Ferocious Anne

Did you know....
that I am so ferocious that it takes not one, but two cop cars to light me up and pull me over to tell me my tabs are expired???

Naturally this comes after just a couple months that i reminded a friend of mine to get his tabs renewed so that he wouldn't get a ticket. Which in the midst of moving...i promptly forgot about my own. I never received the reminder they are supposed to send out in july or august. Anyway, in october, i have a grand night with blinding red and blue lights. -_-

Now they've arranged for my mitigation hearing. On CHRISTMAS EVE no less. I would have thought that being government, they'd have that day off. Sounds like some people are going to be unhappy with being at work that day. Lucky me.

How on earth does the state justify $216 for forgetting to put little stickers on your plates? That sounds like extortion. Ah the crazy laws we abide by. Some traffic fines, i can understand. Like passing a school bus, or running a red light, or driving drunk. But STICKERS!!!!!!

I'm hoping that since it has been 5 years since my last infraction (which was differed) and that the tabs were taken care of within 24 hours...that they might let me get away with a reduced fine or even better; all together.

*Crosses fingers*

Winter's Delights and Deadfalls

Winter in the Northwest is a mixed blessing. This has been true especially in the last couple of years.

• We get several light dustings of snow....but they accumulate and turn into layer upon layer of ice.
• There isn't enough snow for us to feel like we can't drive....but Seattlelites can't drive in anything more than a drizzle anyway
• Holiday shopping is at it's peak...and so are the lines at the stores.
• Friends are always happy to see you...provided you're the one willing to brave the icy streets to see them.
• There isn't a lot of snow on your windshields in the morning....just a lot of stubborn ice.

With Nano over, I'm finally catching up on all the miscellaneous tasks that fell by the wayside. Things like oil changes, cleaning, paperwork, bill filing, and decorating. The one think i absolutely love about the Christmas season is the lights. They make me so happy. I even have a strand up at work. Now all i have to do is survive cleaning my room and I'll be back to normal.

In other news, I am currently locked in an epic battle with a credit card company that i opened my first account with when i turned 18. Seems the left hand isn't talking to the right and all the words are coming right out of the ass. It wasn't until i started my cold and agressive campaign in which i demanded and took down names, extensions and departments that i finally started getting somewhere. Normally, i wouldn't take such a strong emotion with this kind of issue. However, the fact is, I was told that my account was shut down in MAY. I have paperwork stating so. But the annual fee actually sent me to collections. And now they're trying to hold my $500 dollars hostage. Not to put too fine a point on it- I'm not pleased with that prospect.

I believe credit cards are a necessary evil. I simply DO not spend money i don't have yet the society we live in requires us to maintain some kind of credit score. Yet since i have maintained good credit up till this point; things like Annual Fees and Giving them 500$ to hold to make sure my credit is assured....are not acceptable. And that 500$ is MINE.

Christmas shopping is almost done. I have one more stop to do since i very nearly forgot someone very important to me. As of tonight, I should be clear to wrap and deliver. Yay!

Attacking Overwhelmment

Overwhelming circumstances have a tendency to make me feel like throwing in the towel before i even get started.
Like the current state of my room. While the main living area was kept fairly neat for the roommate situation, my room on the other hand, was left to go to seed. It's quite possible that gremlins have been able to make off with a few things.
During Nano, a lot of my normal tasks get pushed aside for the writing. Letters and emails go unopened, bags get thrown, receipts litter my floor, coins are scattered, and don't even get me started with the laundry waiting patiently to be folded and put away.
Usually, I'm so tired by the time i stop writing, that i manage to stagger into my room, take a hold of my bedspread, jerk it back so that anything on top of it goes flying to the floor, any remaining energy is expended trying to get into bed and pull it back over me.
Now that Nano is over, my energy is going into playing catchup. I spent a whole day just doing laundry. And i ended up having to run out of the house for something and not comming back. Then i tried to clean my bathroom, and ended up getting a call from the family to help out with something. Never ended up finishing that.
A ton of half started projects makes for one big mess. And i know you're probably all sitting over there going "just pick one and finish it!". And as i look around my room, i laugh at how easy it must seem when you're not in a constant state of Overwhelmment.
I'm currently formulating a plan which starts at the biggest thing in the way and works outward from there. Only time will tell if i have enough energy to finish it.

Ok, Brain = Dead

Sorry for the delay in posting. Nano got a little hectic for a while. You'll be happy to know that i reached the 50k on the 29th, and then decided not to push my word count beyond that. I simply burned out this year. Between the new boyfriend, family demands, friends who realize I'm suddenly available again, AND all of the tasks that i have put off all month....I'm beat.
And while I'm still too burned out to even plan an after party, I'm doing my best. It might just turn out that next Tuesday we all meet up and chat and talk and joke around. Because thus far, trying to coordinate a bowling night has been hell, both by picking a day that they can all make it, and that the night isn't already taken over.
My life is currently in a state of chaos. I haven't cleaned in a month, making my room an effective obstacle course. Rather than try to sort through a months worth of clothing on my floor, i simply washed everything made of cloth. I'm not quite finished getting that back in order, but my room is a lot less dangerous than before.
Also, i'm going to be making judgment calls on a lot of the things in my room which have been in my way. Things like satchels, luggage, etc that are bulky and don't need to stay in my room when i have a perfectly good garage to store things in.

In other news:
After 6 days off of work, I'm back in the grind. The vacation was much needed and greatly beneficial. Now if only i could just squint my eyes and make this stack disappear.
Also, It's the holiday time. Out comes the half merry half scrooge Anne.
I love the lights, the thrill of finding perfect gifts, the snow, the fact that for a change i have someone to cuddle up with under a comforter on the cold nights and watch Star Trek for the gazillionth time.
What I don't love is that this is a consumerist free for all with ungrateful brats, pushy parents and the tug of wars over parking spaces. People seem to get caught up in the MUST BUY GIFTS zombie like mentality and forget the spirit of Christmas.

Well this is unexpected....

I had heard from the very earliest days of my introduction to nano, that the community of writers can form lifelong friendships. These are people that you share a rare side of yourself with if you're not a writer by trade. You reveal your hobby to them where you might not reveal it to a random acquaintance you just met. You share it, and they live and breathe the excitement of Nano with you.
Since i started Nano, i've made a couple friendships which have lasted. Given my limited involvement last year, i'm not really surprised that i made so few. However, it is only my second year.
With my leadership-esque role that I took upon myself this year it forced me to open up further and to really get to know these people. To greet wary and unsure people with a smile and a firm handshake, to crack jokes and be the driving energy behind what could be very dull and boring meetings. To check in with everyone to make sure they're doing ok, and to try to help them around roadblocks.
Not only do you develop these amazing friendships, but they have a tendency to happen in a short space of time. We're only just over 3 weeks of having met and gotten to know eachother and yet i can say i hope these people are in my life for a very long time.
I've met several people along the way that really have made this Nano an amazing experience.
There are two specific people i'd like to mention, but by no means are they the only people with whom i've found a connection of some kind.
Annie, i started calling her Anne squared because of the similarities of our names. An amazing woman with a heart of gold and mind in the stars of the federation. A Star Wars nut and a Trekkie to boot, we've become almost convinced that we're sisters separated at birth. She is also amazing because of all the trials and hardship she has endured yet still turned out as sweet as honey. A pillar of strength and compassion with a sense of humor and a smile.
And the other is my new boyfriend.
Yup you read that right. After....a long time, I have a boyfriend again.
My inherent nerdyness has pretty much always been deeply buried during relationships. I'm happy now that i can let my nerd flag fly.
I can be in love with star trek even though it's scientifically inaccurate. I'm allowed to know pretty much every line in all six star wars. The freedom in being with someone who makes me laugh non-stop and accepts me just the way i am right now, is something i've never experienced before. I'm amazed at how fast things progressed between us, considering I only really got to know him just three weeks ago.
I can only hope this continues for the foreseeable future.

The only negative for right now about this change is that my Nano progress has taken a hit given that we talk all the time when we're together. And very little progress is being made. Nothing detrimental, i haven't fallen behind the standard daily quota yet. But my lead has started narrowing.

So i created an incentive to write more.
One of the few "girly" things that i absolutely love is a manicure and pedicure. As soon as i cross the finish line...i'm going to get one. And considering the current state of my cuticles...that's a good kick in the pants.

The haircut

Ok, so there is an inevitable moment when you have to find another hair stylist. Though i love Talona's work like no-body's business and her rates were unbeatable......i had to plan out a month in order to get even a haircut. And there were no walk ins. She was slammed and though i adored her even as a girlfriend...i had to find somewhere that suited my needs.
I though i had found that at a well reviewed shop within walking distance to my home. So i gave it a shot. I knew with how many split ends i was getting, it was probably past time for a serious cut instead of trims. So i brought in pictures showing the hairstyle i wanted. I figured with about 4 pictures all showing the same length and style...there was no chance for it to go wrong.
Yeah right.
What i ended up with, even though i asked her to cut it just above my breasts......was a collarbone cut that was a good 3 inches too short. She didn't listen to me, even when i said...that might be too short, she just cut it anyway.
I was disappointed and heartbroken. My long hair which took 3 years to grow out was gone. And while i wanted to take off some, i never had anything this drastic in mind. It's going to take about six months to get back to where i had asked my hair to be cut at.
I know it's silly to be vain, and that hair does grow back, but I'm still upset even two days later. "Just a Trim" in Redmond has been put on my blacklist.

