Been a while...Been a crappy summer

I haven't posted anything since June 18th. that's over 6 months now. I had an immensely crappy summer followed by an even worse fall, then November hit and there was an even bigger surprise. Mostly there was so much going on that i never had the emotional time to get all my thoughts out into a post. The rest of it was not the sort of things i want the details of all over the internet. I'll try to tell the stories as best i can without revealing too much.

In my last post, i talked all the things that were gone.

Such as Boyfriend Jon's work schedule. That started in April....and didn't end until late October. 12 hour days, almost every day of the week. He was exhausted and frustrated nearly all the time. To each of our credit, we only had one blowout where our emotional turmoil got the best of us and we took it out on each other verbally. But even that only lasted one angry phone call and we made up a few hours later. I don't want to sound like i'm a needy clingy person...but i missed him whenever he was gone. Our time to be together became infrequent but precious. Still we managed to get in a few camping trips and a couple weekends where literally all we did was simply BE at home together.
Of course...when the schedule ended, it was weird. And i ended up having to ask him to be out of the house so i could finish his christmas gifts without him seeing. A compromise was found where i worked behind a screen (a folding table leaning up against the couch blocking my work from his view...but he could still see my face).

Another thing is gone...and all i can say is good riddance. Someone i care about deeply was in a relationship with...well....the only way i can think of him now is as a con artist. Because that's what he did. He came in like a whirlwind and swept a very grounded person off her feet. He charmed her and wooed her and even put a ring on her finger.
But then things started to sour over the summer. He had tales of woe about his finances and he worked all the time. He was a very private person so he didn't want her talking to others about the problems he was having. So quietly, she helped fund so many things for him. Because she loved him, completely. Even moved to a different city, into a house that was awful for her elderly dog and had spiders infesting the lawn....but the money started running out. And things started to get worse. We all knew something was up, but she wouldn't tell us any details.
And one day...in an email...he ended everything and said he was moving out and only showed up once more to get his stuff, clearly having tried to time it so she wouldn't be there.
With a lot of coaxing, the whole story started coming out. The family and the friends were all shocked. We had all been conned by his entrancing stories, the seemingly unbreakable devotion he displayed for her, the simple fact that she was completely in love. He conned everyone, myself included, and shattered her heart.

So we did what friends and family do best. We circled the wagons around her and helped her get back on her feet. We talked, hugged, and helped until she was grounded again.
I'm so proud to say that she used this crappy experience to change careers into something that made her happy (and made her more money), she moved out of that house and into a new temporary place until she can move back to the city that suits her personality, and she is making plans to go back to school. She really channeled her anger and hurt into a very positive path.

Fast forward to September, and i'll tell you the rest of my crappy 6 months.

My uncle fell off his deck onto his head/shoulder area. Even worse luck...his head managed to find a single loose brick on the ground for it to land on.
Thankfully, someone was home and heard the crash and found him almost immediately so he was able to get help right away.
The tally of injuries were as follows: His left ear was nearly severed, a massive concussion, broken collarbone and shoulder blade, 5 broken ribs on his left side and 2 on his right, and he somehow managed to rip his toenail off. He was on a breathing and feeding tube for 2 full weeks, and in the ICU at Harborview for 2 months, then he was kept in the Acute care for an additional month. Thankfully the amazing doctors and nurses and PT trainers did an amazing job and my uncle is almost back to his usual self.
During this time, tempers and emotions were high to put things mildly. Somehow my mother and I ended up trying to be the peace keepers between certain members of the families, both working from opposite angles. That took up every ounce of my mental and emotional strength since i could see both sides merits and shortcomings.

I celebrated the day my uncle was able to go home with some reservations. I was so so so happy that he had recovered enough to go home. But i worried about the emotional healing and the fortitude of several parties involved.
Things seem to have found an unsteady equilibrium, but i check in every now and then to see if i can lend an ear or a different perspective.

Then when i thought i couldn't take another major change, November 1st hit.

Standing in front of my NaNoWriMo group of dear friends, Boyfriend Jon, not typically a big speech maker,  put his arm around me and started a countdown, explaining all our milestones:

6 NaNoWriMo's have been done while we've known each other
5 NaNo's that we've done together as a couple
4 year anniversary
3 cheers for all the work i put into my meetings
2 writers in love
1 simple question

and he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.

to which i replied, with my usual eloquence,..."oh hell yeah."

Honestly, i could never have gotten through the shit storm that was my 2013 summer and fall without him by my side. And it was an amazing turn around from all the awfulness to have something so wonderful to celebrate.

I listened to my grandmother's uncouth advice when i picked him: "Will you still love him when he farts and has sagging parts?" and the answer is yes. I've never imagined being married to anyone until i met him. there was always a family, but the future husband was always faceless and abstract in my daydreams. Now i see Jon, clearly, across the daydreamed dinner table with kids screaming about not wanting to eat peas, and i can already hear the jokes he's going to crack. Or the calm and sage advice he'll pull out just when i'm ready to tear my hair out over a really bad day. I don't need a diamond and a huge party. I just need him with me to face whatever the future brings.

So it is my pleasure to introduce you to my Betrothed.

Back after a month

There hasn't been too much going on in my life the last month or so. Just more of the same. Boyfriend Jon and i have been steadily working to unpack the remainder of our apartment. There's less and less of the "oh crap, what box is that in?" and "I think I unpacked it, but i have no idea where i put it".

With the installation of floating shelves for all of our books (all the friends are raving about it as a brilliant idea...we just did it because we had a vent in the way that we couldn't put a bookshelf in front of), our house instantly looked more homey and less apartment-y. We're working on projects pretty much non stop for the improvement of the apartment. Everything from painting to sewing, building, organizing, to cleaning, decorating and arranging.

The media stand is finally finished, in all it's resplendent glory. From a drawing to a creation. i'm very proud of this one, despite learning a some different techniques than i had originally planned due to some mistakes.

Also, i decided to take my multi canvas painting and paint over it in greens and silvers. Next i'll paint branches in a variety of browns, then affix flowers made from printed paper to the canvas. This project will eventually adorn the wall above our bed.

