Countdown to NaNo 2009

Some of you may recall last year I spent all of November obsessively involved with NaNoWriMo. National Novel Writing Month. Well, November is in sight and I've made the decision to commit to my second year.

I wrote stories starting exceedingly young. My stories were never very intricate, as predictable as they come, with the same kind of characters and always had a happy ending. But I always had a story of some kind deep in the works.

As I grew older, I developed the opinion that if you're going to bother reading a book, it should take you away from what you know to be real. If anything can happen in a book, why read non-fiction? Sure some people's lives are interesting, riveting, or horrific...but reading about someone's day to day life; just never appealed to me. I'd rather read about dragons, magic, warriors fighting for a cause they believe in down to their core, talking animals, spaceships crossing the galaxies and finding life far beyond our tiny little corner of space. If anything is possible in a book, why not escape reality as we know it?

I always wanted to get published. Just once...even if it wasn't a best seller, or a story that many ever read. But I never seemed to land on a story that could get me there. I always had trouble writing past a certain point. I would get right up to a climax...then realize that i didn't have one. AT all. At that point, usually the story would fizzle and disappear into a desk drawer or an obscure file on my computer.

Then came NaNo 2008. It started out as something i had heard my friends talking about. In great detail. 50,000 words in 30 days. Seemed daunting. I knew i could write the recommended number of words per day. My trouble was doing so in a story format. Because i knew, if i wrote that much...I'd have to end the story, or be close to doing so. My friend colin had been doing it for several years, and won 3 out of 4 times. I read his stories and they were great if a bit chaotic. But at the speed he was writing, I didn't blame him. So I signed up. I like challenges.

What I never expected was to win my first time round. Sure I was going to try my darnedest...but I sat back when i crossed the 50k line 3 days early and just blinked a few times because I wasn't quite sure that the number was correct.
I never expected to meet people from all walks of life also doing this challenge and to become friends with them all. From people who worked high up in local Microsoft, to the housewife with some extra time on her hands. Just out of college to high school drop outs. And their stories were as varied as their faces. For the first time, my writing wasn't being graded or judged. It didn't matter because it was all in good fun. And fun was something that was never lacking.

This year, there are going to be a few changes.

1. I started on a story idea soon after Nano ended. It didn't get very far, but has extreme potential. I'm going to continue the story, but not count the 5,500 words which have already been written in the challenge. So in the end, i hope to have a story which is closer to 60,000 words.
   
2. Last year, I sort of fell into a leadership role. I arranged for meet ups, write ins and talk outs, as well as a after-celebration. It seemed to go well and didn't affect my writing at all. I'm going to take a more serious hold of this role this year and hopefully get more local writers to join our group.
3. My main character this year is going to be different from anyone i've ever written. She's not all powerful, desired by all, strong and independent. She's more the kind of person that things just happen to and she takes everything as best as she can.
   
4. I'm also going to work on more research, to make my story more believable. This means talking to professionals, learning from them, and observing their behaviors and tactics in their day to day lives. I want my story to have merit. Not just plausible circumstances.

It's a new year, new challenge, new circumstances. I hope to be joined by old members as well as new. Let the friendly competition begin.

The cleanse

This year sucked. Plain and simple. 9 months of constantly adjusting took so much out of me. And I did a lot of it under a bevy of disharmony. I refuse to live like this anymore. So it's time to put an end to all of the stress I'm still carrying with me. So here is my final vent on last year. This is meant to cleanse my mind so i can move on. I'll be taking care of cleansing my soul and body later.
In college, i took a psychology course from a teacher that really knew her stuff. I loved the class. It was supposed to be difficult, but it seemed to click and i pulled out some of the top test scores. Of course, I passed the class with a C- due to the fact that i 100% forgot about the midterm paper. The day we turned them in, I was looking around going "Oh Crap!" with nothing in my hands but air.
In the class, one thing i remember was Maslow's Hierarchy.
Basically, if you think of it like an actual structure...each level is only as stable as the one below it. And if your foundation, (food, water, shelter, the essentials for life) is constantly in flux, so is the rest of your life. It turns into a game of Jenga; how long till the pieces fall apart? For instance: the last time i did something creative, was in November. Before all of this nightmare started; when i didn't know where i would be living at the end of every month, or who with, or if Katherine would actually pay her rent.

I know that i'm tired of comparing Kelsie and Katherine. Yet can't seem to stop. I'm hoping that getting all of it out of my head will help.

