How can you be angry at me, if you won't tell me you are so that i can try to fix it
How can you expect me to fix it if you tell me in advance "there is no way for you to fix this"...why would i bother?
How can you put what i did on a par with something criminal.
How can you blame me for being dissrespectful when you show me no respect in the first place
How can you not understand that i'm different from you. I don't think, feel or react like you do
How can you say that i need professional help so i can be more like you when i'm not unhappy until i'm around you
How can you be so angry at me? Tell me it's all my fault.................
How can i walk away from them believing them when my heart tells me it's not true. That the other side of the story was over-run in the conversation under a battery of accusations that are only half accurate.
How can i just stop all of this so i can be happy again?
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Nano post #1
I joined what I've been loosely describing as a writers guild. Mostly at the recommendation of Colin whom at this point seems to have writers block and won't be joining himself unfortunately. Unless his muse gives him a good whack upside the head with an idea very soon.
National Novel Writing Month (Nanowrimo for short, or just Nano in general speak) is a site online that sets a goal for writing 50,000 words in the 30 day month of November. A challenge, a difficult yet clearly obtainable one given the have over 100,000 members and a very large chunk of them "win" each year. You track your word count and generally are in a friendly competition with several other writers.
I got my story idea about a month ago while working off of a prompt Colin sent my way to get me started. At first it seemed absurd and ridiculous but for some reason it stuck with me. I tried writing a start to another take on the same prompt but eventually got bored with it.
Then I woke up one morning, unsure if I had dreamt the entire storyline out or if a eureka moment hit me upon opening my eyes. That absurd and ridiculous idea suddenly made sense and worked so perfectly that I knew that was what i was going to attempt this challenge with.
So as to not spoil anything i will only say this about my story:
Nikel is a mafia princess forty years from now who comes up with a crazy idea that will resurrect the mafia power in a corrupt Manhattan setting but in a completely unconventional way. As she grows up from a teenager to a woman, we follow her in carrying out her plan with the help of her Uncle Marcus, her twin brother Tony, and the power carried in the prestige of their last name: Sendori.
Oh yes, and this novel was inspired by a true story told by my Uncle Nick.
National Novel Writing Month (Nanowrimo for short, or just Nano in general speak) is a site online that sets a goal for writing 50,000 words in the 30 day month of November. A challenge, a difficult yet clearly obtainable one given the have over 100,000 members and a very large chunk of them "win" each year. You track your word count and generally are in a friendly competition with several other writers.
I got my story idea about a month ago while working off of a prompt Colin sent my way to get me started. At first it seemed absurd and ridiculous but for some reason it stuck with me. I tried writing a start to another take on the same prompt but eventually got bored with it.
Then I woke up one morning, unsure if I had dreamt the entire storyline out or if a eureka moment hit me upon opening my eyes. That absurd and ridiculous idea suddenly made sense and worked so perfectly that I knew that was what i was going to attempt this challenge with.
So as to not spoil anything i will only say this about my story:
Nikel is a mafia princess forty years from now who comes up with a crazy idea that will resurrect the mafia power in a corrupt Manhattan setting but in a completely unconventional way. As she grows up from a teenager to a woman, we follow her in carrying out her plan with the help of her Uncle Marcus, her twin brother Tony, and the power carried in the prestige of their last name: Sendori.
Oh yes, and this novel was inspired by a true story told by my Uncle Nick.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
And people wonder
I had someone ask me a while back why i'm so guarded.
Meet my family i said.
They said that wasn't a reason.
I walked away after that.
I"ve told and shown the people that mattered what my family is like. They are aware.
All i can say about the most recent incident is that apparently even my father doesn't believe in family first when it comes to me. And he is unbelieveably hurtful without remorse. Even my sister spoke up and he still refused to appologize.
Most families are not like mine. Most are happier, more love is shown, there's more laughter and much less stress. I wish longingly for all these things. I wish the people i know who have them would appreciate them more. So comming from someone who leaves her lifelong home every time in tears feeling absolutly awful about herself, please remember:
If your family tells you, shows you, that they love you, despite their quirks on a frequent basis....remember to cherish them. If they give you everything you need, thank them. If they always do their best to do the right thing even if they end up making mistakes....remember they are human too.
I envy you.
Meet my family i said.
They said that wasn't a reason.
I walked away after that.