So basically in the apartment department, we're down to decorating and learning how to not throttle each other. Some days its harder than others, but for the most part I love having Boyfriend Jon around even if he does tease me about my newfound Pinterest addiction.

One such Pinterest teasing moment came from finding a post about a DIY Popcorn Station. Where guests can create a popcorn concoction to their personal liking with a variety of shakers like ranch, cheddar, and cinnamon sugar. So my thought process went: ooo! cool pinterest post, must do this, i need to have a party where i can do this! throw a party where i can do this. Overall my friends thought it was great. Needs a little bit of refinement and it will be perfect.

Other bits of news.

Celebrated another Friday the 13th with the wonderful Boyfriend Jon. Since we got together on a Friday the 13th, it's been a special day for us ever since.

How it was supposed to go

At least until I got involved in a hit and run on the way to our special romantic dinner. There was minimal damage and no injuries thankfully. But it did lead to a harrowing race after the jerk, and catching up to him twice. Boyfriend Jon got out of the car and the guy took off again so i followed him leaving Boyfriend Jon standing in the middle of an intersection. He led me on a chase through an apartment complex and somehow i managed to get his licence plate number to the dispatcher. Eventually the police caught up with the guy and raked him over the coals for leaving the scene of an accident but apparently i'm terrifying when I'm angry and he was scared of me. 
When the police finally got me in touch with him, I told both him and the officers that HAD he stopped and done the right thing, there was so little damage that i probably would have told the guy no problem, here let me fix your licence plate for you. In the end he apologized and i told him "no offense, but we never bump into each other again." and that was that.

The day after the accident, I got into it with another major jerk. I did some voluenteer work for the city television crew during a parade. I was doing my job when i realized that someone was touching me. I stepped back from my view finder to realize that a guy with a camera was practically on top of me very much in my personal bubble. I asked him to move nicely, stating that i needed to be able to move in my zone. He told me screw you. Oh no no no. I'm no meek little thing that will tolerate being spoken to in such a way. So i got in his way, and told him firmly to back up, this area had been reserved and i pointed out the construction cones that were in place for just such a reason. He didn't move. So i got even closer...just about drill sargent close and yelled for him to back up. I then stepped into him and used my body to back him up. People from the crowd behind him were trying to pull him back and he was not having anything of it even if he didn't seem too inclined to take me on. My boss managed to catch what was happening and asked his superior to go and step in. Eventually the guy was reloated and i was able to get back to my job. I think if my boss hadn't been tied up in wires, the man would have gotten decked.

So it's nice to get back to work where while people here may be annoying, at least they're not that big of jerks.

I am a Female Carpenter

After trying to do a Google image search for Female Carpenter, Woman Carpenter, woman wood worker, female furiture builder and various other similar searches. I have come to the realization that the internet has no idea what those titles mean. Replace female/woman for male/man and you get plenty of images. 

But 90% of what does come up for the lady version...is downright insulting. 

I AM A FEMALE CARPENTER

As a hobby...I build beautiful furniture, using a variety of tools, math and reasoning, and techniques that have taken years to learn and develop. I am still learning and will always admire good craftsmanship.

I realize this a is 99% male dominated field, and have the utmost respect for masters of this craft regardless of their sex. 

THESE ARE NOT FEMALE CARPENTERS

They are models wearing costumes and holding props. 

Note there isn't a glue wipe, speck of sawdust, band-aid from a splinter, on her perfectly braided hair or perfectly selected clean clothes. Also...lady, you're going to stab yourself with the pencil pointed that way. And you! close your mouth unless you want it filled with sawdust! Save that look for a porno...if you still have limbs for it after you've been holding the saw like that running. 

Being a female carpenter doesn't mean i look like Paul Bunyan without a beard, never shave my legs, endeavor to be a lumberjack, live in the woods, or crack nuts with my toes. 

It doesn't mean i'm a man hater, ball buster, lesbian, or a body builder. 

NOR does it mean I consider Ikea directions a way to build furniture and can only do so with my low power pretty pink tool set that's sized for a child while wearing a push up bra and a thong.

(Note: Nothing against pink tools, just think you pay extra for less power)

It also doesn't mean that with proper training...these women above couldn't become carpenters. 

I realize in a male dominated world, hot pinup women are the easy way for guys to even think about tools and women in the same sentence. Sex always sells. I get that.

But I've worked damn hard to become a carpenter to the point where friends, master-craftsmen, my father and complete strangers are impressed by the quality, design and care put into every single piece i create. 

I'm proud to be a craftswoman who can look at particle board ikea items with distain and know i can make something better for cheaper, that will last for generations. 

AND I MAY MAKE THEM WHILE WEARING A THONG BUT AT LEAST THE THONG IS UNDER MY STAINED, PAINT SMUDGED, RIPPED, and SAWDUST COVERED

WORK PANTS!!!!!!!!!

This is me (for real) at work. 

Genes I wasn't born with

Summer is undoubtedly wedding season. In the northwest, i'm convinced that while you almost never have a perfect chance of full on sunshine...your odds of less or no rain are greatly increased between June and September. So every relation i know of seems to think this is a great time to get married. I don't think i was born with the "lets get married right away" gene. I'm much more of a fan of "eh, we'll get there eventually" and "why can't this just be a simple thing?"

As a fellow 20 something...with many friends in the 20 something range, weddings are around every corner.

I have people whom i barely talk to the rest of the year asking what i think about these paint chips for their wedding colors. Especially those who respond to my polite "its your wedding you should be happy" with "NO!!! What do YOU think???!!!!"

I've been invited to multiple bridal showers, bachelorette parties, wedding favor making parties, putting stamps on envelopes parties and thankfully only one wedding that i plan on attending.

There's a distinct influx of "So when are you and Boyfriend Jon getting married?", (most of this comes from our mothers).

I even got a wedding cataloged that was misdirected to me instead of my neighbor. Seriously...are those prices REAL? put half of the basics together and that'd pay off my car!

