a minor rant

I'm not drunk, I'm not angry, just needing to get this out before it festers.

I feel like I'm on the outside, and unwanted on the in. I see the group of them and even though I've known some of them longer than they've known the others and yet, I'm not treated with the same desirability as others in this group. I view them all as friends, try to be as nice as possible, not needy or clingy or whiny or anything like that. Make sure that they know that they are welcome at my new place, try to encourage them to come over.
And just when my place is finally ready and i work my ass off to get it clean and everything....no one wants to come over because they were all out together the previous night and are all tired.
I can understand them being tired, i can understand them hanging out.
But i get a double zinger when the a) never even asked if i wanted to come instead wording it as "i have plans" and b) no one wants to go through with the plans i had detailed out and everyone seemed really excited about when i initially told them because they're all tired. Instead, they want to change the plans and go do something else entirely different then they just don't want to do anything at all.
Ok, be flexible, be understanding and figure that they probably just didn't realize how much it meant to me to have them come see my new place. For at least three of them, they're still living a college style life where most things are paid for by someone else. Not that this is a bad or lesser thing...its just a very different feeling to have everything come out of your own pocket. Mostly likely, they don't even know how to comprehend how i feel. It's beyond them.


Everything in my life has changed in the last two months. I've become single, found an apartment, moved out, pay my own rent, had my car decide to die on me, have family problems have to get a new car, have problems with said new car, buy two different kinds of my own insurance.
All i wanted was for my friends to come and celebrate all this new stuff with me because it's a little scary to do it alone which is how i feel now. Alone, unwanted, and overlooked.

I don't know what else to say except deep down, i should have seen this coming.

News to me

Growing up, my neat freak sister would almost never come in my room. It was a mess. Organized but a mess. There was almost no floor space, getting in and out required manhandling the door, and i couldn't keep it clean for more than a week. It got worse when i got to my teenager years, where there were piles everywhere and still no floor.
Now I'm suddenly in my first apartment, adjusting well with a great roommate and her attention whore cat...and suddenly i can't stand mess at all.
Having everything in the boxes was driving me nuts because i couldn't find anything. So for the first time in my life....I'm folding clothes and putting them away when they come out of the laundry, there is such a thing as a hanger and there are several of them used in my closet. (this is talking foreign territory here :P)
All the random papers and miscellaneous art supplies and stuff are organized and have a place. There is nothing under my bed....

and the weirdest thing is i like it and want to maintain it.

I feel like I'm not myself.

Another double post

So before Eve, my old car that was trying to bleed to death, actually died....we got rid of her.
I spent 3 days going to every ford dealership and Autotrader.com hit for a car i was looking for.

Now, hopefully my past blogs, however opinionated, will have indicated that i am not a prissy, air headed, parent indulged, moron typical of my generation.

I know a bit about cars, having worked on my mitsubishi taught me a few things that most kids won't learn in their lifetime. i think ahead to maintenance and usability, and i research all the changed a company has made over the years. yes, i am not dumb nor gullible. I want a 2005-07 Ford Focus in Black with cloth interior and all power options.

First Dealership:
"well, we don't have that but how about this bright obnoxious blue color. Could you go colorblind for the right price? oh common stop being so picky, beggars can't be choosers, i don't have a used car factory behind the store, i can't just give you what you want."
Needless to say, i left after the New York bitch in me came out. "even if i went color blind, it would still be grey, not black. It's my money, I'm going to be picky if i want. I know what i want, I'm going to get it, You can either help me or get the fuck out of my way"

Second dealership:
the armrest in the middle was broken. And i mean broken as if someone had intentionally pried it off of it's hinges. it would take them about 2 weeks to fix it...and they won't knock off more than 500 of the price for it because of that. Also, the breaks are grinding. It only takes one experience of running your roaters almost down to know what that feels like. And the tongue lashing i got from my father was reinforcement enough to never forget it.
"oh but it's probably just because the breaks got wet and they feel a little funny"
So i get out and pry off the hubcap with one hand and run my finger along the roter....it's bumpy......this car has not been taken care of.
I leave and basically tell them, no way in hell.

Third dealership:
The sales guy, Travis, was really nice. Saw me pop the hood and start pushing and prodding things and came over. When i asked him what something was that i had never seen before he looked at me and said "i could try to make up an answer for you, but in all honesty, i don't know" They had a charcoal gray version that i had considered before but i still really wanted black. I actually sat down with this guy and ran some numbers. I told him I'd think about it and thanked him for not treating me like an airhead. He actually said, you knew more about that car than i did...thanks for the lesson.

Fourth dealership:
wanted to drive me over to his other lot where he though he had a black one......yeah right. they had red and white. I said thanks but no. He was pretty bla.