I"ve told and shown the people that mattered what my family is like. They are aware.
All i can say about the most recent incident is that apparently even my father doesn't believe in family first when it comes to me. And he is unbelieveably hurtful without remorse. Even my sister spoke up and he still refused to appologize.
Most families are not like mine. Most are happier, more love is shown, there's more laughter and much less stress. I wish longingly for all these things. I wish the people i know who have them would appreciate them more. So comming from someone who leaves her lifelong home every time in tears feeling absolutly awful about herself, please remember:
If your family tells you, shows you, that they love you, despite their quirks on a frequent basis....remember to cherish them. If they give you everything you need, thank them. If they always do their best to do the right thing even if they end up making mistakes....remember they are human too.
I envy you.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Kube 93 Haunted House
Ok, even as a kid, I've never been scared of haunted houses. My rational side always tells me that it's an organized event and that the people running it couldn't do anything that would actually harm us. So it's all a matter of makeup and loud unexpected noises.
I go them as often as i can because i completely enjoy going after a group of girls that are screaming their heads off then jumping on them from behind and roaring....just to hear them scream more.
Also i find distinct interest in seeing what actually scares people. Blood, guts, sharp raps behind walls, ghosts, ....guys in gorilla suits, and clowns (a fear I've never understood).
What's more, going with my two gay best friends Jared and Jason, while being just tipsy enough to really get into the surealness of it all. It was by far the best experience ever.
No i didn't get the sensation of fear. But it was so much more fun waiting in line for an hour and a half with them. There were very fun drunken conversations, laughter, cute pictures, smiles and hugs to keep warm.
And yes, i did jump on some girls in front of us and made them jump about 12 feet in the air. It was awesome.
I go them as often as i can because i completely enjoy going after a group of girls that are screaming their heads off then jumping on them from behind and roaring....just to hear them scream more.
Also i find distinct interest in seeing what actually scares people. Blood, guts, sharp raps behind walls, ghosts, ....guys in gorilla suits, and clowns (a fear I've never understood).
What's more, going with my two gay best friends Jared and Jason, while being just tipsy enough to really get into the surealness of it all. It was by far the best experience ever.
No i didn't get the sensation of fear. But it was so much more fun waiting in line for an hour and a half with them. There were very fun drunken conversations, laughter, cute pictures, smiles and hugs to keep warm.
And yes, i did jump on some girls in front of us and made them jump about 12 feet in the air. It was awesome.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Mein Kampf
It means My Struggle/Battle. It's also the title of a book written by Adolf Hitler. (no worries, I'm not a fan at all)
I was walking in a used bookstore the other day and for some reason thought of this book and the title's translation stuck with me.
I've been having a lifelong struggle/battle with my weight. I know this is nothing new or spectacular or even unique in any way given the population of a large chunk of the world. But for me, it's hard to be myself when I've seen myself in reflections of windows, mirrors and even in pictures. It affects my personality and my happiness.
I hear my friends tell me that their doctors recommend they loose weight (maybe 20 lbs if that) or that they're worried about how they look in their size 6 jeans. I have to look at them and shake my head and try not to let my little green monster of jealousy bite their heads off. Since several people constantly demean my frustrations with their whining....here's why i yell at thin women when they keep telling me they NEED to loose weight. It's not a matter of need, it's a matter of want. You want your favorite pair of pants to fit better, you want the attention.
My struggle is different:
Here's my struggle. This isn't vanity, or one upping. This is fact.
My weight as of Monday morning: 222.3lbs
My doctor has told me that i need to loose over 100 lbs to reach my ideal body weight of 117lbs.
I'm also at severe risk for hypertension, high blood pressure, diabetes, and complications with my lower joints (knees, hips etc) if i gain more than 10 more lbs from where i'm at now.
My collapsing has been linked to my weight as much as breathing habits.
100 lbs. A daunting task to say the least. Much easier to eat that comforting pint of chocolate ice cream in the freezer or to revel in the flavor of extra buttered popcorn.
Here's the worst part of it. When i obsess over exercise and caloric intake....i gain weight. When i don't worry about it and occasionally have that extra buttered popcorn...i maintain. Never going down by more than a few lbs.
I'm always moving especially at work where there's stairs everywhere. I lug binders around to all the different buildings, run paperwork with urgent status. At home, I've been doing yoga and palliates. Still no results.