I hear about the games that were played at the bridal showers and think "WHY? who wants to be trussed up in a toilet paper wedding dress?" I don't see the point. Why do i need to know this inside joke between the bride and groom? And, call me a prude all you want. I'm uncomfortable buying sexy lingerie for another woman!

I'm very happy for the couples i know that have made this huge decision and i genuinely hope they have a happily ever after ending. But it's all this extra stuff that i recoil from. I can't help it. Too much of it in a short amount of time and i start searching around for something very anti-wedding. A motorcycle ride, a marathon of blow-em-up blood and guts games...anything to get it out of my mind.

The only wedding decision i have come to is that i want to set up a pay pal account instead of a registry. Tradition be damned. I'd rather have a solid start of a nest egg than a gravy boat or candelabra....whatever that is.

Co-workers

This week has been filled with troubles with co-workers. We all work long hours, we're around each other for 10 hours a day. Obviously, Friday is too slow in coming to give us a break. As an admin who has to help everyone...especially if it includes the cursed printer...i make a point of being nice to everyone until they give me a reason not to be. And even then i'll be cold, but still professional. But this week, I'm tired and fed up with some of the ridiculous antics.

You could have fooled me that i work with adults who are capable of courtesy, respect and honesty. Because if i didn't know better, i'd say i worked with 13 year olds complete with cliques, nasty comments, superiority complexes, and backstabbing for no apparent reason.

Point in case, my cubicle neighbor. She monitors my comings and goings and makes a point of looking at her watch when i'm a couple minutes late. (I should note that our company is not a "TO THE MINUTE" company. We're expected to come in and leave around the set times and work 40 hours. If we're going to be really late, we need to let our boss know) If i'm early she comes to my desk and asks in a super surprised voice "What are you doing here so early?" She has taken everything I've gotten (like rotating my desk so she can't look at my screen all the time) as a personal affront that i'm getting special treatment. The truth is, i ask for something, give solid, business related reasons why, and my boss usually agrees to it. What a novel idea. I've talked to my boss and she's been reprimanded twice for this behavior. Most of the time, I can ignore her and give her non-committal answers to her snarkyness or kill her with kindness. But today, i'm so fed up that my mind is plotting exceedingly evil things.

Second point in case: I am not a servant who doesn't deserve Please or Thank You. Sending me an email which states: "The printer needs a new cartridge" will NEVER in a million years get the same response as someone walking up to me and saying "Can you please help me and change the cartridge, i'm not sure how." One of those responses will get me up and out of my chair that very second with a smile and a "no problem". The other will get a much slower response. Oh i'll do it, but it might take me 10 minutes. I made a point of letting the second person know their kindness was appreciated.

And last but not not least. I may be one of the youngest people in the entire building but that does not mean i'll tolerate being treated like you're my mother. Unless your job description has changed recently, you are not my monitor, my snitch, and certainly not allowed to PATRONIZE ME. Don't say "you did such a good job last time, i think you should be responsible for this HUGE task that we both worked on last time while i wash my hands of it." You don't delegate to me. That is not a privilege you have either earned or deserve.

Friday can't come fast enough this week. I'm so done with dealing with certain co-workers.

Other co-workers on the other hand have been great at making me laugh and get through some of this nonsense with a sense of humor.

Single Awareness Day

Even trying to make Valentine's day sound less lonely makes it worse. Calling it Single Awareness Day spells out SAD. And it makes me mad. I hate this holiday with a passion. Yes, BAH HUMBUG to you too.

I can't escape it. Co-workers who are "trying to be nice" to the single folk bring in big bright pink chocolates and WALK THEM AROUND so everyone gets reminded that this horrible day has arrived. News pages are plastered with "Don't forget the roses" and "How to NOT screw up this Valentine's Day" and questionnaires are going around Facebook trying to gauge how women measure love. This, I think, would be quite a feat since I'm certain most women have the meter called "when i see love....i'll know it" which causes them to miss out on smaller gestures.

Certain women at work have been having a competition to see who's boyfriend/fiancée/husband will do the best valentines day. They've even been bringing in PRE-Valentines Day flowers. What the fucking HELL!? I feel so sorry for those men who are guilted and manipulated into that level of ridiculousness.

And i know my father in his traditional romantic form will buy me pink (and he knows i hate pink) roses to match the ones he got for my sister (who loves pink). He will then personally deliver two dozen red roses and baby's breath to my mother's workplace past all the very jealous women working there. And if i somehow manage to avoid meeting up with him today, they'll be waiting for me on my doorstep when I get home. I know it's his way of showing me he loves me, but it just makes me dread the day.

I cannot, in any good conscience, celebrate a day that was so fervently endorsed by greeting card companies, and chocolate factories which gives the obvious shaft to men and does nothing but make single people feel bad.

If the man in a relationship doesn't go out of his way, spend more money than he normally would, say and do everything perfect.....then the woman is fully justified in complaining about how he ruined valentines day. Oh and don't get me started on the girls i know who will be shoving rings in my face going "I got ennngaaaaaaggeeeeddd!". Although, given that Cristy got engaged on Saturday...i will say congratulations to her.

And I've spent most years out of my life single on Valentine's Day. I know how much it hurts to be reminded. I know the desperate searches online for a date for tonight. The banding together with other single friends just to not be alone. To proclaim how happy you are to be single while you yearn for some company. Why would i celebrate a day that does this to so many people? That has done this to me so many times.

This year, I am not single. Boyfriend Jon is a wonderful man who has made the effort to show me so much love the rest of the 1 and 1/4 year we've been together. I have outright told him he is forbidden to show me any more love today than he does on any other day. No flowers, no chocolate, DEFINITELY no teddy bears, no hearts, no cards, no streamers.......are all on the "you will get in a lot of trouble" list for today.

You know what we're doing for Valentine's day? Nothing out of the ordinary. IF we get together tonight, we might order a pizza and continue the game of Plants vs Zombies we started last night. Same as normal. That has become more than enough for me.

