?

Rationally, I know my parents aren't immortal. But to the eyes of Daddy's Little Helper, Dad is mightier than any superhero, impervious to any ailment and stronger than any machine. 

So when it takes him twenty minutes to solve a problem even I can do in mere seconds thanks to what he, himself, taught me....that trepidation creeps back to the forefront of my mind. Will he diminish the way the Grandma and Aunt Claire did? Will i have to face that again? Am I ready to do things without his wisdom and insight.

The answer to the last question was a painful "Yes". My father was becoming frustrated by a problem with my end tables. It vexed him so much that he told me he needed a break and went upstairs. I had already been on hold with the tables for a month and was far from tired with the project for that day. I already knew the answer, almost instinctively. The years of working by his side on various projects made the solution light up in my mind light a spotlight. I knew what to do and how to do it. But I was scared to do it without him. 

I left and proceeded to wrestle with myself for a couple days. The rational side of me demanded that i not delay on the end tables any more. The emotional side of me felt like just sitting down for a good cry. Finally, i mentally gave myself a good shake and went back when dad wasn't there. My mom offered to help if i needed it but i was determined to stand on my own two feet. 

In the next hour, i churned out the remaining cuts needed to complete the legs of the tables. This included complicated angles, setting up angle jigs, and drilling holes. This was the part that i had convinced myself that i would need my father's help for. I thought maybe, if i did it alone, i could banish this feeling of inadequacy at filling his role. When it was done, i had hoped i would feel better, but i didn't. I missed having him there to make doubly sure i didn't make a mistake. In the end, i didn't but i kept thinking i had done something wrong. I didn't feel the "right-ness" that usually accompanied my furniture building. When I told dad the next day where the tables were at now...he was genuinely surprised. He kept saying "That's great!" but it still didn't make me feel better. 

Even after the weekend, I'm not sure how i feel.