I'm not unrealistic. I know these things take time and hard work. There is no such thing as instant results and i have a lifetime of bad habits to overcome. I know I have a stocky build regardless of my weight. I know I'll never be considered thin. And for me, that's ok.
For me, it's become a battle for healthy. A battle for being able to keep up with the kids i babysit all day long. A battle for my happiness to come back through. It's a battle, one i won't give up on.
One day at a time....I'll try to overcome mein kampf and try not to loose meine hoffnung (my hope).
I was walking in a used bookstore the other day and for some reason thought of this book and the title's translation stuck with me.
I've been having a lifelong struggle/battle with my weight. I know this is nothing new or spectacular or even unique in any way given the population of a large chunk of the world. But for me, it's hard to be myself when I've seen myself in reflections of windows, mirrors and even in pictures. It affects my personality and my happiness.
I hear my friends tell me that their doctors recommend they loose weight (maybe 20 lbs if that) or that they're worried about how they look in their size 6 jeans. I have to look at them and shake my head and try not to let my little green monster of jealousy bite their heads off. Since several people constantly demean my frustrations with their whining....here's why i yell at thin women when they keep telling me they NEED to loose weight. It's not a matter of need, it's a matter of want. You want your favorite pair of pants to fit better, you want the attention.
My struggle is different:
Here's my struggle. This isn't vanity, or one upping. This is fact.
My weight as of Monday morning: 222.3lbs
My doctor has told me that i need to loose over 100 lbs to reach my ideal body weight of 117lbs.
I'm also at severe risk for hypertension, high blood pressure, diabetes, and complications with my lower joints (knees, hips etc) if i gain more than 10 more lbs from where i'm at now.
My collapsing has been linked to my weight as much as breathing habits.
100 lbs. A daunting task to say the least. Much easier to eat that comforting pint of chocolate ice cream in the freezer or to revel in the flavor of extra buttered popcorn.
Here's the worst part of it. When i obsess over exercise and caloric intake....i gain weight. When i don't worry about it and occasionally have that extra buttered popcorn...i maintain. Never going down by more than a few lbs.
I'm always moving especially at work where there's stairs everywhere. I lug binders around to all the different buildings, run paperwork with urgent status. At home, I've been doing yoga and palliates. Still no results.
I'm not unrealistic. I know these things take time and hard work. There is no such thing as instant results and i have a lifetime of bad habits to overcome. I know I have a stocky build regardless of my weight. I know I'll never be considered thin. And for me, that's ok.
For me, it's become a battle for healthy. A battle for being able to keep up with the kids i babysit all day long. A battle for my happiness to come back through. It's a battle, one i won't give up on.
One day at a time....I'll try to overcome mein kampf and try not to loose meine hoffnung (my hope).
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Company Football
Last week I agreed to show up for the company football team. The main reason why I word it like that is because i was told they were "hard pressed" to get 6 people out on the field last time they tried.
After spending 15 minutes trying to locate the other guys i finally found them. Their directions were back asswards. left, not right.
There's five guys already out there and i'm a little uncomfortable already. A: i'm late, and B: i'm the only girl. Ok well...time to exercise.
It's pretty clear right away just how out of shape I am. After the fourth run, i'm breathing hard and i can feel the sweat running down my back. We play 3 on 3, and i avoided the quarterback position adamantly. not to sound girly or anything, but trying to throw a football if you have nails is not FUN.
fifteen minutes in...i'm doubled over inbetween plays with a nasty cramp. I'm terrified everytime I even remotly feel that wave of woozieness that i'm going to collapse on these poor guys. I'm forcing myself to be aware of taking deep slow breaths even though i can barely breathe in general.
30 minutes in....they for some reason decide they're going to hand the ball off to me. No one gave me a heads up. my brain's in kind of a fuddle so i literally just huck the ball as far as i can (thankfully managing a spiral that went in the general direction of one of my teammates)
they start talking about when to end. I'm thinking "oh thank god, we're done!!!!"........except they want to go another 15 minutes.
Ok.....how about I save everyone time and just die right here?
in the end, my team lost. I'm clearly the slow one. My breath feels like my lungs are bubbling and i'm completely red as usual. We laughed, slid around in the mud and enjoyed arguing over exactly where to start the ball from.
Not the best football game i've ever played in, but quite fun none the less. I'll probably be joining them many more times if they keep playing. Hopefully eventually i'll be able to keep up with them to some extent.