It's Monday; any utterance of the words Happy and Day in the same sentence, might be met with a shotgun.

Creeeeeeepppyyyy

I found something rather unsettling in my car yesterday. It was a styrofoam burger king cup that had spilled out a ton of sunflower seed shells.

Not that weird you say? What if i were to tell you I hardly ever eat SUNFLOWER seeds? Only thing that goes in my car, are pumpkin seeds.

Not weird enough? What if i were to tell you the last time i went to a burger king was in early OCTOBER. And i most certainly did not get a styrofoam cup. Not to mention, my car got cleaned out before Jon's family arrived in mid December.

Still not weird enough? Boyfriend Jon (the only person i know to eat sunflower seeds ever in my car) hasn't eaten them since that October trip, much less put them in a styrofoam cup that somehow managed to elude disposal. Nor has anyone that's been in the back seat of my car since early December prior to the clean out.

And if that wasn't weird enough for you...consider these facts:

1. The only Burger King in the area is at the bottom of the hill that I was parked at when the sunflower seeds were discovered. Its about five to eight miles from my home.
2. When going out to my car to put stuff in it just before i discovered them...i heard the locks click open.
3. My windows were not open
4. The seeds were still wet....but not moldy at all
5. there is a known "problem" house around the corner.

I'm not typically one to point fingers and i will readily give the allowance that maybe i just didn't notice the seeds for a while (though for that length of time i'm going to go with improbable).

If it was someone that i know was in my back seat: Dude that's just gross.

If it was someone i don't know....WTF?

Nothing was taken (not that there was anything to take - the most expensive thing in my car is the 5$ ipod jack from radio shack) and no loose change. But WHY on earth would they break into my car just to leave their gross sunflower seed cup dumped over my back seat???? I just cannot fathom that someone would go to that much trouble to be so disgusting. It just doesn't add up.

I cleaned it all out. Everything. Even though i was supposed to be helping my sister with her remodel, i couldn't stop cleaning. Vacuumed everything, took a cleaning cloth to my dash and center console, re-organized my trunk, threw out what trash i had. I feel extremely violated. I felt like someone had defiled my little Focus and i had to make her mine again.

Boyfriend Jon tried to reason it out but even he couldn't answer some of my questions. I think he was left either wondering if i'm forgetting something that would crack this case open like...well... a sunflower seed, or if someone, somehow, for some bizarre reason, did this. Thankfully, he let me vent out my confusion and frustration until i felt better.

And now i'm making doubly sure that my doors are locked when i exit the car. Even if that means locking the doors before Boyfriend Jon gets his door open....again.

Work duels

Is it just me or does sending an email claiming "Peace - accept my apologies - sincerely sent" completely erroneous when i hear than an hour later the person who sent it is trash talking me two minutes ago? That doesn't fall into the category of a sincere apology in my book and i hope not in anyone else's.

This whole mess is over a insignificant phrase on that project I worked on. Right, the project that she REFUSED to have anything to do with until after the deadline had passed. And then she went berserk over something she wanted change.

Well, i'm done being brow beaten, bullied and being pulled into the middle of her attempt to skirt around what has already been set in stone. She can make up stickers for all i care to change the phrase.

She's pretty much running uphill without any bullets. I did this as a courtesy to the company. I volunteered my help. It's not like she can make me do it. So why would i go out of my way for someone who's being a SNARKY JUVENILE BRAT?

Nano 2010 Day 13

Word count: 20,159
Today's Quota: 21,671

So, the NaNo site decided to be dumb last night. At 11:33pm i posted my word quota for the day. I looked over at my graph, and it showed that i was below the suggested quota line.

Wait WHAT?

Turns out last night was the night that NaNo decided i needed to update my time zone to coenside with DST which occurred LAST week. Why it chose this weekend to be all annoying about it is beyond me. While YES, i should have updated my time zone the day of...i didn't. What's weird about this is that I know that pretty much EVERY night this week i have posted my word count after 11pm. I have proof on my Google docs where i upload my additions every night to make sure my story is backed up if something detrimental happened.

So now that calendar where i was SO careful and lost waaaaayyyyy too much sleep over attempting avoiding any other kind of day than green....is all screwed up with a big bold awful red mark.

I did indeed make the 20k mark last night so it just plain ole wrong.
Grrrrr.

TO ANY NANO-ERS READING THIS: UPDATE YOUR TIME ZONE NOW BEFORE NOV 29! YOU WILL BE VERY UNHAPPY IF YOU DON'T.

I'll be spending my time until mine and Boyfriend Jon's anniversary dinner typing furiously trying to reach and pass the day's quota. It's the weekend and that means BUFFER time!!!

No really, i'm still alive

Sorry it's been so long; had a rather crazy couple of weeks.

So a couple of quick updates:
This is not trash people! Sometimes, I can't believe my city. I have found so many incredible things just literally thrown in the trash that are still in pristine condition.

Among these are:

• A perfectly good rolling suitcase, (black, no smells, rips, or uncooperative zippers)
• A brand new pair of tennis shoes (tag still on!)
• A full knife block set (the knives didn't match the brand name on the block...but they all fit!)
• 9! backpacks, totes, and other such bags all stuffed inside each other.
• a working lamp with a tiny nearly imperceptible dent in the base

and most recently: a messenger style laptop bag in burgundy. What's more? Giant nuclear powered laptop fits inside said bag! So i have myself and Eddie Bauer brand laptop bag in my favorite color!

In other news:
Nano is just single digit days away. I'm halfway between jumping around in joy and freaking out from all the work that needs to be done.
Not only am I hosting again this year, of which my main concern is capacity, but I'm writing a story that's new ground for me. I've never written a crime thriller before! Annie: I maintain that it is NOT chick lit!
Why oh why does the library have a 1 day a month maximum?!? This plan does not work for Nano at all! And when i spoke to the help desk about the local library sponsoring the event...they told me that i should go to the one already sponsored at a different library.........26 miles away! Right. You would think that writing novels and libraries would go hand in hand wouldn't you? It's like PB&J.