Week 1 of Nano down

Week one is the easy week. Any veteran Nano-er will tell you that. That's when your story is flowing, you're still energized, your hands have only begun to cramp, all the things you've spent months planning are still working out. Not to mention, it's been so easy, you've had time to make a buffer of words so you remain ahead of the word count just in case.
Now comes week two
Now comes the point where we start to get tired of our characters (or in my case wanting to smack them), and distractions become more and more tempting.
People whom you spent all of october (and sometimes longer) beating into their heads that you will under no circumstances be available for anything in november....forget and start showing up at your house.
Your lack of time, sleep, and knowing that you should be writing slowly decays at your house until you have four loads of unfolded laundry strewn about your floor because you're so tired in the morning you just upend the whole basket onto your bed to try and find clean clothes. then it is promptly tossed back into the hamper (not caring if some misses or not) come the time when you finally get to bed
Not to mention the relaxing time of just staring at a tv and not having to think can become addicting.

Don't give in my fellow insanely driven writers! Write write write!

In other news:
I'm getting a haircut today. I know ...gasp! it's only been like 3 years since i last got more than a trim. Looks to be like i'm loosing 5-6 inches. Hopefully it'll be just enough that it will start to look healthy and full again. And even though i DESPISE this actress as well as her most famous role. i have to say i like her haircut.

We're following the leader, the leader....

Holly fricken cow! 24 people showed up to the two different Meet-Ups. I couldn't believe how many people came. I was sitting there the entire time thinking to myself "Anne, what on earth did you get yourself into?" Thankfully, 3 people have generously volunteered to (aka been roped in to) help me.
And i know of at least one more person who couldn't make it to the Meet-Up due to vacation, but is planning on attending the Write-Ins.
We're all sitting, squished in the small conference room at Panera. I'm not entirely sure that we'll all fit when everyone comes on next Tuesday.
I've been going over the logistics of Panera for several days, and hopefully, now have a plan.
I just hope it works.

I've taken to writing up all the issues i've run into and some possible solutions down for next year. Like the power issue. There's one outlet in the main dining area. Just one...for 24 computers. I'm hoping that we'll be able to make power strips work.
Also, it's hard to get the attention of 24 people, I need some kind of obvious but not overly loud noise maker.
Maybe by next year, I'll be able to have a better grip on this. One of the people who volunteered used to do what I'm doing now. He's basically told me "i couldn't do it...good luck to you".
Very comforting isn't it?

I'm a natural leader. I'm organized, practical, flexible, and most importantly, i have a loud voice which can get attention. I really hope all that works to my benefit.

Sounding Boards

Several of my friends are now getting used to this new designation i have bestowed on them. They are my sounding boards. I need to get things out of my brain before I can even know they were there. Sometimes, simply having someone there and talking at them is enough to jog some shining tidbit out of my brain.
One thing i both like and disliked about last year was the lack of productivity at the Write-Ins. Sometimes, my brain just needed that break. Sometimes I needed sounding boards. But ultimately, i should have been spending some time writing.
When I decided to do NaNo this year, I also decided to take on most of the responsibility of what NaNo called "Municipal Liaisons". Short version is...they set up and show up for meetings.
Which is exactly what i'm doing. It's not hard so far. My main job, is keeping the conversation going.
I'm currently plotting for incentives to write during Write-Ins. Somehow though, my brain keeps ending back up in my story idea. go figure...

Down to the single digits

There are 9 days before NaNoWriMo kicks off. And I'm chomping at the bit. I'm ready to go, not in 9 days, but now. And the tension is driving me nuts.
Mostly because friends are asking me if I'm available some days in November. And when I reply with "nope, booked till December 1st", they look at me askance.
My family is trying to make family plans, preparation for Thanksgiving, as well as some home projects that they need help with. And I've had to be firm with my responses of "I have plans, I am not available. Period." Somehow, i think something has gone missing in translation.

Maybe I haven't laid this out clearly enough.

• NaNoWriMo is an online challenge to write 50,000 (FIFTY THOUSAND) words in the form of a novel.
  
• Now compress it down into 30 days.
• This breaks down to approximately 1,667 (One Thousand, Six Hundred and Sixty-Seven) words a day.
• That's approximately 3 pages, single spaced, 12 pt font, standard margins, in MS Word.
• The total is about 90-95 pages with the above specifications.
• The total is about equivalent to a 200 page book.
• All THAT....in just 30 DAYS!
  

• And to answer your question...yes, all of us are just a little bit nuts!

The site is set up kind of like a writer's guild. There's tools to help you write and develop your idea, people who have been doing this for all manner of years for advice, and a global friendly competition to keep you going at this breakneck speed. It's free, but the donations are aimed at A) keeping this going, and B) to develop writing curriculum in schools aimed towards creative writing.

There are no physical prizes for finishing. Just a "You Won!" notice on your profile. You don't get a trophy, no balloons and confetti, you don't get a check on cardboard which is bigger than you are.
What you do get is personal. It's internal satisfaction that no one can understand but you.

And that's worth it for me.

Candy Coating

As Halloween creeps up, so comes the masses of candy. It's everywhere and retailers are all but throwing it at you. So comes the visits to the costume shops and decoration stores.

I love Halloween, I really do. Dressing up as soemthing else, mystery and for a change, being allowed to scare the bejeebies out of your friends.

What i don't love...is the price tags. 59.99 for a draped sheet turned into a toga. 39.99 for a zombie outfit of ripped clothes. I mean really? And seeing the same boring costumes every single year. People need to get creative!

My sister and i were discussing cheap and easy costumes. mullet wig+leather jacket+boots = 80's biker chick. Green visor, fuzzy car dice, deck of cards = poker dealer. All black outfit, white gloves hat and facepaint=mime!
I won't tell mine, but I hope to at least be comfortable. not wearing skirts that barely cover the essentails during october weather.

And on a side note:
Why is it, that when you disagree with someone, no matter how nice you are about it...they still get ticked off at you and punish you for not agreeing with them?

I'm blunt. I don't do sugar coating, and I don't beat around the bush about things. Yet what really gets me, is the hypocrisy involved with an argument. So long as you agree with them, even if an opinion is unsolicited....it's OK. As a matter of fact, it's appreciated.
Yet, if you have the audacity to contradict or voice a negative point, even prefacing them with "no offense" or "I'm not trying to hurt your feelings with this...but i dissagree" suddenly you're the bad guy. In a conversation...there is no such thing as constructive criticism. It's just plain criticism.
It can be as simple as a disagreement on necessity, or food, or quality or any number of trivial things and suddenly it's this huge issue. And all it started as was an opinion. A different opinion.

Ever have those moments....

Where a thought like "WHAT??? Are you kidding me?" and you want to smack your forehead into your palm.

Whether it is a person, an animal, or a "brilliant" idea/object thought up by someone long before you ever encountered it; i'm sure we've ALL had those moments. Usually on a daily basis.


Many of these moments are derived from our childhood. Someone who was taught how to clear a clogged drain may be confused as to how someone could not know what a pea trap was let alone channel lock pliers. Or someone brought up in a house full of fashionable females, may not understand that everyone doesn't know the difference between cardigan and a sweater.

My home, growing up, was full of life lessons, centered on engineering, common sense, do-it-yourself projects. I also learned very valuable lessons like "see if you can reason it out" and "if you can't figure it out, try a book" followed by the fail safe of "call dad". So my experiences usually led to a feeling of ease when handling problems. That feeling...led to dismay, confusion, and all out dumbfoundedness when I learned the hard way...not everyone is like me.

Moments like (and feel free to face-palm...i know i did):

• "I don't know how to paint a table" when the table in question currently has no paint or varnish on it.
• "A screw fell out of the frame, so I'm just going to get rid of the whole thing before any more fall out" rather than find where the screw came from.
• "what's a phillips screw driver....is it a brand name?" no...it's the one that looks like a star
  
• "How do you right click?" just........fail.
• "the bulb keeps burning out....must be the lamp" or..that you have the wrong wattage.
• "The printer won't work" (looks but doesn't touch and then reads off "load paper"
• "these directions make no sense" ....helps if read the words too, not just look at the pictures
• 
  

Many of these leave me wondering how some people survive day to day. I'm not downplaying the damsel in distress ploy played by so many women. Not when you have someone there to come to the rescue who wants to. But when there's no one around, what's the point of bursting into tears?
This brings me to another pet peeve. How can you not know how to use jumper cables? Never mind that some people just plain don't have them in their cars (another "brilliant" idea)...but if you had them, wouldn't you make sure you knew how to use them? Red to red, black to black. Positive to positive, negative to negative. This shouldn't be a brain buster!

My applause goes out to those who can use common sense on a regular basis and avoids those moments where others facepalm over an action or decision or sentence. And for those who have moments of idiotic nature please stand by while I do the obligatory facepalm before i can help you.

Bill Engvall had it right...."here's your sign."

From Blogger Pictures

Two dozen roses or a flash drive?

My father is quite the charmer when he feels like it. He can come up with the most romantic ideas and plans for them sometimes years in advance. My mother, is rather known for all but ruining them.

Take their 25th wedding anniversary.