After spending 15 minutes trying to locate the other guys i finally found them. Their directions were back asswards. left, not right.
There's five guys already out there and i'm a little uncomfortable already. A: i'm late, and B: i'm the only girl. Ok well...time to exercise.
It's pretty clear right away just how out of shape I am. After the fourth run, i'm breathing hard and i can feel the sweat running down my back. We play 3 on 3, and i avoided the quarterback position adamantly. not to sound girly or anything, but trying to throw a football if you have nails is not FUN.
fifteen minutes in...i'm doubled over inbetween plays with a nasty cramp. I'm terrified everytime I even remotly feel that wave of woozieness that i'm going to collapse on these poor guys. I'm forcing myself to be aware of taking deep slow breaths even though i can barely breathe in general.
30 minutes in....they for some reason decide they're going to hand the ball off to me. No one gave me a heads up. my brain's in kind of a fuddle so i literally just huck the ball as far as i can (thankfully managing a spiral that went in the general direction of one of my teammates)
they start talking about when to end. I'm thinking "oh thank god, we're done!!!!"........except they want to go another 15 minutes.
Ok.....how about I save everyone time and just die right here?
in the end, my team lost. I'm clearly the slow one. My breath feels like my lungs are bubbling and i'm completely red as usual. We laughed, slid around in the mud and enjoyed arguing over exactly where to start the ball from.
Not the best football game i've ever played in, but quite fun none the less. I'll probably be joining them many more times if they keep playing. Hopefully eventually i'll be able to keep up with them to some extent.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Musings for today
I've spent most of today punching in numbers for an obscenly obnoxious archiving project. I did this a year and a half ago while i was a temp and when it didn't matter if i spent my entire day punching numbers because no one would ask what i was doing.
But now it's a completely different matter. I have a team that i directly support and i solve their crisis's on a hourly basis. (i really ought to start charging). What's more is that i no longer work under that department.
But when it suddenly pops up that no one's been keeping up with the archiving (the person who should have been instead is browsing ebay and chatting for about half her day. I'd know, she's on the other side of the wall from me)....guess who they call in.
Yeah that's right...i'm reduced back down to a temp level and my team is told that they basically have to do without me until i get through all 56 boxes. Why? because i get the job done efficiently and right on the first try. Me and my stupid work ethic. Yeah, i goof off, but only when my inbox is EMPTY and all of my tasks are completed. and i'm told "don't make us fire you cause you won't do archiving"
It's not a matter of not being willing to do it, it's more of what do they want more....all of the miscelanious crap tedious work in my inbox....or the archiving. I can't just fit the archiving in....or maybe i can...somewhere between my manicure and nap (as if)
CAUSE THEY AREN'T GONNA GET BOTH!!!
But now it's a completely different matter. I have a team that i directly support and i solve their crisis's on a hourly basis. (i really ought to start charging). What's more is that i no longer work under that department.
But when it suddenly pops up that no one's been keeping up with the archiving (the person who should have been instead is browsing ebay and chatting for about half her day. I'd know, she's on the other side of the wall from me)....guess who they call in.
Yeah that's right...i'm reduced back down to a temp level and my team is told that they basically have to do without me until i get through all 56 boxes. Why? because i get the job done efficiently and right on the first try. Me and my stupid work ethic. Yeah, i goof off, but only when my inbox is EMPTY and all of my tasks are completed. and i'm told "don't make us fire you cause you won't do archiving"
It's not a matter of not being willing to do it, it's more of what do they want more....all of the miscelanious crap tedious work in my inbox....or the archiving. I can't just fit the archiving in....or maybe i can...somewhere between my manicure and nap (as if)
CAUSE THEY AREN'T GONNA GET BOTH!!!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Surviving the worst week in a very long time...
Monday: car accident, getting locked out of car, standing in the rain for an hour till the locksmit arrived, co-workers stopping buy to make sure i'm ok but not a single one offering a jacket or umbrella.
Tuesday: Smashed finger in a door, let out a very loud cuss word and was reprimanded for it.
Wednesday: Color printer is still broken and i'm getting pestered by the same people multiple times in an hour if it's fixed yet. It's affecting my ability to get the rest of my work done. Needless to say, i snapped at them. And was reprimanded again.......