I'm meeting with the inspiration for my fictitious Uncle Marcus tonight since he seems to be able to magically pull ideas out of my head like popcorn. Also as a retired Marine, I'm hoping he can shed some light onto some of the military aspects of my story.

A day of "Who Cares?"

Let's play a game. I'm going to spell out a scenario, and then I want someone to answer answer their own opinion of who cares about said scenario. I'll give you an example.

BP's Oil Spill. People who care: Those who think that gas prices will go up, those with investments in Oil who could be affected by negative press and PETA.

Ok? Catch my drift? Let's go then. Edit: And because my temper rose as I was writing this, I'm going to answer them myself as well. Feel free to add your own commentary.

1. There's a dead coyote at the bottom of the driveway to my work. It's along a very busy road which a lot of people drive on twice a day. It's been sitting there for three days. Apparently...not too many people. Because the Animal Control only was notified today.
   
2. Three seconds ago, a child died because they live in a third world country with no access to medical treatment and not enough food to survive on. Probably just the family and the few people who found out about it after the fact. And by the time they've finished shedding one tear...another child is dead too.
   
3. Seattle council members put a ban on the Bodies exhibit because the organizers couldn't prove the cadavers had signed consent forms to be put on display. But then again...neither did King Tut. Those who found the display educational and now can no longer go....and those who thought it was "morally reprehensible" in the first place.....and the politician who is getting more publicity now.
   
4. The coffee urn at work (free coffee by the way) was empty. The person who had to refill it thus wasting exactly forty-five seconds of their precious time to be courteous to another person in the building...and nope....we can't have that! Instead, they'll just walk away and wait for someone else to fill it for them....and the person who did fill it for them: me.
   
5. Lindsey Lohan finally got sent to jail because she didn't follow the laws. Probably just LiLo.....and how unfair it all is.
   
6. Lindsey Lohan has her OWN two bed cell. EVERYONE ELSE who has ever heard of her or been sent to jail before and under no circumstances would have received such tempered punishment. Wait...did i just hear the cries of "justice" just start changing about that "injustice"?
   
7. There are still thousands of people who are homeless thanks to Katrina. The people who don't have homes and those who they are staying with.
   
8. There was a roll-over accident on the Alaskan Way Viaduct which blocked traffic for hours this morning. Everyone who drives to work on the Alaskan Way Viaduct and was cursing the person who made them have to wait.
   
9. That roll-over....was a fatality. Just the paramedics and police who had to deal with it, and the family of the people involved.
10. I taped up a calendar at work on top of a poster next to Miss Queen Bee who didn't like it and had to inform me that I'm not "allowed" to do that. Oh wait....I know the answer to this one.................could it possibly be...No one? Not even me?

That's right. Anne is fed up today with petty nonsense and holly-er than thou art bullshit.

I realize that we're from FIRST WORLD. We only care about things that inconvenience, annoy, or limit us in some way. Stuff that happens far away (unless it's displayed over every media format about a celebrity) doesn't matter! We're not supposed to worry about that kind of stuff.

We'll just brush it under the carpet and pretend it doesn't exist while we bemoan the obscured (out of date) poster or the empty free coffee pot or the snarled commute.

Heaven forbid that we get a little perspective to make us realize how precious life is and just how GOD DAMN GOOD WE HAVE IT.

Crows, and The Blob

I don't know what evolutionary reason that crows are up before dawn, but I sure as hell don't like it.

I've said it before, and I'll remind you. Rude awakenings make for a VERY crabby Anne.

My bedroom window faces the trash area of my little apartment cul-de-sac. It's far enough away that i never smell it, but it's within earshot. And every morning, i hear the indignant caws of the crows fighting over the trash. The loud, grating, inconsiderate argument over a bananna peel or a burger wrapper. Were i still at home, i could easily pull out my blow gun (yes, i own a blow gun) and stalk the stupid birds until i was close enough to shoot them with a paintball pellet. No, i'm not completely heartless; I use non lethal force to get them to go somewhere else. But here in the apartment complex, the last thing i would want would be someone to call the cops cause there's a crazy lady with some kind of weapon shooting crows.

So i am left, every morning, starting at about 4am, tossing and turning to their debate over garbage. Anyone have any ideas of what else i can do?

In other news, i tried a new recipe for my bread machine. This one was offline since following the recipe in the booklet for this specific model yields dense salty bread. Standard recipes are so bland, it's like eating flour paste. But I must say this new recipe was delicious! It's called Springtime loaf and i simply left out the raisins and optional extras. It has a nice sweet taste and it's light and fluffy. Maybe a little too fluffy. I went to bed before it finished, and I awoke to find the dough had seeped out from under the lid and crept all the way down to the counter. I had "The Blob" in my kitchen. Obviously, this recipe was meant for a double or full sized bread maker and not my small version. Not to worry, halving this recipe should be reasonably easy. And as luck would have it, the part of the over zealous loaf which was in the tin....was PERFECT and i was able to cut off the extra non cooked dough.

Oh yeah, and today is 8 months with the sweetheart. I don't typically celibate monthly, but I felt like he deserved an acknowledgment for putting up with me recently. I love you!

Do I really have to buy the Wilton Cake Kits?

One of my biggest pet peeves about taking a course are the "Necessary" kits/books/other supplies that you are told to buy when taking the course. The prices are jacked up like nobody's business and the kits have things in there that you'll never use after completing the course.

So if you have a spare $30 laying around or have enough time to buy offline and want things that will take up room in your kitchen that you'll likely have minimal use for... Then go ahead and buy the kits.

Me?
I'm frugal, cheap, creative....whatever you want to call it. I'm annoyed that i spent that much money on things I'm not convinced i HAD to have for this course.

Course 2 Kit contains:

Oval cake pans:
7 inch (long) pans aren't very useful when trying to feed party-goers. They'd be nice to make a simple very small cake for an intimate get-together with just a few friends. Or they're almost football, egg, or spaceship shaped if you feel a intense need for a lot of those kinds of cakes.
Me? Wouldn't have bought them if i haven't been made to believe they were imperative to getting a certificate. When it turned out that three other groups had bought hundred dollar kits in a handy-dandy toolbox. The teacher said, "just make a small cake with whatever you got". I hardly believe that any teacher would deduct points for a difference in shape.
My advice: Don't buy the kit just for the pans unless you see a real need for them.