My father saved all of his pocket change for 4 years, finally cashed it in and bought her a beautiful ring to go with her wedding band. He meticulously picked out all 5 diamonds for exceptional sparkle and personally chose the setting. He then whisked her away for a trip to Maui. He had his long time friend from the army and his wife join them. While they distracted her there, he did extensive recon to find a restaurant with a sunset view, and made the reservations. Just as the sun was going down, my father reached into the camera pouch to pull out the ring box. When he looked back up, my mother was already halfway out the door with the camera to take pictures of the sunset. His buddy and wife were too stunned to say anything. THe waiters who were in on it were shocked too. By the time my mother returned, everyone was trying not to chuckle as my dad finally handed her the ring box. She was immensely pleased...both with the ring and the pictures she took.

But nothing compares to the time he came home for no reason with two dozen red roses and a brand new flash drive back when those things were brand spankin' new. My mom promptly pounces on the proffered flash drive and takes it out of the package while my dad is still there holding the roses. The family got a good laugh out of that one.

I called my parents last night to let them know my brand new laptop had arrived a week early. My mother was excited and asked me all sorts of technical questions as i was only too delighted to answer them. My father in the background asked what was up. When she told him, there was silence. I think Dad has come to realize that given the presence of new technology, like mother like daughter...we tend to get a little over obsessively enthusiastic. And it's not really something he understands. I bet he was chuckling to himself remembering as I did the day when I got my first flashdrive and flowers on my birthday. I too...seized the flashdrive first.

So yes, my new laptop has arrived. My last one has served me faithfully for over 5 years through both high school and college. But lately i have realized that I'm growing out of it. I need more room, more capabilities, and most importantly, the ability to leave a wall for more than 10 minutes. I realize i could simply buy a new battery and call it good, but I made the investment anyway. It's time. I can only hope to have as good an experience with this one as my previous laptop.

The October Turnover

October. The turning point of the year.

September still remembers the heat and sunshine, and everyone is so busy rushing around trying to get ready for the start of school that they even notice a fallen leaf.
But it's not until October that the world slows down; darkness comes noticeably earlier, the trees turn to the colors of flames; and we start to notice for the first time, the ice formed on our windshields when we go to work in the morning.
Early October is when all the summer clothes go into hiding, and warm coats are retrieved from vacuum bags, closets, and under the bed storage. Sweaters and heaters are needed all of a sudden as the cold penetrates no matter how tightly shut up your home is. Down comforters become a warm sanctuary emphasized by electric blankets and soft fuzzy socks.

Speaking of which. I'm not sure how i ever survived without the items in the last sentence. I have discovered that it is truly foolish to change out your blankets for a down comforter and an electric blanket on a Sunday in time for going to work on Monday. The foolishness lies in this because come morning...you are NOT going to want to leave. I sat there thinking to myself this morning..." Do I really need a shower? will anyone notice if I don't wear clothes in today?"
Of course the answer to these is why I did manage to pry myself from the folds of my comforter and proceed to do so. My workaholic nature aside, i seriously considered calling in sick.

NaNo 2009 is slowly but surely gearing up. Now is the time when I start working out tiny details which could have a big influence on my story. And with my role this year, I'm planning, and weighing odds for meetings. How many people can show up every thursday?, but then we run into thanksgiving. Would it be better to do it on wednesday, or the weekend. So many things to think about. And even though on the 6th, it seems like there is plenty of time; I'm certain there isn't.

In other news: My OCD took over one day and i spent 4 hours refinishing a headboard my dad got for really cheap. I sanded out all the scuff marks, and re-stained part of it, painted the other and now it looks like it came straight from a showroom. I also changed over the colors in my room from the blues and whites to the reds and browns for winter. Soon i hope to have my room actually...clean and organized. I hate living like this, but I haven't had a solution before.

And the greatest news of all, i have purchased a new laptop. It is georgeous, powerful, and will do everything i want Laglessly. I'm already drooling.

Countdown to NaNo 2009

Some of you may recall last year I spent all of November obsessively involved with NaNoWriMo. National Novel Writing Month. Well, November is in sight and I've made the decision to commit to my second year.

I wrote stories starting exceedingly young. My stories were never very intricate, as predictable as they come, with the same kind of characters and always had a happy ending. But I always had a story of some kind deep in the works.

As I grew older, I developed the opinion that if you're going to bother reading a book, it should take you away from what you know to be real. If anything can happen in a book, why read non-fiction? Sure some people's lives are interesting, riveting, or horrific...but reading about someone's day to day life; just never appealed to me. I'd rather read about dragons, magic, warriors fighting for a cause they believe in down to their core, talking animals, spaceships crossing the galaxies and finding life far beyond our tiny little corner of space. If anything is possible in a book, why not escape reality as we know it?

I always wanted to get published. Just once...even if it wasn't a best seller, or a story that many ever read. But I never seemed to land on a story that could get me there. I always had trouble writing past a certain point. I would get right up to a climax...then realize that i didn't have one. AT all. At that point, usually the story would fizzle and disappear into a desk drawer or an obscure file on my computer.

Then came NaNo 2008. It started out as something i had heard my friends talking about. In great detail. 50,000 words in 30 days. Seemed daunting. I knew i could write the recommended number of words per day. My trouble was doing so in a story format. Because i knew, if i wrote that much...I'd have to end the story, or be close to doing so. My friend colin had been doing it for several years, and won 3 out of 4 times. I read his stories and they were great if a bit chaotic. But at the speed he was writing, I didn't blame him. So I signed up. I like challenges.

What I never expected was to win my first time round. Sure I was going to try my darnedest...but I sat back when i crossed the 50k line 3 days early and just blinked a few times because I wasn't quite sure that the number was correct.
I never expected to meet people from all walks of life also doing this challenge and to become friends with them all. From people who worked high up in local Microsoft, to the housewife with some extra time on her hands. Just out of college to high school drop outs. And their stories were as varied as their faces. For the first time, my writing wasn't being graded or judged. It didn't matter because it was all in good fun. And fun was something that was never lacking.

This year, there are going to be a few changes.

1. I started on a story idea soon after Nano ended. It didn't get very far, but has extreme potential. I'm going to continue the story, but not count the 5,500 words which have already been written in the challenge. So in the end, i hope to have a story which is closer to 60,000 words.
   
2. Last year, I sort of fell into a leadership role. I arranged for meet ups, write ins and talk outs, as well as a after-celebration. It seemed to go well and didn't affect my writing at all. I'm going to take a more serious hold of this role this year and hopefully get more local writers to join our group.
3. My main character this year is going to be different from anyone i've ever written. She's not all powerful, desired by all, strong and independent. She's more the kind of person that things just happen to and she takes everything as best as she can.
   
4. I'm also going to work on more research, to make my story more believable. This means talking to professionals, learning from them, and observing their behaviors and tactics in their day to day lives. I want my story to have merit. Not just plausible circumstances.

It's a new year, new challenge, new circumstances. I hope to be joined by old members as well as new. Let the friendly competition begin.

The cleanse

This year sucked. Plain and simple. 9 months of constantly adjusting took so much out of me. And I did a lot of it under a bevy of disharmony. I refuse to live like this anymore. So it's time to put an end to all of the stress I'm still carrying with me. So here is my final vent on last year. This is meant to cleanse my mind so i can move on. I'll be taking care of cleansing my soul and body later.
In college, i took a psychology course from a teacher that really knew her stuff. I loved the class. It was supposed to be difficult, but it seemed to click and i pulled out some of the top test scores. Of course, I passed the class with a C- due to the fact that i 100% forgot about the midterm paper. The day we turned them in, I was looking around going "Oh Crap!" with nothing in my hands but air.
In the class, one thing i remember was Maslow's Hierarchy.
Basically, if you think of it like an actual structure...each level is only as stable as the one below it. And if your foundation, (food, water, shelter, the essentials for life) is constantly in flux, so is the rest of your life. It turns into a game of Jenga; how long till the pieces fall apart? For instance: the last time i did something creative, was in November. Before all of this nightmare started; when i didn't know where i would be living at the end of every month, or who with, or if Katherine would actually pay her rent.

I know that i'm tired of comparing Kelsie and Katherine. Yet can't seem to stop. I'm hoping that getting all of it out of my head will help.

The final paperwork has been dealt with and hopefully will not pop it's ugly head up again. I truly hope to never hear from Katherine again. I'm not really sure why the numbers in the end played out the way they did, but I'm not complaining :-) It left me with a returned check for the last 8 days, and Katherine didn't get her old roommate's half of the original deposit. I feel like for the first time, justice prevailed.

I find myself, living again with someone whom I barely know and have no basis for trust. And despite all signs pointing to "You can trust Kelsie" my rational side still remains conservative. Both of us lived alone for a while and got used to the freedoms and liberties that comes with having absolute control over your domicile. Now again, we have to remember to compromise and communicate. While so far, the friction we have experienced has been barely perceptible, I can't help but look back at how i felt living with Katherine.

I thought I could trust her too. I thought she was too nice to try and screw me over. She promised me that I could treat the apartment as though it was half mine. Yet my normal habits became a matter of contention. I wasn't able to fold the couch blanket JUST right. I didn't leave the sliding door open enough for her cat to get out in the dead of winter when there was 10 inches of snow on the porch and the cat looked at her like "yeah, right, me? get my feet cold? i think not!" I tried to be compromising, but ended up all but barricaded in my room. Everything became a discussion which was basically her telling me how it was going to be. To which I ignored and continued to behave in a reasonably courteous manner.

With Kelsie, she seems to be less rigid and more open to merging our belongings. I didn't find myself with all of my stuff left stored at my parents house. This isn't to say that things might not change, but I'm trying to remain optimistic. And while she no doubt was there first, I haven't run into the mass amounts of opposition at simple changes so far. Mostly the change was necessary because she's a good deal taller than I am.