The final paperwork has been dealt with and hopefully will not pop it's ugly head up again. I truly hope to never hear from Katherine again. I'm not really sure why the numbers in the end played out the way they did, but I'm not complaining :-) It left me with a returned check for the last 8 days, and Katherine didn't get her old roommate's half of the original deposit. I feel like for the first time, justice prevailed.

I find myself, living again with someone whom I barely know and have no basis for trust. And despite all signs pointing to "You can trust Kelsie" my rational side still remains conservative. Both of us lived alone for a while and got used to the freedoms and liberties that comes with having absolute control over your domicile. Now again, we have to remember to compromise and communicate. While so far, the friction we have experienced has been barely perceptible, I can't help but look back at how i felt living with Katherine.

I thought I could trust her too. I thought she was too nice to try and screw me over. She promised me that I could treat the apartment as though it was half mine. Yet my normal habits became a matter of contention. I wasn't able to fold the couch blanket JUST right. I didn't leave the sliding door open enough for her cat to get out in the dead of winter when there was 10 inches of snow on the porch and the cat looked at her like "yeah, right, me? get my feet cold? i think not!" I tried to be compromising, but ended up all but barricaded in my room. Everything became a discussion which was basically her telling me how it was going to be. To which I ignored and continued to behave in a reasonably courteous manner.

With Kelsie, she seems to be less rigid and more open to merging our belongings. I didn't find myself with all of my stuff left stored at my parents house. This isn't to say that things might not change, but I'm trying to remain optimistic. And while she no doubt was there first, I haven't run into the mass amounts of opposition at simple changes so far. Mostly the change was necessary because she's a good deal taller than I am.

Dealing with Katherine always seemed to be an endless downward spiral. Yet i seem to have found the end of the string. I rode the emotional and mentally exhausting roller coaster rides, I held on to my convictions and now i sit, holding that metaphorical string end in my hands unable to let go because of how wronged my emotional side felt. So it's time to analyze with my rational side.

• Basics: Food was never an issue, my parents always say if you leave our house hungry, it's your own fault. Water, also never an issue. I have shelter and i know where I'll be living at the end of the month. I don't think i can accurately convey how much of a relief that simple fact is.
• Safety: I've lived with Kelsie for nearly 2 months. She has given me no reason to doubt that her portion of the rent will be paid on time. And we have a written agreement which protects both of us should something happen. Our place is in an overall safe city, safe part of town and there really is only one point of entry which we are both vigilant in locking up.
• Belonging: I have some great friends, some good friends, and some ok friends, but at least i have you all. Love has not really entered my life this last year but maybe that Jenga piece will fall back into place as soon as I'm ready.
• Esteem: All i can say is that i'm happy and proud to be standing on the other side of the downward spiral...because it goes back up from here.
• Self-Actualization: This is what a lot of people refer to as feeding your soul. I haven't been able to draw, paint, sculpt, write, or create for so long. There was too much stress or fatigue or my own schedule in the way. And it's the part of me that i missed the most. It's part of what defines me, and makes me happy.
  

The only way to recapture who I am is to let go of this pitiful thread of the past and pick up a paintbrush or a pencil instead. I think at this point, the paintbrush is looking more appealing.

Seahawks vs Rams

I've been a fan of football since highschool. Kind of comes with the territory of dating a football player. But even when that chapter of my life closed, i retained the love of the game. The snap, the kicks, the bone cruching tackles and that moment when you hardly dare breath lest the ball be fumbled.
I was given (thank you again so much Mike) four tickets to the game last sunday (sept 13) and it was a great game to be at. The first quarter was a little iffy, but our team pulled everything together and slaughtered the Rams 28-0.
I was joined at the game by my roommate and her boyfriend, Jonas. He is from Sweeden originally and it took him a while to get into the game. But with Kelsey explaining and a brand new seahawks hat he kept up with us.
Also joining us was my long time friend Brendan. I was glad to have someone to talk to the entire game who's as much of a fan as i am and not annoyed when i yell and scream and dance.

Good company, good food, good alcohol, and a great game.

In the few brief moments i have to myself this week

Let me preface this by saying: I am thankful to have a job, with benefits, good pay and a relatively safe work environment.

and let me end it by saying: If diana tries to go on vacation again i'm going to duct tape her to her chair.

It is not feasible for 1 person to do the job of 2 and a half people with only 1 and 2/3's hand usage and to still meet deadlines.
And i wish fervently for a boss's boss who would actually realize this...