Decorating Tips:
Required: 11 metal decorating tips, #1, 2, 5, 14, 47, 59S/59, 81, 97, 101, 103, 104
This is probably the only area where i agree that quality and precise adherance to the course is necessary. But pay $30......or buy them individually. There are craft stores and cooking gadget stores that usually either have them, or know where you can buy them.
My advice: I recommend getting a kit that's about $20. because you'll already have tips for more advanced courses too. Just make sure you have all the tip #s that you need. I ended up having to buy tip # 21 and 3 (leftovers from course 1). But everything else i already had.

Cake Formers:
Never in my life have i seen these things. They are curved plastic sleeves which you rest your flowers in in order to give them a "more realistic shape" as they dry.
My advice: Cut paper towel holders or old poster tubes length wise in half. For wider scoops: a 12 oz or liter soda bottle. Same thing...just free.

Color Flow Mix.
This one unfortunately is one you can't get out of. They give you enough of the stuff to get you through class in the kit. However, it is a fun technique and thus i personally wouldn't mind buying a small can of it from a cooking store. Same as Meringue Powder for your butter cream icing. Should be near there.

The only way i would buy this kit was if I had a 40% or more off coupon.

Side note: If, like me, you're interested in skipping course 1, i recommend peeking through the course 1 book ($3.00 used on amazon) prior to the class. If you can't get through it on your own...pay the money and take course 1.

Also, for other Skippers. You'll need a "Cake Board" or "Practice Board" which comes with the course 1 kit. Creative and cheap fix? Take a binder with a transparent sleeve on the front (for like presentation covers) and cut off a binder font or back. Same principal, just bigger, and a heck of a lot cheaper.

I hope somewhere out there, this helps someone avoid wasting their money when a little bit of creativity could save it.

The haircut

Ok, so there is an inevitable moment when you have to find another hair stylist. Though i love Talona's work like no-body's business and her rates were unbeatable......i had to plan out a month in order to get even a haircut. And there were no walk ins. She was slammed and though i adored her even as a girlfriend...i had to find somewhere that suited my needs.
I though i had found that at a well reviewed shop within walking distance to my home. So i gave it a shot. I knew with how many split ends i was getting, it was probably past time for a serious cut instead of trims. So i brought in pictures showing the hairstyle i wanted. I figured with about 4 pictures all showing the same length and style...there was no chance for it to go wrong.
Yeah right.
What i ended up with, even though i asked her to cut it just above my breasts......was a collarbone cut that was a good 3 inches too short. She didn't listen to me, even when i said...that might be too short, she just cut it anyway.
I was disappointed and heartbroken. My long hair which took 3 years to grow out was gone. And while i wanted to take off some, i never had anything this drastic in mind. It's going to take about six months to get back to where i had asked my hair to be cut at.
I know it's silly to be vain, and that hair does grow back, but I'm still upset even two days later. "Just a Trim" in Redmond has been put on my blacklist.

The cleanse

This year sucked. Plain and simple. 9 months of constantly adjusting took so much out of me. And I did a lot of it under a bevy of disharmony. I refuse to live like this anymore. So it's time to put an end to all of the stress I'm still carrying with me. So here is my final vent on last year. This is meant to cleanse my mind so i can move on. I'll be taking care of cleansing my soul and body later.
In college, i took a psychology course from a teacher that really knew her stuff. I loved the class. It was supposed to be difficult, but it seemed to click and i pulled out some of the top test scores. Of course, I passed the class with a C- due to the fact that i 100% forgot about the midterm paper. The day we turned them in, I was looking around going "Oh Crap!" with nothing in my hands but air.
In the class, one thing i remember was Maslow's Hierarchy.
Basically, if you think of it like an actual structure...each level is only as stable as the one below it. And if your foundation, (food, water, shelter, the essentials for life) is constantly in flux, so is the rest of your life. It turns into a game of Jenga; how long till the pieces fall apart? For instance: the last time i did something creative, was in November. Before all of this nightmare started; when i didn't know where i would be living at the end of every month, or who with, or if Katherine would actually pay her rent.

I know that i'm tired of comparing Kelsie and Katherine. Yet can't seem to stop. I'm hoping that getting all of it out of my head will help.

The final paperwork has been dealt with and hopefully will not pop it's ugly head up again. I truly hope to never hear from Katherine again. I'm not really sure why the numbers in the end played out the way they did, but I'm not complaining :-) It left me with a returned check for the last 8 days, and Katherine didn't get her old roommate's half of the original deposit. I feel like for the first time, justice prevailed.

I find myself, living again with someone whom I barely know and have no basis for trust. And despite all signs pointing to "You can trust Kelsie" my rational side still remains conservative. Both of us lived alone for a while and got used to the freedoms and liberties that comes with having absolute control over your domicile. Now again, we have to remember to compromise and communicate. While so far, the friction we have experienced has been barely perceptible, I can't help but look back at how i felt living with Katherine.

I thought I could trust her too. I thought she was too nice to try and screw me over. She promised me that I could treat the apartment as though it was half mine. Yet my normal habits became a matter of contention. I wasn't able to fold the couch blanket JUST right. I didn't leave the sliding door open enough for her cat to get out in the dead of winter when there was 10 inches of snow on the porch and the cat looked at her like "yeah, right, me? get my feet cold? i think not!" I tried to be compromising, but ended up all but barricaded in my room. Everything became a discussion which was basically her telling me how it was going to be. To which I ignored and continued to behave in a reasonably courteous manner.

With Kelsie, she seems to be less rigid and more open to merging our belongings. I didn't find myself with all of my stuff left stored at my parents house. This isn't to say that things might not change, but I'm trying to remain optimistic. And while she no doubt was there first, I haven't run into the mass amounts of opposition at simple changes so far. Mostly the change was necessary because she's a good deal taller than I am.