Dealing with Katherine always seemed to be an endless downward spiral. Yet i seem to have found the end of the string. I rode the emotional and mentally exhausting roller coaster rides, I held on to my convictions and now i sit, holding that metaphorical string end in my hands unable to let go because of how wronged my emotional side felt. So it's time to analyze with my rational side.

• Basics: Food was never an issue, my parents always say if you leave our house hungry, it's your own fault. Water, also never an issue. I have shelter and i know where I'll be living at the end of the month. I don't think i can accurately convey how much of a relief that simple fact is.
• Safety: I've lived with Kelsie for nearly 2 months. She has given me no reason to doubt that her portion of the rent will be paid on time. And we have a written agreement which protects both of us should something happen. Our place is in an overall safe city, safe part of town and there really is only one point of entry which we are both vigilant in locking up.
• Belonging: I have some great friends, some good friends, and some ok friends, but at least i have you all. Love has not really entered my life this last year but maybe that Jenga piece will fall back into place as soon as I'm ready.
• Esteem: All i can say is that i'm happy and proud to be standing on the other side of the downward spiral...because it goes back up from here.
• Self-Actualization: This is what a lot of people refer to as feeding your soul. I haven't been able to draw, paint, sculpt, write, or create for so long. There was too much stress or fatigue or my own schedule in the way. And it's the part of me that i missed the most. It's part of what defines me, and makes me happy.
  

The only way to recapture who I am is to let go of this pitiful thread of the past and pick up a paintbrush or a pencil instead. I think at this point, the paintbrush is looking more appealing.

Seahawks vs Rams

I've been a fan of football since highschool. Kind of comes with the territory of dating a football player. But even when that chapter of my life closed, i retained the love of the game. The snap, the kicks, the bone cruching tackles and that moment when you hardly dare breath lest the ball be fumbled.
I was given (thank you again so much Mike) four tickets to the game last sunday (sept 13) and it was a great game to be at. The first quarter was a little iffy, but our team pulled everything together and slaughtered the Rams 28-0.
I was joined at the game by my roommate and her boyfriend, Jonas. He is from Sweeden originally and it took him a while to get into the game. But with Kelsey explaining and a brand new seahawks hat he kept up with us.
Also joining us was my long time friend Brendan. I was glad to have someone to talk to the entire game who's as much of a fan as i am and not annoyed when i yell and scream and dance.

Good company, good food, good alcohol, and a great game.

In the few brief moments i have to myself this week

Let me preface this by saying: I am thankful to have a job, with benefits, good pay and a relatively safe work environment.

and let me end it by saying: If diana tries to go on vacation again i'm going to duct tape her to her chair.

It is not feasible for 1 person to do the job of 2 and a half people with only 1 and 2/3's hand usage and to still meet deadlines.
And i wish fervently for a boss's boss who would actually realize this...

A gripe for the "fashion" industry

I have huge pet peeves with the fashion industry, nearly all of them related to size. These frustrations, outrage, and annoyances are things i've had to deal with my entire life. I'm not jealous of skinny women. But i am jealous of the clothes they get to wear according to fashion "experts". And I'm not sorry that I have curves, I jiggle, and have parts that move no matter how still i try to be. I don't want to cover them up, I don't want to hide behind ugly matronly clothes. I was never lithe, slender, waif-like, or even athletic. And these days, i don't understand how fashion caters only to those who are. Even after dropping a solid 20 pounds, i still find myself stuck in the middle between ugly boxy coverup women's clothes, and beautiful clothes that show off my curves if they could just be ONE STUPID SIZE BIGGER!

Case #1: Wide calf my ass!
I have one true weakness when it comes to clothing and accessories. Knee high black leather boots are so sexy, that i can't help but admire them. I received my first pair at 15 and never have been without a set. But at 18, i started having to buy what were called "Wide Calf" which increased the price by almost 50$. And so called wide calf = 15 inches in circumference. I asked one of my average friends to measure her calf. it was 14.5". Mine, as a more curvaceous muscular legged person: 18"

Case #2: XL doesn't equal 1X (misses sizes vs. womens sizes)
I've come to realize that smaller ladies whom have never had to shop in women's sizes have absolutely no clue what the difference is between XL and 1X. to demonstrate, next time you're in a store, pick up an XL....and lay your hands flat on either side of the waist. That's about the standard size difference between those two sizes. Also i ask you to draw straight lines instead of curves at the waist and bust area.
Do the fashion designers think that because we don't look like a sewing maniquin...that we turn into oil barrels with arms and heads? Many of us plus sized women are exactly the same shape as smaller women, just bigger.

Case #3: I'm 23, not 63
Ok, most 23 year olds are closer to a size 12 if not smaller. But i refuse to believe that women even in their 30s want to wear the same style clothes as their mothers. I know while i love my mother dearly, there's no way in hell that I would want to dress like her. Yet i see the same polyester slacks, button down lace applique tops and boxy sweaters on the sales racks in my size....as are sitting in her closet. *insert horrified recoil and twilight zone music here*
Yet the young, stylish, hip clothes...don't reach to my size. Stopping short at an infuriating XL.
Believe me, i've been shopping in women's clothes since i was 15. (so much for juniors) I know which stores carry clothes that have small selections which cater to women like me. But there's not enough.

Non-related pet peeve:
A simple black cotton pencil skirt....should NEVER cost 268$ unless it's made out of real gold and has re-sale value!!!

Not for the first time in my life am I considering what it would take to start my own clothing line that is not for skinny women, not for those who are older, more matronly, but young and proud of sporting a few extra curves. If only i was better at sewing and not doing a billion other things in my life!

The injured invalid update

As many of you have probably heard or gathered, I have a serious injury on my right hand. Turns out, serrated bread knives cut through meat as easily as their steak counterparts. lol.

To set the record straight as various exaggerations have come back to me:

• No, i didn't cut my hand off entirely
• No, none of my fingers were severed either
• There is a deep laceration on the fatty part of my thumb where it joins back up with the rest of the hand
• No, i didn't sever the tendon and still have use and feeling in my thumb
• No, i'm not going to post pictures.
  
• Yes, it really really still hurts and is healing slowly.
• I'm expecting to get the stitches out next wed/thurs
• I'll probably have the bandages on for a couple weeks after that.

Typing is rather uncomfortable for me so I've been building this entry over several days.

The trip to New York is off in lieu of medical bills much to my disappointment. However when you're bleeding like i was, not getting to the ER is a less than brilliant idea. And medical costs are out of control even if you're lucky enough to have insurance. So looks like New York will have to wait....again.

My heartfelt thanks goes out to my former neighbor Mike for dropping everything and taking me. And to those who have come or called daily to see how i'm doing. No worries...i'll be back to my usual self soon.

Oh...and Vicodin ROCKS!

What is something you couldn't live without?

Most corporations do some form of this.
Almost a year ago, my company did a intensive corporate teamwork workshop. For an entire day. It was designed to identify our personality types and how best to interact with the varying spectrum a work. Part of the workshop was learning about each other through flash cards with insightful questions on them.
One that i remember distinctly was: What is something you can't live without?
Most young people's minds spring to their cell phones or computers or other technology that we typically forget many generations lived quite well without.
People with families might say their loved ones. Or money or more literally...air.
And in fact working in environment where I'm one of, if not the youngest people led me to think about the intangible things that i need in my life.

I'm an artist. I don't think there's a scrap of paper that doesn't end up with some kind of doodle on it. Story ideas run wild in my head. I constantly want to make or create something. And when i'm forced for some reason not to....i start to get anxious, unable to pay 100% attention and go a little stir crazy.

As i sit here writing this entry one handed due to a rather serious injury on my dominant hand... i vividly remember saying: I couldn't live without my hands.

Unable to button my shirt for work, having to find and wear slip on shoes, not even being able to move my computer mouse without difficulty. I'm getting frustrated and all the emotions that come from being unable to help myself. Funny how i knew at least that much about myself.

This is going to be a long 10 days. -_-

I am short and organizing and the PGR

I haven't really felt the desire to write an update in a week now.
Kelsie and Jonas have taken a trip to Sweeden and will be gone till the end of the month. While it's nice having the place to myself; I'm getting frustrated.

Everything in this apartment is set up for tall people! Kelsie has a good 6 inches on me and Jonas has even more (probably close to a foot) in height. I find myself reaching above the microwave which is above the stove for my cereal. Now about 40% of my diet comes in the form of cereal. So this constant having to get the stool out to reach my cereal...DOESN"T WORK FOR ME!

So it's currently sitting out on the counter. That doesn't particularly bother me, but I know it won't work in the long term. It appears i'm going to have to re-organize the kitchen again before Kelsie gets back. Same goes for the laundry nook. When i have trouble reaching down the heavy bottles of fabric softener....there needs to be a change. What the change is going to be...i'm not sure yet. The wheels in my head are still turning.

Something have noticed, mostly because i used to work for a personal organizer and that's one of her major lessons. Vertical space is not utilized at all in this apartment. It's frustratingly cramped. Looks like i'm making a trip to The Container Store or Storables.

But that will be saved for sunday. Today, friday, i've been invited on a PGR mission. The Patriot Guard Riders are a group of motorcycle riding people i highly admire. They escort the bodies of fallen soldiers from the airport, to the funeral, to the burial sight. Their job is to make sure no soldier is forgotten and alone when they are laid to rest. They have a secondary job to obscure the hateful shouts of vile protesters at these events. Usually they do this with american flags and a bunch of harleys reved up at full throttle with speakers blasting country songs to drown them out. I may have never served in the military, but this is a group that i can't help but admire and respect. I'm honered to be allowed to join them today.

