The black cloud has dissapated...and i didn't get hit by lightning after all....

Monday morning, I literally was one broken fingernail away from loosing all sembelance of control. It was like I had a black cloud following me around and it wouldn't go away. It must have seriously been fucking with my brain cause i started thinking things that were horrible thoughts.

On the way home from work i had a moment, i guess you could call it like a premonition, where i was certain i was experianceing a head on collision. I of course was sitting at a red light stuck in "going home" traffic and there was no way for me to go nearly fast enough for my airbag to deploy.
A few blocks later, i imagined that i was biting into something and imagined this searing pain in my gumline as if i had broken several of my teeth down into the root all at once. I shake my head and quickly pull into the nearest parking lot to get control of myself. I mean, these were vividly awful thoughts going through my head. I have no idea what prompted them, but after that they at least left me alone.

When i got home, i quickly darted into my room and got under the covers of my bed as fast as I could and just relaxed. Something about down comfortors just makes me calm down. I stayed there for about 45 minutes and just meditated in my warm little cocoon.

Thinking back over this weekend, i really have to feel proud of myself. My roommate springs on me that she's moving out and i didn't freak out, just started looking for ways to fix it. The tv blew up and i replaced it, my car got hit and i went after the jerk. Once my dad alerted me to my debit card being gone, i took care of it. Every little crisis that came up this weekend, I handled. I didn't go crying to mommy and daddy to kiss it and make it all better. Yeah, i freaked out to my best friend because i was overwhelmed, but i'm human, it happens. But when everything came down the wire, i was able to handle it and do something about it instead of sitting down and wailing about injustice and it's too hard.
Since i've moved out, i don't think my dad's quite come to terms that all of his kids are out on their own now. He's started becomming rather nasty about a lot of things. Telling us we have to deal with it on our own when we come to him for what he used to give sage advice for. Even my sister who was the first one out, has noticed a hostile change in him since I moved out. It was very hard for me to go straight into independence without my dad as a resource anymore even just for advice, or anything.
But this weekend has proven to me that even though i get overwhelmed, i still can buck up and get the job done. It's proving that i can do this on my own if necessary.