Dealing with Katherine always seemed to be an endless downward spiral. Yet i seem to have found the end of the string. I rode the emotional and mentally exhausting roller coaster rides, I held on to my convictions and now i sit, holding that metaphorical string end in my hands unable to let go because of how wronged my emotional side felt. So it's time to analyze with my rational side.

• Basics: Food was never an issue, my parents always say if you leave our house hungry, it's your own fault. Water, also never an issue. I have shelter and i know where I'll be living at the end of the month. I don't think i can accurately convey how much of a relief that simple fact is.
• Safety: I've lived with Kelsie for nearly 2 months. She has given me no reason to doubt that her portion of the rent will be paid on time. And we have a written agreement which protects both of us should something happen. Our place is in an overall safe city, safe part of town and there really is only one point of entry which we are both vigilant in locking up.
• Belonging: I have some great friends, some good friends, and some ok friends, but at least i have you all. Love has not really entered my life this last year but maybe that Jenga piece will fall back into place as soon as I'm ready.
• Esteem: All i can say is that i'm happy and proud to be standing on the other side of the downward spiral...because it goes back up from here.
• Self-Actualization: This is what a lot of people refer to as feeding your soul. I haven't been able to draw, paint, sculpt, write, or create for so long. There was too much stress or fatigue or my own schedule in the way. And it's the part of me that i missed the most. It's part of what defines me, and makes me happy.
  

The only way to recapture who I am is to let go of this pitiful thread of the past and pick up a paintbrush or a pencil instead. I think at this point, the paintbrush is looking more appealing.

In the few brief moments i have to myself this week

Let me preface this by saying: I am thankful to have a job, with benefits, good pay and a relatively safe work environment.

and let me end it by saying: If diana tries to go on vacation again i'm going to duct tape her to her chair.

It is not feasible for 1 person to do the job of 2 and a half people with only 1 and 2/3's hand usage and to still meet deadlines.
And i wish fervently for a boss's boss who would actually realize this...

A gripe for the "fashion" industry

I have huge pet peeves with the fashion industry, nearly all of them related to size. These frustrations, outrage, and annoyances are things i've had to deal with my entire life. I'm not jealous of skinny women. But i am jealous of the clothes they get to wear according to fashion "experts". And I'm not sorry that I have curves, I jiggle, and have parts that move no matter how still i try to be. I don't want to cover them up, I don't want to hide behind ugly matronly clothes. I was never lithe, slender, waif-like, or even athletic. And these days, i don't understand how fashion caters only to those who are. Even after dropping a solid 20 pounds, i still find myself stuck in the middle between ugly boxy coverup women's clothes, and beautiful clothes that show off my curves if they could just be ONE STUPID SIZE BIGGER!

Case #1: Wide calf my ass!
I have one true weakness when it comes to clothing and accessories. Knee high black leather boots are so sexy, that i can't help but admire them. I received my first pair at 15 and never have been without a set. But at 18, i started having to buy what were called "Wide Calf" which increased the price by almost 50$. And so called wide calf = 15 inches in circumference. I asked one of my average friends to measure her calf. it was 14.5". Mine, as a more curvaceous muscular legged person: 18"

Case #2: XL doesn't equal 1X (misses sizes vs. womens sizes)
I've come to realize that smaller ladies whom have never had to shop in women's sizes have absolutely no clue what the difference is between XL and 1X. to demonstrate, next time you're in a store, pick up an XL....and lay your hands flat on either side of the waist. That's about the standard size difference between those two sizes. Also i ask you to draw straight lines instead of curves at the waist and bust area.
Do the fashion designers think that because we don't look like a sewing maniquin...that we turn into oil barrels with arms and heads? Many of us plus sized women are exactly the same shape as smaller women, just bigger.

Case #3: I'm 23, not 63
Ok, most 23 year olds are closer to a size 12 if not smaller. But i refuse to believe that women even in their 30s want to wear the same style clothes as their mothers. I know while i love my mother dearly, there's no way in hell that I would want to dress like her. Yet i see the same polyester slacks, button down lace applique tops and boxy sweaters on the sales racks in my size....as are sitting in her closet. *insert horrified recoil and twilight zone music here*
Yet the young, stylish, hip clothes...don't reach to my size. Stopping short at an infuriating XL.
Believe me, i've been shopping in women's clothes since i was 15. (so much for juniors) I know which stores carry clothes that have small selections which cater to women like me. But there's not enough.

Non-related pet peeve:
A simple black cotton pencil skirt....should NEVER cost 268$ unless it's made out of real gold and has re-sale value!!!

Not for the first time in my life am I considering what it would take to start my own clothing line that is not for skinny women, not for those who are older, more matronly, but young and proud of sporting a few extra curves. If only i was better at sewing and not doing a billion other things in my life!

Good grief, what a whirlwind

So many things to update. Be prepared for a long post.

Biggest update; I'M MOVED IN!!! to the most gorgeous apartment ever with a hands down awesome roommate who sings in the car with me! It can't get better than this! Down to folding residual laundry and going through papers and I'll have my life back. Now if only i could get Auto-piolet to turn off when going home from work....

Also; my aunt is in town from New York this week with my cousin Mikey, so it's been a insane roller coaster ride of food, walking around, shopping, and more commonly yelling, squabbling, and accents so thick, sometimes you can't understand them. We totally seem like the dysfunctional east coast family but we're as thick as thieves and i love it.
We've done tours of downtown Seattle, predominantly Pike Place Market. She loves the vendors and all the interesting things to see. We all ended up with a bunch of interesting knick knacks. After that it was marathon shopping. My feet were singing a unhappy tune by the end of the day. My aunt and sister think i'm the odd one because I ended up buying one shirt throughout the whole day.
And no matter what else happens that day, I love hearing my aunt squak when I grab the check out of her hands for dinner and grin at her no matter how much she protests. She hasn't quite gotten the point that I'm not going to let her pay while she's on vacation.