Saturday is painting at the island. It's about time we got those ceilings painted. I hate unfinished partical board.

When the girly bug bites

I grew up around all boys. I played GI Joe, not dress up. I made forts, not something in an EZbake. I played in the mud and dirt, not house. My barbies were Amazons, not Princesses.

No one would ever have described my childhood self as "Girly". When i grew up, I wanted to be strong, independent, and well....lets face it....not entirely grown up.

From Girls with Slingshots, webcomic

However, I learned that A) I feel exactly like the last panel in that comic now and B) it's tough to deny certain impulses.

90% of the time, I can walk through an entire store and not buy a single thing. My wardrobe is modest but still assorted. And most of the assorted-ness comes from what i call "Girly Bug Bites"

It's a brief shopaholic impulse that consumes me to the point where everything is pretty and i simply must have it! Usually only lasts a day or so, but i have been known to drop a couple hundred dollars in that time. That amount usually involves knee high black leather boots. My one true weakness....
Thankfully, my tight-pursed nature usually prevents me from buying things which are exorbitantly priced, or things that i would never actually wear. And even more thankfully...they only bite about 3 to 5 times a year.

At this time; my reaction to a Girly Bug bite is in full effect. Watch out stores.

In other news: I have a puppy for the next week. Prepare for massive puppy picture overload in my next post or two.

She squeaks and squaks

My Aunt Maria comes out to Seattle for an annual vacation to escape the searing temperatures of New York in the summer time. It's an adventure both she and my cousin Mikey look avidly forward to all year long.
Mikey is retarded in the traditional sense. He's basically a 7 year old trapped in a 33 year old body. He lives for food, (decaf) coffee and attention from those he loves even if it's as simple as holding his hand for a few seconds. He adores my dad to the point of completely ignoring his guardian Aunt Maria and has been known to spontaneously burst into ruckus dance and off-key singing. His favorite line is "Flip a U-ie!!!" and "Shake your booty".
My Aunt comes here for the Island. Plain and simple. Sure she gets to go shopping with my shop-aholic sister and go sight-seeing with my mother...but her single goal every year is to make it to the island and go swimming and boating.
Now, my aunt is not the adventurous type; thrill seeking is never on her agenda. She stays firmly on the ground while the kids go on the roller coaster.
So i was surprised when she asked me to take her for a ride in the Bayliner. Now, the bayliner has a new, and much to my pleasure, powerful engine. And I'm the kind of person who at 23, is the first one on the roller coaster, and last one off.
Natrually, since I'm the driver, i might have pushed the speed-limit...just a bit.

Ok, maybe a lot

Ok, maybe i should have gotten ticketed.

Maybe there are still claw marks in the boat from where Aunt Maria was hanging on for dear life as she screamed with every single little wave bump.

It's ok, she was still grinning when we docked. Lol

Good grief, what a whirlwind

So many things to update. Be prepared for a long post.

Biggest update; I'M MOVED IN!!! to the most gorgeous apartment ever with a hands down awesome roommate who sings in the car with me! It can't get better than this! Down to folding residual laundry and going through papers and I'll have my life back. Now if only i could get Auto-piolet to turn off when going home from work....

Also; my aunt is in town from New York this week with my cousin Mikey, so it's been a insane roller coaster ride of food, walking around, shopping, and more commonly yelling, squabbling, and accents so thick, sometimes you can't understand them. We totally seem like the dysfunctional east coast family but we're as thick as thieves and i love it.
We've done tours of downtown Seattle, predominantly Pike Place Market. She loves the vendors and all the interesting things to see. We all ended up with a bunch of interesting knick knacks. After that it was marathon shopping. My feet were singing a unhappy tune by the end of the day. My aunt and sister think i'm the odd one because I ended up buying one shirt throughout the whole day.
And no matter what else happens that day, I love hearing my aunt squak when I grab the check out of her hands for dinner and grin at her no matter how much she protests. She hasn't quite gotten the point that I'm not going to let her pay while she's on vacation.

One of the best parts about Aunt Maria coming into town, is that my work-aholic dad is all but forced to stop working at the island and we're all able to actually enjoy it for an entire day. I invited Kelsie down on Sunday for the BBQ and we spent the greater majority of it in the water. I raise my glass to itallian blood which doesn't let me burn in the sunlight. And to STILL being the only person who hasn't been knocked off of the inner-tube with our boat despite the newer and much more powerful motor.

Katherine, the incessent sore in my side, will soon be gone. I discovered that it doesn't appear that i paid a deposit when i moved in. So i went and did nothing more than a courtesy cleaning and left. I wiped down everything and vacuumed. That was it. Today, i gathered the last bit of my mail, put a vacant notice in the mailbox, turned in my keys and last little bit of rent that I owe. I'm done with that place. The only interaction remaining with Katherine and I is signing the deposit refund (if there even is one since i didn't bother to patch the tiny holes i did make) and sending it off her way.
Before you get your panties in a twist over that, let me explain something real quick that i learned. Katherine and her first roommate at this place, went in half-sies on the 400 deposit. When the first roommate left, she never got the deposit back. And the second roommate and myself never paid one. So no matter what, Katherine is getting back more money that she put in. So if there's some deductions, i want them to be out of that extra she's trying to get her greedy little hands on.

It's been a hard lesson to learn this past year. And i'm not so naieve as to think it's one i'll never have to experiance again.

Katherine's actions truely have had serious effect on me, my spirit, and my bank account over the last 8 months. I've had a stress knot on my shoulder, i've cried more often than ever before and i was forced to dip into my savings thanks to her. I spend hours going back and forth about wanting to write her a letter and enclose it with the final deposit check detailing her infractions, and letting her know once and for all exactly what i think of her.
As always, my two sides are making very good arguments:

• I need closure
• It's not worth my time and effort
• She's so naieve that maybe it's high time someone told her off
• Who cares? she's not my problem anymore
• I don't want her thinking that we're still friends or even friendly
• You can also just block her emails and phone calls
• I need to vent off all this frustration on the right target
• Never put anything in writing that which you wouldn't let Grandma read
• All my younger friends seem to think this is a good idea
• All my older friends/mentors don't think this is a good idea.
  
• I hate her
• Emotion has no place in a business relationship.

I still don't know what i'm going to do at this point. At the very least i'm sure that a letter is going to get written. It's more of whether it goes in the mail or gets burned, that's in question now.

Other updates include:

• Happy birthday to my friend Colin.
• I need to stop burning the candle at both ends
• Getting the internet to work at my new place should NOT be like pulling teeth
• and I'm trying to plan on going to New York over laborday weekend.
  

Chemical Burns Suck

So this weekend was extremely hot for Seattle weather, probably reaching 95 in direct sunlight. My sister threw a bbq down at my parent's cabin on a lake. My mom decided to invite half the neighborhood.
This meant that Dad and I who went down early saturday morning, got the wonderful task of cleaning an entire house for nearly 20 guests who arrived on sunday. Oh joy.
One of my tasks was to clean out the old shower which was downstairs in the basement. This tiled out-cropping probably hadn't been cleaned in 10+ years if the thick layer of crunchy bug carcasses was any indication. The base had been coated with an insecticide called Diazanon. So after vacuuming out the bugs with a shop vac, i had to get in there and scrub. I figured when I was done, i would go jump in the lake anyway so i went barefoot. Normally, this wouldn't be an issue as Diazanon isn't harmful on the skin. But as normal, i got called away to do something else, and put my shoes back on.
I spent the rest of the day eating, entertaining people with small talk, and spending every moment i could in the water. I even managed to escape getting sunburned. I went home that night quite tired and pretty much went to bed immediatly when i opened the door.
The next morning, i cleaned my bathtub at home with bleach to kill the mold which was starting to grow. Got in, and took a shower since i hadn't taken one when i got home the night before. Then i went to work.
Within an hour, my feet were burning, within two i couldn't stand having my shoes on, within three, i was in real pain and left work early. My mom gave me anti poison oak medicine, then i soaked my feet in baking soda water, then thinking it might have been a sunburn, put aloe on the bottom of my feet.
I spent most of the rest of the day with my feet about a foot from an AC unit as the inflamation slowly went down.
It wasn't until we went through a list of everything i did the previous two days that we made a connection. Bleach and the Diazanon residue in my shoes: DO NOT MIX!
Granted we're not scientists, and could be wrong. But I'm not inclined to try and find out.

In other news, I have my TV up in my room now! :D

Home Stretch

Rounding third base, and coming in for the home stretch. Mark, get your mind out of the gutter.

I'm down to approximately one more car load (my car, little economy Ford Focus (not Fuckus Brittany *glare*)) and then a moving party with my dad's big ole van which we'll move my bed, dresser and other such big things. That's scheduled for Friday which is pretty much the coolest day this week. And i really want to get it done before the weekend which is projected to be 95 degrees. Moving that heavy stuff in that kind of heat? Um...no thank you!

I've been weighing the pros and cons of moving over a larger period of time or in a single day like i did last time. Wondering if I'm stressing myself out more by having my things in boxes for longer periods of time, or inducing less stress because everything is organized, labeled, and there's no rushing necessary.

After contemplating this for a week....I still don't have an answer. Fact of the matter right now is that the end of july is freaking HOT and after working 10 hour days, I don't have the energy to go faster. If i needed to...i know i could make it happen. But since I don't....i'll take it easy.