Thursday: Trying to deal with insurance company, and rental company hasn't called me back to confirm my reservation. Dad decides to get mad at me for no apparent reason then ignores me in favor of talking to his brother on the phone. Didn't even say goodbye to me. Go to bed at 8:30 cause i'm just that emotionally drained. At 11:30 my roommate decides it would be a good idea to FRY SOMETHING. I'm woken up with this very loud hissing noise, my heart starts pounding and i race out of my room half dressed to see what's on earth could be going on. And my roommate has this horrified look on her face and is saying "i'm sorry, i'm sorry" over and over as she tries to get the food in the fry pan to be quiet. The black cat is crouched on the white floor looking at me clearly in terror with this look on his face like "if i don't move maybe she won't see me". My heart wouldn't calm down for almost two hours so i really didn't sleep well.
Friday: no word from the rental company, and no reply to messages. Drop off my car at the shop, initial estimate is like 900$. Final estimate is 1700$. The shop had to call in the renal company who finally responded. I took out the extra insurance just in case because of my luck this week. Go home to try and talk to my dad again, he's on the phone again. Didn't say hi, nothing. I was there for over a half hour and he didn't say goodbye again when i left. I have no idea. Broke my high heeled shoe and scraped up my knee.
Saturday: just stayed home and cleaned and did my yoga. It didn't help. My appartment lost my confirmation for my renter's insurance so i had to go through that whole mess again. The cat tripped me and i have rug burn on my hand now. And my manicure didn't even last a whole day.
Sunday: Went home and delt with mom and her hovering, then went and babysat the girls while the parents went out to get errands done. Smacked my bad knee on the corner of a table and got Aleah's head smashed into my nose. Went home and locked myself in my room then went and visited with kenny after he got off work. And poor guy, i started crying and whining to him. I don't whine very often but he was very sweet and let me get it all out of my system.
At the same time, I look at all of this and go "is this as bad as it gets? this is nothing! This is all managable." Yes it's frustrating, yes it sucks, and yes it really wore at me. But in the end, i'm fine. My battle wounds from this week will heal, I've never had a reprimand before so i doubt they'll seriously affect me, my roommate has promised to never do that again, my dad can't not talk to me forever, mom's just....mom, and my car is being fixed.
This is all just part of life; the wheel goes up and the wheel goes down. I think mines just gotten a slight flat and is sluggish this last week. It will get better though.
Tuesday: Smashed finger in a door, let out a very loud cuss word and was reprimanded for it.
Wednesday: Color printer is still broken and i'm getting pestered by the same people multiple times in an hour if it's fixed yet. It's affecting my ability to get the rest of my work done. Needless to say, i snapped at them. And was reprimanded again.......
Thursday: Trying to deal with insurance company, and rental company hasn't called me back to confirm my reservation. Dad decides to get mad at me for no apparent reason then ignores me in favor of talking to his brother on the phone. Didn't even say goodbye to me. Go to bed at 8:30 cause i'm just that emotionally drained. At 11:30 my roommate decides it would be a good idea to FRY SOMETHING. I'm woken up with this very loud hissing noise, my heart starts pounding and i race out of my room half dressed to see what's on earth could be going on. And my roommate has this horrified look on her face and is saying "i'm sorry, i'm sorry" over and over as she tries to get the food in the fry pan to be quiet. The black cat is crouched on the white floor looking at me clearly in terror with this look on his face like "if i don't move maybe she won't see me". My heart wouldn't calm down for almost two hours so i really didn't sleep well.
Friday: no word from the rental company, and no reply to messages. Drop off my car at the shop, initial estimate is like 900$. Final estimate is 1700$. The shop had to call in the renal company who finally responded. I took out the extra insurance just in case because of my luck this week. Go home to try and talk to my dad again, he's on the phone again. Didn't say hi, nothing. I was there for over a half hour and he didn't say goodbye again when i left. I have no idea. Broke my high heeled shoe and scraped up my knee.
Saturday: just stayed home and cleaned and did my yoga. It didn't help. My appartment lost my confirmation for my renter's insurance so i had to go through that whole mess again. The cat tripped me and i have rug burn on my hand now. And my manicure didn't even last a whole day.