One of the best parts about Aunt Maria coming into town, is that my work-aholic dad is all but forced to stop working at the island and we're all able to actually enjoy it for an entire day. I invited Kelsie down on Sunday for the BBQ and we spent the greater majority of it in the water. I raise my glass to itallian blood which doesn't let me burn in the sunlight. And to STILL being the only person who hasn't been knocked off of the inner-tube with our boat despite the newer and much more powerful motor.

Katherine, the incessent sore in my side, will soon be gone. I discovered that it doesn't appear that i paid a deposit when i moved in. So i went and did nothing more than a courtesy cleaning and left. I wiped down everything and vacuumed. That was it. Today, i gathered the last bit of my mail, put a vacant notice in the mailbox, turned in my keys and last little bit of rent that I owe. I'm done with that place. The only interaction remaining with Katherine and I is signing the deposit refund (if there even is one since i didn't bother to patch the tiny holes i did make) and sending it off her way.
Before you get your panties in a twist over that, let me explain something real quick that i learned. Katherine and her first roommate at this place, went in half-sies on the 400 deposit. When the first roommate left, she never got the deposit back. And the second roommate and myself never paid one. So no matter what, Katherine is getting back more money that she put in. So if there's some deductions, i want them to be out of that extra she's trying to get her greedy little hands on.

It's been a hard lesson to learn this past year. And i'm not so naieve as to think it's one i'll never have to experiance again.

Katherine's actions truely have had serious effect on me, my spirit, and my bank account over the last 8 months. I've had a stress knot on my shoulder, i've cried more often than ever before and i was forced to dip into my savings thanks to her. I spend hours going back and forth about wanting to write her a letter and enclose it with the final deposit check detailing her infractions, and letting her know once and for all exactly what i think of her.
As always, my two sides are making very good arguments:

• I need closure
• It's not worth my time and effort
• She's so naieve that maybe it's high time someone told her off
• Who cares? she's not my problem anymore
• I don't want her thinking that we're still friends or even friendly
• You can also just block her emails and phone calls
• I need to vent off all this frustration on the right target
• Never put anything in writing that which you wouldn't let Grandma read
• All my younger friends seem to think this is a good idea
• All my older friends/mentors don't think this is a good idea.
  
• I hate her
• Emotion has no place in a business relationship.

I still don't know what i'm going to do at this point. At the very least i'm sure that a letter is going to get written. It's more of whether it goes in the mail or gets burned, that's in question now.

Other updates include:

• Happy birthday to my friend Colin.
• I need to stop burning the candle at both ends
• Getting the internet to work at my new place should NOT be like pulling teeth
• and I'm trying to plan on going to New York over laborday weekend.
  

A pet peeve

I took a weekend to think about this before i wrote it. I'm still pissed off. I tried to call and talk to the person involved and she knows who she is. I never got a response. Maybe she's busy, maybe she's avoiding me. I don't know which. But here's my side of the story.

Here's one thing i really hate. It's a trend. When a female friend goes to leave my life, for marriage, or to fulfill her dreams somewhere else where it's obvious it would be a long distance friendship; I suddenly turn into the bad guy. Or rather, that's how they start perceiving me.

No matter how nice i try to be, how supportive, how understanding...they suddenly start taking everything i say as snide, vindictive, rude, or intentionally mean. I can joke just like i normally would and other people who know of the situation will agree what i said wasn't that bad...but I'm suddenly the bad guy...and there seems to be nothing i can do about it. I get passive agressive, formally and publicly berated just because they have a stick shoved up their butt from stress or whatever.

You know what

I'm done. This is the second time it's happened this year. I'm tired of fighting to keep friendships.

You want out of this friendship so badly that you forget how supportive I've been, how many times I've told you "i believe you can do it", and encouraged you; Go. What i said wasn't mean. I was joking and you know it. You know it because you're probably one of the cleanest, most innocent girls i know. It's like Santa Claus wearing pink polka dots. It doesn't fit so it's funny. Others agreed. You know it cause you've known me since junior high. And if by now you can't tell when I'm joking? You're about as dense as lead.

So i hope it's just stress and other things going on and that eventually we can laugh and put this behind us. But next time you jump down my throat over something as stupid as that?! I'm gonna yank that stuck up your butt out and beat you over the head with it. Not appologize.

And if this is it? Goodbye and good luck.

I found the conversation police at work

My best friend was laid off. I fully believe (after witnessing several confrontations, reading emails between them and listening in on phone conversations) that I know the root cause for this. I have MANY opinions about this, and 99% of my opinions tend to cause people to fluff their feathers and get uncomfortable. However, at work, you're supposed to be politically correct.

SO!!
WHEN ASKED!!! and ONLY WHEN ASKED!!!
I first give them a choice: "Do you want to politically correct version or what really happened?"
Politically correct version: [my friend] has left the company
Usually i get one of two responses: "I want to know what really happened" or "the incorrect version"

this is my starting response: "There was a personality conflict between [my friend] and his boss that escalated and in the end [my friend] was laid off."
The more questions they ask, the more detail I go into. If i make a derogatory statement towards the remaining person, I'll preface it with "I think..." or "In my opinion..." or "I believe"

This is what I have been doing since Monday. Actively making sure, I don't let an opinion slip out without one of those disclaimers mostly because i know I'm angry and somewhat prejudiced.

Now, someone whom i wasn't even talking to decided to tell me that i shouldn't be doing this. That I'm defaming the company who laid off my friend. And then THREATEN to turn me into HR...you can call it what you like but when you say "(if you don't stop) I'm gonna go to HR" that's a threat...

I hear you.
I understand that you are trying to look out for my well being and that you're not doing this just be a jerk.
I wholeheartedly disagree with your opinion.
I believe you didn't know [my friend] very well, or you didn't care for him very much.
I think your moral compass is WAY off if you believe they pay you enough here to essentially LIE for them by keeping your mouth shut.

So! Do what you need to do. That's what I'm doing.

Maybe that's why i wasn't very popular in school:
I wasn't afraid to do what was right instead of what was popular.