Fifth dealership:
had a black one with manual windows. I could have told him no instantly when i saw that but he was being real pompous and actually calling me sweetheart and baby. So, when he didn't take my no nonsense knock it off look seriously, and feeling a little mischievous, i decided to mess with him. When he asked if i wanted to test drive it, i said "OK...you can ride in the trunk" and gave him my Cheshire cat grin which can best be described as a grin with alterior motives clearly behind it. He quickly passed me off on another sales person whom wasn't as much fun to mess with and i left.

Last Dealership:
Didn't hurt that they had the car i was looking for exactly. Note to self. Always go with the older veterans. Kurt was great. He laughed when i suggested he ride in the trunk and said "i guess it would show you just how much you can fit in there" (he was a bigger guy). And he let me take it on a highway to test out the pickup speed. He didn't protest when i cut a slightly sharp u turn in gravel. When i asked him what that same mysterious object was he actually knew, and explained it to me (air filter replacement gauge). When we went in to do some numbers, he explained warenteies, talked about every concern i had. i even got the special internet price that they had going on for that week only. All in all, he was knowledgable, respectful, understanding, and relaxed. It was the atmosphere that i wanted all along.

So i bought the car. She's perfect. When i first sat in her, i knew it was just so right.

thing is....two days later, the radio stops working. -_-
warentees are such good things. I'm naming her Jinx...because it fits.

my thoughts today= dark and angry

Reading the news today has left me livid and sputtering with non comprehension. There are 2 child murder cases (that I've read about) being blasted in the news today. The children brutally murdered, after being raped and tortured, one in front of his sister. One of the culprits is a multiple time re-offender.
WHAT ARE THESE MONSTERS STILL DOING ALIVE?! How is it possible they were able to re-offend with a several year gap? HOW?
I'm 100 percent for killing anyone that would, or has, harmed a child (I'm not talking spanking or anything like that). Whoever has such a lack of conscience as to do that, doesn't deserve to live while taxpayers pay for a life of, confined but still, ease. Unless they're going to have the same kind of torture and violating acts done onto them for the rest of their life...they don't deserve life at all. Kill them and get them out of the way of civilization. End all possibility of them escaping and re-offending.

I seriously look at a good chunk of the legal system in America with contempt now. A person proven to have murdered a child can plead insanity and have doctors talk to them for extended period of time thus delaying or padding their eventual sentence. This over-indulgent so as not to offend anyone has gone too far.
*Children who are misbehaving because they want attention are sent to therapists for behavioral problems and are medicated up
*Adults who have a fucking easy life with a steady job and well more than they need, call themselves depressed because of the credit card debt they rang up!
*Babies are being handed off to day care so the parents don't have to assume responsibility and then they get to bitch and moan when they miss out on the first word or first step.
*And don't get me started on the "entitled teenagers and tweens"- children who get cell phones and Nintendo DS for their 8th birthday and get another one shortly there after because they lost or broke it.

We spend so much time indoors complaining that there is nothing to do. But the children can't go outside because one of those psychos might grab them and abduct them.
What's so wrong with vigilantes? When did it become so wrong to follow your gut and get rid of the distasteful members of society. Do it in a group to prevent it from going too far or spreading unecesarily. But stop tolerating it.

I was born with an ability to strike up a conversation with anyone. Yet i was never so gullible as to follow a stranger, or tell them very much about myself or get near their car. That A: went against all those little warning bells in my brain and B: oh hey, what ever happened to "NEVER TALK TO STRANGERS" that was drilled into us in school and at home? must be those behavioral problems that i was sent to my therapist for and i must have forgotten to take all 10 of my pills this morning for being a kid........

oh wait, I'm not one of this pansy generation. I'm for killing someone who hurts a child. I wonder how far this nonsense of tolerance will go?

oh yeah, but heaven forbid you get a parking ticket...they'll wring every last cent out of you possilbe.

look at that a double post....

Two posts in one day. wow, this might turn into too much of a good thing:

Questionable Content is an absolutly hilarious webcomic. It's like FRIENDS mixed with a lot more lewd jokes, groping and geek punage. Thanks Colin (who is not being an ass at the moment but rather his usual quiet dark brooding self who will make a good source for the butt of a joke at any given moment....oh sheesh colin, i'm joking...*see, told ya so*) for corrupting me. Now i shall corrupt the world!!! MUAHAHAHAH! or at least the world of those who subscribe to my blog.......plots for worldly anailation seem to be necessarily put on hold.....
ttp://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic

Oh yeah, and whoever just made popcorn in the microwave at work needs to be shoved in there and cooked themselve until they explode like a popcorn kernel. I still have over an hour till i get to eat! FUCKING NOT COOL!