My only goal is to be mostly moved in and unpacked by July 31st. That will take a great deal of stress off when my aunt and cousin get in from New York and spend a week and a half here. Beyond that....everything is just my dad's incredible icing on top of a already delicious cake.

Yet again...I hate TV dinners. to the point where I'm avoiding buying them in order to have an excuse to order in from places like Olive Garden. Let's see...dehydrated meat, lumpy sauces and under cooked pasta, or Olive Garden? hmmmm...tough choice.
Yes! I'm a food snob! Yes! I care about the quality of food i consume; the taste, texture, seasonings and the fact that it's uniformly warm! TV dinners are vile. Bearable, but still gross in my humble opinion. I can't wait to unpack my kitchen stuff and use those sexy stainless steal appliances.

Launchday!

I have the keys to my new apartment. Simple pieces of metal really shouldn't make me this happy, but I just don't care. I have keys to the most gorgeous apartment ever. *dances*
Also:
Kelsie is amazing and negotiated for us to have an actual GARAGE...with a clicker and everything!

Now when i can buy a motorcycle...i also have somewhere to put it.
Hmmm decisions decisions.

Apartment Adventures

I'm happy to announce that my credit and background checked out just fine and I'm signing onto the lease tonight unless I hear otherwise and then it's just a matter of rescheduling rather than changing minds.

It's not that I was worried per se. But over the last months, when i was 99% sure everything was going to be fine, it was that 1% which screwed me over repeatedly. So I've been walking around like I'm waiting for the ax to fall all weekend. Even my sister found out just how on edge I've been. Saturday night held only 2.5 hours of sleep for me. On the other hand I finished a book cover to cover.

I've developed a highly strategic plan of attack on my apartment. Now all i require is the energy after work each day to actually execute this plan.
...And BOXES!

When the going get tough, the tough get tougher

459 emails related to my roommate search since December.
Of these,
I actually had conversations with 136
Met with 92
Said yes to 11
Offered 3 a nod of approval with any level of confidence
2 turned me down due to outlying circumstances
and 1 was actually turned down by the apartment complex.

Why on earth was this so hard?

I might be picky to a certain point but, come on! I've got horror stories coming out of my ears!

God I want out so badly. I have a hunch if Kelsie will let me, I'll be moved in by the 25th at the latest. Turn the power, and cable/phone/internet off then and just go back to turn in my keys when the lease is officially up.
The new place is unbelievably nicer. If I ever have to leave, it's goign to be hard to go back to economy style.



Speaking of Kelsie, *yes that's the right spelling* let me tell you a bit about her from what I know so far.
She's a blond version of me, taller, bubblier, and a little older. I believe she told me she was about to turn 27 soon.
She's very regimented in a good way, she even had a list of questions she wanted to ask me.
She does the tangent thing when she talks, too funny
She's from Montana originally, though her folks now live in Idaho and her brother is in (i want to say) Texas.
And she has a boyfriend who's from Sweden.



I have a feeling this is going to make for some very fun and interesting posts in the months to come. I can't fricken WAIT!

Update: Living situation

Since...oh about FEBRUARY!!!!!! I have spent the great majority of my posts on rants about my "ex"-roommate and pleading that something will finally fall into place so I don't have to deal with this anymore.
Well, finally something has finally gone right and i feel better about this update than I have about any others before.
I posted an Ad for myself on Craigslist, hoping to find someone else who was looking for a roommate to go find a new place together. Mostly to avoid the "Seniority Mentality" that i ran into with Katherine.
All too soon, the responses started rolling in. There were several jewels this time, people and places that seemed too good to be true, until i found out the catches. (300$ worth of utilities? I don't think so!) and of course the people who can barely speak English, let alone type coherent emails.

But one stuck out most of all. Basically what caught my attention was the fact that she was exceedingly specific but somehow managed to make it seem like she was still a human being. So we began the obligatory talks and next thing i know, I'm sitting across from a blond mirror of myself. Friendly, talkative, but still mature and responsible. 3 hours later I finally managed to leave and for the first time felt like i had a form of kinship with her.
We have had almost the exact same scenario play out. The roommates lost their jobs, wouldn't look too hard to get a job, ONLY wanted to be a nanny, were lazy and we basically had to force them to continue to pay rent, and finally just disappeared back to their parent's home without so much as a goodbye.
And if anything, our experiences have made sure we know to cover our butts for the future. What i really like about her is that when i start talking contracts...she doesn't take it as a personal attack, but more like a good idea in that we don't really know each other and until we do, it best to treat this like a business arrangement.
I have accepted, and she has agreed. We are meeting again on thursday to discuss specifics.

On the plus side of this:

• at this rent rate, it means i can still take a trip to New York AND afford my new and much needed laptop!
• All stainless in the kitchen *drool*
• Still in Redmond near enough to work and friends, instead of way the bloody hell out in Kirkland
  
• Washer and dryer *jumping for joy*
• and i can walk through my closet to my bathroom and the bathroom is HUGE!
• And last but not least, i can start to move in right away.
  

My one unfortunate circumstance is that my couch would need to go into storage. My wonderful, comfortable, Red Couch of Awesomeness.

Oh and that next I get to negotiate the return deposit amount with Katherine. Fun times *sarcasm*

*raises water bottle* Here's to moving pains.

Oh, guess what...more roommate searching

Yup, it's that time again...just when i had started getting comfortable again...the need to find a roommate comes up again.
I'm exhausted mentally and emotionally. I really just want the situation figured out and to not change.
I know that the only way to do that is to depend on myself alone.
Yet i have yet to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, or the hand of Midas. Better know as, I'm a low income twenty-something that has to make compromises in a city where you need moderately-high income to live comfortably.
So back to the roommate search....again.
I've been looking for a roommate steadily since December! the first time Katherine threw the "I'm moving out and you have to find someone to replace me" nonsense in my face.
Of the 47 people i've physically interviewed, there's still only 1 that i truely wish things had worked out.
Maybe i'm picky....maybe i just don't want to take chances, maybe i put off a vibe that makes people uneasy. I don't know....but all i've found is people who there is no way in hell i would live with willingly.
How has this become the norm for late teenagers and early 20 somethings?
To brag about your illegal behavior to a complete stranger then expect them to not turn you in
To not even fully read the post people take the time to write and ask questions to which the answers have already been given.
To show up 3 hours late and demand to be given an audiance anyway
To show up drunk and high
To lewdly make suggestions to your potential roommate thinking she'll just fall for you and let you move in free of rent

Seriously...all of these I have experianced. I've been shaking my head vigorously for 7 months. It's gone beyond frustrating to downright draining.

While i'm sorry for Katherine that things haven't worked out according to plan and she's been stuck with the apartment, i can't bring myself to feel any kind of remorse that i didn't accept the first person who wanted to move in to get her off the lease. I had to watch out for myself.
Business is business.

Here's to the hopes that something will start to go right soon.

Singing

I was lucky enough to be given my mother's singing voice and octave range. And though I'm no where near as good as many, i can sing fairly well and have a good voice to work with.
In school I joined choir starting in 5th grade and again in junior high and high school. I enjoyed it, the performances, the reverberating tones when the whole group hit just the right note, the practice, the lights on my face, even the teachers.
I even took a solo performance with only 3 days practice to help out a teacher needing to fill a space at a ceremony.
I know what it's like to perform. I felt the moments of terror when my voice cracked or I failed to sit on a note correctly. Or when you forget a line and quickly look to someone for help. I can spot a great singer in the making, and the people who just think they're all dandy but are destroying their voice.

All that being said, I am in love with Susan Boyle's voice. She oddly enough reminds me of my mom.
I remember my mom singing most of the time, a sure sigh she was happy. Just random little tunes, most often with notes made up just moments before they left her voice. But they were always true to the note.
My mom can be described as eccentric. She has 19 pairs of the exact same pants just in different colors(and that's it). And there have been times when I've had to make a certain pair of Easter-grass green pants or the pepto-bismal pink jacket disappear. She even has hair that's a little frazzled at times.
So when I saw Susan Boyle walk onto stage of Britain's Got Talent, I shrugged and thought "let's see what she's got" knowing that sometimes ugly flowers smell wonderful.
What she has, is by far the best female alto voice I've heard since Ella Fitzgerald. I was captivated by the end of the first line, dumbfounded by the chorus and flabbergasted (let alone gobsmacked) by the end.
Since then I followed her through the finals. I will say only this about the results of BGT: Diversity's choreography was flashy and energetic...but it just takes coordination and teamwork. Same as a junior high marching band. A good voice is something that you're born with. And to utilize it like Susan takes tallent.
When she puts out an album...and i truely hope she does....I'll even pre order it.

A pet peeve

I took a weekend to think about this before i wrote it. I'm still pissed off. I tried to call and talk to the person involved and she knows who she is. I never got a response. Maybe she's busy, maybe she's avoiding me. I don't know which. But here's my side of the story.

Here's one thing i really hate. It's a trend. When a female friend goes to leave my life, for marriage, or to fulfill her dreams somewhere else where it's obvious it would be a long distance friendship; I suddenly turn into the bad guy. Or rather, that's how they start perceiving me.

No matter how nice i try to be, how supportive, how understanding...they suddenly start taking everything i say as snide, vindictive, rude, or intentionally mean. I can joke just like i normally would and other people who know of the situation will agree what i said wasn't that bad...but I'm suddenly the bad guy...and there seems to be nothing i can do about it. I get passive agressive, formally and publicly berated just because they have a stick shoved up their butt from stress or whatever.