Sunday: Went home and delt with mom and her hovering, then went and babysat the girls while the parents went out to get errands done. Smacked my bad knee on the corner of a table and got Aleah's head smashed into my nose. Went home and locked myself in my room then went and visited with kenny after he got off work. And poor guy, i started crying and whining to him. I don't whine very often but he was very sweet and let me get it all out of my system.
At the same time, I look at all of this and go "is this as bad as it gets? this is nothing! This is all managable." Yes it's frustrating, yes it sucks, and yes it really wore at me. But in the end, i'm fine. My battle wounds from this week will heal, I've never had a reprimand before so i doubt they'll seriously affect me, my roommate has promised to never do that again, my dad can't not talk to me forever, mom's just....mom, and my car is being fixed.
This is all just part of life; the wheel goes up and the wheel goes down. I think mines just gotten a slight flat and is sluggish this last week. It will get better though.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Awww, thanks Becca
Becca sent me the "perfect blend of friendship" award.
.......
GAH!
and since I have no clue how to put the picture up on here, you'll have to do just knowing that she gave it to me because she is totally awsome.
And acutally, i can't pass it foward. The friends that deserve this award, either don't have a blog at all, or don't have one that they check more frequently than about once a year and it's on a different site.
Darnit...i need to meet new people!
In other news
I have started watching a tv comedy called "Big Bang Theory" It's hilarious because, i know someone that fits every single one of the caracter's personalities.
I haven't learned all of the name disticntions yet, but i'm uterly enjoying it
The accident sucks, the insurance dealings suck, the rental company hasn't even contacted me and my meeting is tomorrow so they by definition suck, and this entire week has sucked.
.......
GAH!
and since I have no clue how to put the picture up on here, you'll have to do just knowing that she gave it to me because she is totally awsome.
And acutally, i can't pass it foward. The friends that deserve this award, either don't have a blog at all, or don't have one that they check more frequently than about once a year and it's on a different site.
Darnit...i need to meet new people!
In other news
I have started watching a tv comedy called "Big Bang Theory" It's hilarious because, i know someone that fits every single one of the caracter's personalities.
I haven't learned all of the name disticntions yet, but i'm uterly enjoying it
The accident sucks, the insurance dealings suck, the rental company hasn't even contacted me and my meeting is tomorrow so they by definition suck, and this entire week has sucked.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Yeah......not a good morning
Car accidents are not a good way to start the week.
Neither is locking your keys, insurance information, phone and jacket in the car during the post accident talk with the other driver while it's raining and cold out and you're not wearing anything but a long sleeve thin shirt.
Neither is watching your mom pull an illegal U-turn in the middle of morning traffic right after you tried to assure the other driver that you will email them your insurance information once the roadside assistance gets there and unlocks your car and that you're a good responsible person and that your parents have taught you well.
Neither is slamming your finger in your boss's door when you do make it to work an hour and a half late to the point where there might be bone damage, cause there certainly is external damage and letting out a rather loud cuss word.
I swear, i'm going straight back to bed when i get home and hope this bad dream ends soon so i can have a "decent for monday" morning again.
Neither is locking your keys, insurance information, phone and jacket in the car during the post accident talk with the other driver while it's raining and cold out and you're not wearing anything but a long sleeve thin shirt.
Neither is watching your mom pull an illegal U-turn in the middle of morning traffic right after you tried to assure the other driver that you will email them your insurance information once the roadside assistance gets there and unlocks your car and that you're a good responsible person and that your parents have taught you well.
Neither is slamming your finger in your boss's door when you do make it to work an hour and a half late to the point where there might be bone damage, cause there certainly is external damage and letting out a rather loud cuss word.
I swear, i'm going straight back to bed when i get home and hope this bad dream ends soon so i can have a "decent for monday" morning again.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
appartment
I felt like chocolate chip pancakes today. They were really good.
I have found that as much as I like my roommate, her being gone for this whole weekend...is AWSOME!
Things are getting done. Usually she's just fine with helping me keep up with cleaning. But she's been sick for about the last month with two separate sets of ear infections. And due to that, she's been a lump on the couch hogging the tv. Only the dishes really have been getting done.
Within an hour of her leaving, I changed the couch slipcover, swept off the deck from all the birdseed and leaves, and vacuumed.
It felt good to get things done. I'm a do-er, not a talker.
I've also decided, i want to get rid of the third chair we have here and replace it with a chair that takes up less room (and isn't so unbelievably ugly) Besides, if she leaves and i decide to stay at the end of the lease or even sooner (hope not) i really should have some of my own furniture.