You know what

I'm done. This is the second time it's happened this year. I'm tired of fighting to keep friendships.

You want out of this friendship so badly that you forget how supportive I've been, how many times I've told you "i believe you can do it", and encouraged you; Go. What i said wasn't mean. I was joking and you know it. You know it because you're probably one of the cleanest, most innocent girls i know. It's like Santa Claus wearing pink polka dots. It doesn't fit so it's funny. Others agreed. You know it cause you've known me since junior high. And if by now you can't tell when I'm joking? You're about as dense as lead.

So i hope it's just stress and other things going on and that eventually we can laugh and put this behind us. But next time you jump down my throat over something as stupid as that?! I'm gonna yank that stuck up your butt out and beat you over the head with it. Not appologize.

And if this is it? Goodbye and good luck.

My 2 cents....or 10

I'm not an opinionated person....at...all (ok, stop laughing). But I have a few things I would like to say to the world around me.

1. Rebecca!....i haven't heard from you in 2 months despite calls, texts, emails, facebook nudges, and even trying to find you on WoW. I'm getting worried! You are not allowed to go on another 7 year hiatus from my life! I'm about another week from kidnapping my cousin so i can find your house and coming over there!
2. Katherine! Get a fucking job and stop complaining that i'm holding you to the contract you signed.
3. PETA....just SHUT THE FUCK UP! Do something productive with your lives and leave the fish mongers at Pike Place alone.
4. Johnny....you are freaking me out! Stop it and start acting like my brother normally does, not all this caring niceness. It's creepy.
   
5. Housing economy in Redmond/Kirkland....you're too pricey...keep dropping! especially apartments so i can afford to live on my own without a roommate. You have 1.5 months to drop below 700. (ok, not realistic, but i can hope)
6. Chase Bank: at least WaMu was nice to their customers.
   
7. Comcast: Why one earth does it cost more to NOT have a phone than to have one?
8. Law enforcement dealing with Curtis Thompson: a single bullet between the eyes is less than a penny. Keeping that psyco alive while he serves his multiple life sentences and continues to torment and abuse the system.....a lot of money. This choice should not be hard.
9. Brittany...i love you but what you're doing is stupid. And even though i'll be behind you 100%....just know that i think this is stupid.
   
10. I wanna go ride a motorcycle. Not work. (kind of hard considering we took the bike to the shop last night. :( )
    

Preemptive

This time last year my life was in a whirlwind. I was preparing for graduation, for moving out, for a million things. I was having panic attacks and crying a lot. I was terrified of life outside of the familiar cushioned existence in my parent's house. But I knew i would have to eventually stand on my own two feet. I gave myself a year to prove that I could survive on my own. This meant no help from my parents, my sister, my friends, or any potential boyfriends (which later i decided was too much to deal with and scratched that off my list for this year). I wanted to prove to myself. Call it selfish, call it silly...but it was something i needed to do.

A year later:
I have successfully lived on my own for just short of a year now.
This includes dealing with 4 separate living crisis, even preparing to go to court and not being manipulated by a more experienced tenant.
I researched, searched, found and bought my own first car and she's a beaut
I've survived multiple layoffs by proving I'm a valuable asset to my team
I haven't needed financial support from anyone.
I even dealt with a medical emergency
And most importantly; I've made 9 personal dreams come true.

Quite a successful year in my eyes.
And i'm determined that next year is going to be even better.

I return after a brief hiatus

to remind certain people (ahem influnencebad!!!hint hint) that I am still alive.

A few quick updates because I'm feeling too lazy to write about much else.

• My sister's motorcycle is sexy and responds to the touch like an attention whore cat. The cluch is just firm enough to where you do need to squeeze it, but you're not hurting your hand in the process of squeezing it a million times. I'm already comfortable on it and pulling manuvers i wasn't able to before. If i wasn't so set on a cruiser, i might try to convince her to give it to me.
  
• Re-taking the rider's course on sunday, friday and saturday will basically be spent on the bike.
  
• More ex-roommate is still technically my roommate DRAMA. I have discovered that NO one is willing to pay 200$ more just to live with me, when it's basically the same price to live alone at the same complex. She also had the gall to state that i needed to take out a loan in order to fork up 1300$ to break the lease. I told her no. Guess what...tensions are even more strained.
• I hate drama. I loved the days when i could say my life was 100% drama free. I need to work to getting them back that way again....or i could just spend ALL of my free time riding.
• 1 week till i should receive a DVD stand. That will make my life happy again. My OCD of having movies in alphabetical order will finally be abated.
• Chelan was amazing with one minor exception: 12 people in a house...makes for frustration and tenstion. 2 things i DON'T want on my vacation.
• Chelan water needs to be warmer and not so glacial.
  
• Chelan has amazing scenery at the beaches and liquore stores, and walking around town....and the water and mountains are kinda pretty too. Good grief I don't think i've ever been hit on that much.
  
• I want to beat the crap out of my friend's little brother. No matter how sick you are, it doesn't give you the right to treat other people with that level of disrespect especially not your mother. Stay the fuck away from me brat!
• When having a bad day- daydreaming about motorcycles is proving helpful. I want to ride again.
  

That's about it. Updates later.

Update

Today is the 18th. Last Friday i foolishly assumed that i would have my endorsement today. Instead i was met with a bevvy of exercises that left me exhausted both mentally and physically.
And that was just the riding.
While i passed my written exam with 100%, I unfortunately failed the driving range by a single point.
So rather than sitting and wallowing in misery over the blow to my ego; here's the facts

• I still have 30 days to pass
• I have Mark, a riding veteran and patient instructor.
• I have use of my sister's bike and a large parking lot across the street from her apartment
• I can get the measurements off the course and re-create them with chalk Then totally p0wn them!

And most importantly. I have my determination. This is truly a part of my being. Being on the bike fits for lack of a better explanation. It's not a matter of if. It's a matter of when i get my endorsement.

Doing the weaving and throttle and clutch all came naturally. It was the tight turns that caught me.

On the plus side i guess; when i get out on the real road. I'll be a better driver thanks to extra practice.

Another once upon a time....

Once upon a time...
there was a little girl named Anne who was only about 4 years old. Her much older sister who was a senior in high school threw a party in the basement of their house. Anne being a curious and wanting to see what all the noise was about snuck downstairs against her mother's admonishments. It was there that she ran face first into the leather clad thigh of Karla. Looking up at her sister's tall, brunette friend Anne found herself in awe. Karla was tall and very beautiful, wearing a Harley leather jacket and motorcycle chaps. Everything about her seemed regal and left Anne full of awe. Karla smirked at little Anne and took her by the hand. Instead of leading her back up the stairs away from the party, she led her into the living room where there were people dancing and talking. To little Anne, it looked like a grand party with colorful baloons floating on the ceiling and bright streamers strung all around.
Curious little Anne tugged on Karla's arm and asked her why she was wearing all black to a party. Black was a sad color and she didn't look sad. Karla pulled Anne up on her lap and told Anne about her motorcycle which she rode to school every day. She wore the black leather to make sure she was protected should she get in an accident. And black wasn't a sad color, it was just another color. Anne of course, understood what she meant right away (not).
It wasn't long before Anne's mother had noticed that she was not in bed where she was supposed to be and came downstairs looking for her. Her mother found her grinning like a fool drapped in the heavy leather jacket with a group of people around her chuckling as she tried to dance without falling down.
Her mother decided that was enough and untangled her wayward daughter from the jacket handing it back to Karla. As Anne was carried out of the room, she looked back over her mom's shoulder and saw Karla wink at her. Anne decided then and there that she wanted to be just like Karla when she got older.
However fate would have other plans. When a friend with some achreage offered to let her ride on the back of his dirt bike while he drove, Anne, now a teenager, practically leapt at the opportunity. They drove round and round his property going fast and slow and going over the bumps. Anne eventually got comfortable and decided to let go and just relax on the back of the bike, resting her hands on her thighs. Little did she know her friend had braced for impact as he hit a small ditch causing the back of the bike to buck and throw Anne off. No worries...Anne landed safely in a big pile of grass clippings which cushioned her fall and left her with only a few minor scrapes.
But the flying leap left her scared of motorcycles ever since. Her idolized persona suddenly slipped away.
It wasn't until last summer when Anne rented a moped (first 2 wheeled experiance in almost a decade) and realized just how silly she had been and after a while got so comfortable on it, she was topping out the small moped motor. But 40mph still wasn't fast enough.
She talked to her friend Mark, a "greasy biker dude" who had basically been riding bikes for his entire life. He could talk for hours about his biking experiances. He later let her ride on the back of his bike on a ride to the ferries last fall. She enjoyed herself so much that she began to make plans to "get back on the horse" ....bike that is.
She signed up for a motorcycle class, paid the fee and had to wait for the class on May 14th.

To be continued when I finish the class.....if I ever bring the motorcycle back.........

When I let go of what i am, I become what I may be.