So i'm attacking craigslist.
That's about it for an update.
I have found that as much as I like my roommate, her being gone for this whole weekend...is AWSOME!
Things are getting done. Usually she's just fine with helping me keep up with cleaning. But she's been sick for about the last month with two separate sets of ear infections. And due to that, she's been a lump on the couch hogging the tv. Only the dishes really have been getting done.
Within an hour of her leaving, I changed the couch slipcover, swept off the deck from all the birdseed and leaves, and vacuumed.
It felt good to get things done. I'm a do-er, not a talker.
I've also decided, i want to get rid of the third chair we have here and replace it with a chair that takes up less room (and isn't so unbelievably ugly) Besides, if she leaves and i decide to stay at the end of the lease or even sooner (hope not) i really should have some of my own furniture.
So i'm attacking craigslist.
That's about it for an update.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Took a day off from work
I just finally couldn't deal with this week anymore. On Wednesday, i went to my boss and said, is there anything that could prevent me from taking friday off?
His response: nope, more notice would have been nice, but have a good day off.
I love my boss. He is awsome and very good at what he does.
I got up to let my roommate's mom in, and find out that the roommate will be out of town at her aunts until sunday night. Oh thank god! Now some stuff will get done. I adore my roommate, but she's been sick and basically a lump on the couch, hogging the living room tv with home design shows. Almost as soon as she left, i had dyed my hair, showered, dressed, ate, and was ready to attack the living room.
Wonderful thing about Ikea furniture, it has interchangable slip covers. So we can go from blue and white stripes to red corderoy! Only problem is that red corderoy tends to attract massive amounts of fuzz. 22 sheets from one of those roller sticky fuzz collectors and the couch looks great.
Then i went to go get the vacuum and clonked my head on the bird feeder then on the wind chimes and i come to realize, I hate going out on the deck because of those two items. They're right at eye level and constantly in the way.
They have been moved and they're going to stay moved. I live here and I pay rent, not the birds.
The deck got swept clear of all the built up birdseed and leaves. And all of that was just to get the vacuum out of the deck storage. Once i could do that, I vacuumed and tidyed.
I feel so much better now.
His response: nope, more notice would have been nice, but have a good day off.
I love my boss. He is awsome and very good at what he does.
I got up to let my roommate's mom in, and find out that the roommate will be out of town at her aunts until sunday night. Oh thank god! Now some stuff will get done. I adore my roommate, but she's been sick and basically a lump on the couch, hogging the living room tv with home design shows. Almost as soon as she left, i had dyed my hair, showered, dressed, ate, and was ready to attack the living room.
Wonderful thing about Ikea furniture, it has interchangable slip covers. So we can go from blue and white stripes to red corderoy! Only problem is that red corderoy tends to attract massive amounts of fuzz. 22 sheets from one of those roller sticky fuzz collectors and the couch looks great.
Then i went to go get the vacuum and clonked my head on the bird feeder then on the wind chimes and i come to realize, I hate going out on the deck because of those two items. They're right at eye level and constantly in the way.
They have been moved and they're going to stay moved. I live here and I pay rent, not the birds.
The deck got swept clear of all the built up birdseed and leaves. And all of that was just to get the vacuum out of the deck storage. Once i could do that, I vacuumed and tidyed.
I feel so much better now.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
I know, i know...I don't like gossip either. Consider it a vent.
When I opened this screen at 7:22 this morning (note, i get into work at 7:00am), i really had intended to write something with a clearly defined opinion in regards to something someone wouldn't care about.
However, disaster struck at 7:24. I was sitting in my cubicle, minding my own business when suddenly every gosiperista in my building, not just my floor mind you, decided to descend on me in quick succession of each other.
This person is doing this, and that person is doing that....the usual gossip from those that don't take even the direct hints that you're busy and don't have time to chit chat, but rather follow you around as you run copies and file paperwork and build binders still jabbering at you.
Then i heard one bit of gossip that was more of a vent that actually made me stop.
We have a certain upper manager whom has rubbed SEVERAL people the wrong way, myself included. I've never been quite certain what i did that deserved a perpetual sneer in my driection every time i pass her in the halls, but i get the sneer, attitude,unreasonable demands, and a distinct lack of please and thank you from her. This has led me to be less than cordial with her. With her being upper managment, i don't want to directly piss her off. But never fear, have ways to get even and then some without ever getting myself into trouble what-so-ever.