This is the mantra that's been going through my head the last few days.
My weightloss journey hit a rather nasty hickup thanks to a very busy week and a half. I basically came home and slept for what few hours I could.
Between my sister's and dad's birthday, conveniently spaced just 4 days apart, friends, and other family obligations, as well as roommate....difficulties; I lost my stride. I went from running just about every day to none. My steady workout partner also had a busy couple of weeks and was unable to meet up. Making there even less of a urgent need to go to the gym.
That coupled with excessive pressure to eat eat eat at all these gatherings, and my lack of iron will against cheese ravioli in a cream sauce and Dairy Queen blizzards....
So without feeling like there was anyone holding me accountable, all my threads of discipline which I had wound tightly around myself over the last 3 months unraveled at a pace which, looking back, is unbelievable.
It finally occurred to me, as a severe (if short) bought with depression came and went, that I can't expect other people to hold me accountable to my own goals. Yes I realize this comes rather belated, but I've made some changes to the way I'm dealing with this process now.

1. My workout partner, although wonderful and encouraging....isn't the workout police. And I can't look to her to make myself get to the gym. I have two feet which work, and it's a matter of making time for it, just like I make time to watch a favorite show.
2. To hold MYSELF accountable to MYSELF, I've posted a chart where I can record daily what the scale reads. Blue for positive downward trends, Red for negative upward trends. I'm doing this instead of logging my food, because that's an annoying pain in the ass. I know when I eat things that aren't healthy, and the scale doesn't lie like a pen can.
3. I have a minimum of days where I work out from Sunday to Saturday. I can use them to go running, do core exercises, yoga, or soon to be swimming. Or any combination.
4. This is neat. www.WeightView.com A site that digitally re-images a picture of you (for FREE) to show you what you might look like if you lost X amount of weight. It basically gives you a visual goal. I plugged in 30, since it's a reasonable and attainable goal (not to mention it's a size i haven't been since junior high...as sad as that is) and these are the "possible results" :
   

My two reactions: "DAMN, that can't be just 30 lbs" then quickly followed by "HEY! where did my boobs go!?!?"
I'll post a real picture when i reach my goal (hopefully)

The day of interesting walk by-s at my desk

Today seems to be the day where my cubical opening is the turning point for EVERYONE.
There is a 4 way intersection right outside of my cubicle. I have one of those blind spot concave mirrors next to my monitor in which I have seen:

• multiple "Stop and stare at the ceiling/floor and wait for the light bulb to turn back on" while impeding traffic
  
• 3 people seriously fast walking past my desk multiple times. I love it when they try to turn the corner and they essentially swerve into on-coming traffic.
• 2 walk up to my desk and do an all out about face right at my opening and go back the way they had come without missing a beat
• 2 indecisive where they start walking one way, then turn a different direction, take 1-2 steps and turn in a completely different direction. Lather rinse repeat.
• 1 person walk into my cubical wall because they decided to change direction as they approached but didn't turn fast enough or turned too late.
  
• 1 person running like they're tied up like a stiff backed mummy with only their legs from the knees down unbound (that was interesting)
• And a partridge in a pear tree... (ok, so not really, but the ending amuses me)

Maybe we should install traffic lights at all intersections and issue traffic tickets to stupidity offenders.

The only constant is Change

Today is April 20th. And with a shocking revelation, realize how much i have changed since moved out of my parent's place last August.

For example.
Old Anne: Too scared to even get on the back of a motorcycle
Today Anne: I'm signed up for a motorcycle course and it's 24 days away, and I'm bouncing off the walls. I wanna feel that power between my thighs (Get your mind out of the gutter Mark!)

Old Anne: "hey, come out to Chelan for my birthday!" "Sorry, i can't"(because my parent's would say no cause they never leave a 10 mile raidus so why should I)
Today Anne: "HELL YEAH! Gimme directions, what should I wear? What kind of food/alcohol should i bring? Are we going to have a bonfire?" Again, bouncing off the walls

Old Anne: It's 1 oclock in the morning, where am i? In bed asleep....every night. This was also true at 9 oclock every day.
Today Anne: Weekdays: this is probably still true given that i need to be at work at the ass-crack of dawn, but weekends: I could be anywhere...give me a call

Old Anne: Exercise? Why? That's just like torture!!!
Today Anne: Has an exercise partner, and then she goes and exercises on her own most days.

Old Anne: There are other colors besides black and bluejeans? I think not!
Today Anne: Is wearing white, turquoise. There's also pink in her wardrobe. Not to mention a dress in the making which is mostly white, with flowers, and polka-dots (not as ugly as it sounds) for me.

This is truly what i have been missing. Having a life, one that's mine, that i answer to myself for. That i can't blame my unhappiness on my parents. Which clearly is stated by my wardrobe contents...right?
This rocks.

Do you speak Fish?

My cell phone is at the bottom of the lake. This was just the top of an all out crappy day.
Between my parents "not" fighting, my backwards, backwoods cousins showing up, and working my ass off, as well as a series of non serious injuries then the boat dying...
Really, it was EXACTLY how i wanted to spend one of the first nice days of this year.... NOT!
Then to top it all off, my cell phone decides to swan dive into aproximatly 50 feet of water.
Not that i'm so worried about loosing my cell phone and being without it for a while. Who gives a hoot? I'm devestated that gone with it are contacts and pictures of people and events that can never be recovered.

Things like 3 guys singing me "You've lost that loving feeling" because they are awesome and realized I had just been burned by my ex and wanted to cheer me up. Boys, i'll never forget you.

The view from Ocean Shores last August

Girls night at Salsa Dancing

Images from the night of "I AM A NINJA!!!! NOW HELP ME DOWN"

It's the first time i've ever actually LOST my phone and haven't been able to get it back. I don't know how i'm going to get back in touch with some of the contacts i have stored in there. That's what bothers me most.

I found the conversation police at work

My best friend was laid off. I fully believe (after witnessing several confrontations, reading emails between them and listening in on phone conversations) that I know the root cause for this. I have MANY opinions about this, and 99% of my opinions tend to cause people to fluff their feathers and get uncomfortable. However, at work, you're supposed to be politically correct.

SO!!
WHEN ASKED!!! and ONLY WHEN ASKED!!!
I first give them a choice: "Do you want to politically correct version or what really happened?"
Politically correct version: [my friend] has left the company
Usually i get one of two responses: "I want to know what really happened" or "the incorrect version"

this is my starting response: "There was a personality conflict between [my friend] and his boss that escalated and in the end [my friend] was laid off."
The more questions they ask, the more detail I go into. If i make a derogatory statement towards the remaining person, I'll preface it with "I think..." or "In my opinion..." or "I believe"

This is what I have been doing since Monday. Actively making sure, I don't let an opinion slip out without one of those disclaimers mostly because i know I'm angry and somewhat prejudiced.

Now, someone whom i wasn't even talking to decided to tell me that i shouldn't be doing this. That I'm defaming the company who laid off my friend. And then THREATEN to turn me into HR...you can call it what you like but when you say "(if you don't stop) I'm gonna go to HR" that's a threat...

I hear you.
I understand that you are trying to look out for my well being and that you're not doing this just be a jerk.
I wholeheartedly disagree with your opinion.
I believe you didn't know [my friend] very well, or you didn't care for him very much.
I think your moral compass is WAY off if you believe they pay you enough here to essentially LIE for them by keeping your mouth shut.

So! Do what you need to do. That's what I'm doing.

Maybe that's why i wasn't very popular in school:
I wasn't afraid to do what was right instead of what was popular.

The Five Stages of Grief

It's probably not a good idea to be writing this now while I'm still stuck solidly in the first stage which is anger, but I need to get this out or I'll spend the rest of my day with it going through my head and overwriting any function i need for my job.

My dear friend, adopted uncle, and esteemed colleague flagged me down this morning as i drove into work. He was on the phone at the time, but I put down my window and told me four words which essentially ruined my day. "I just got fired".

A little back story: Mark Telford came into the company on a contract with our copiers. He was their employee but worked on our site every day. Mark quickly earned not only my respect as a perfectionist, but my friendship as well with his no-nonsense but fun attitude. Before him, we had another site operator who was, sorry to say, completely useless. Mark was everything we needed and more with a smile and a joke.
But as it always seems now adays, those who are good at what they do, but don't kiss ass, don't get anywhere. Mark tried for a manager position within his company, and instead they hired in someone who needed help whiping his ass.
Now before you write my opinion of this manager off as animosity that my friend didn't get the job, let me explain a few things:

• Mark had more experiance doing the job he was doing, than the years this kid had been alive.
• Mark is a Ride Captain for the Patriot Guard Riders and has proven his managing skills in that, constantly.
• The quality of Mark's work is always important to him. I've personally seen him tweak things but 1/16 of an inch to make sure it's centered and all fits where it needs to.
  

whereas on the other hand:

• Mike shows up wearing a yellow hoodie with food spills on it. When i pointed it out to him, he lifts up his hoodie to show me he had a button down shirt underneath it. Which i promtly pointed out ALSO had stains on it and wasn't ironed. Professionability out the window.
  
• I was handed back a project which needed holes drilled in it with the back sheets all torn up because he didn't use the machine properly. And i'm a firm believer of you don't hand shoddy workmanship back to a customer because it's a reflection of yourself. And when i requested it be re-done...he looked at me blankly like "what's wrong with it?" I believe that a manager should be able to do the job beneath them and do it right.
  
• Mark went into the ER one day, and the only phone calls he recieved from Mike were "When are you comming back to work?"

He's a bonified jerk. I say this after having met with him, speaking with him, dealing with him, and observing his behavior towards Mark. I have ZERO respect for him and I am OUTRAGED that he would utterly twist Marks words to turn upper management against him.

Mike i have a message for you: Stay the fuck away from me or you'll get introduced to my right hook and she's more of a bitch than I am.

Mark, we will try everything we can to get you back here and in the meantime, I'll miss you very much.