But if there's one thing in working life i've learned, it's this:
There are three types of people that you never want a hostile working relationship with
1) Custodians: How bad does your three days worth of garbage smell on the fifth day?
2) The IT department: ....office life revolves around computers and technology...enough said.
3) Admins: you want how many copies of a very critical presentation that, woops, a few crutial pages can go missing from? You wantted catering for this all day meeting...sorry, you didn't give me authorization. You need this by when? yeah, i'll fit that in somewhere between my nap and manicure.
And speaking for several co-workers: this woman is so full of herself, we're not sure how she gets her big head through her office door.
Some highlights of her first year here at my work:
*a SCREAMING hissy fit in the front parking lot because the closest parking spots to the door aren't reserved for upper management
*demanding to have entirely new furniture in her office instead of the perfectly good desk and bookshelves in there
*telling an employee to take his work home with him when he was already meeting deadlines.
*telling said employee who was offered a better job at another company, that he was stupid and not worth the money they were offering him for the position.
And now the icing on the cake? (and almost as disgusting as birthday cake at a 5 year old party with a bunch of snot nosed kids)
I find out today, that rather than doing like management even higher than her, and refilling the coffee urns when they run out, just how far she will go to show her dissrespect for her lower co-workers.
Our coffee urs are stainless steel and work on syphon power. When they run out of liquid they make this very noticable noise like trying to get the last dregs out of a cup full of ice, via a straw.
Twice in a row (two days) she has found the urns to be empty after trying them....flipped open the lid and poured the coffee she just got back into the urn and leaves.
Not a big deal IF she ever washed that cup. Which most of us have yet to see.
I'm sorry, but that is disgusting. And i'm mad now. Other people drink from that, myself included on occasion. And who the hell is she to have coffee making beneath her as she clearly demonstrates. If her manager can do it, she can. If I EVER catch her doing that she's going to have and imovable wall blocking her way out of the breakroom and a tounge lashing like she's never had before. HR has been notified now of her attitude noted by myself and others, this situation of pouring the coffee back in has been documented, and i am so angry that i'm sorely tempted to basically camp out at the breakroom tomorrow morning with empty urns and watch and see what happens.
However, disaster struck at 7:24. I was sitting in my cubicle, minding my own business when suddenly every gosiperista in my building, not just my floor mind you, decided to descend on me in quick succession of each other.
This person is doing this, and that person is doing that....the usual gossip from those that don't take even the direct hints that you're busy and don't have time to chit chat, but rather follow you around as you run copies and file paperwork and build binders still jabbering at you.
Then i heard one bit of gossip that was more of a vent that actually made me stop.
We have a certain upper manager whom has rubbed SEVERAL people the wrong way, myself included. I've never been quite certain what i did that deserved a perpetual sneer in my driection every time i pass her in the halls, but i get the sneer, attitude,unreasonable demands, and a distinct lack of please and thank you from her. This has led me to be less than cordial with her. With her being upper managment, i don't want to directly piss her off. But never fear, have ways to get even and then some without ever getting myself into trouble what-so-ever.
But if there's one thing in working life i've learned, it's this:
There are three types of people that you never want a hostile working relationship with
1) Custodians: How bad does your three days worth of garbage smell on the fifth day?
2) The IT department: ....office life revolves around computers and technology...enough said.
3) Admins: you want how many copies of a very critical presentation that, woops, a few crutial pages can go missing from? You wantted catering for this all day meeting...sorry, you didn't give me authorization. You need this by when? yeah, i'll fit that in somewhere between my nap and manicure.
And speaking for several co-workers: this woman is so full of herself, we're not sure how she gets her big head through her office door.
Some highlights of her first year here at my work:
*a SCREAMING hissy fit in the front parking lot because the closest parking spots to the door aren't reserved for upper management
*demanding to have entirely new furniture in her office instead of the perfectly good desk and bookshelves in there
*telling an employee to take his work home with him when he was already meeting deadlines.
*telling said employee who was offered a better job at another company, that he was stupid and not worth the money they were offering him for the position.
And now the icing on the cake? (and almost as disgusting as birthday cake at a 5 year old party with a bunch of snot nosed kids)
I find out today, that rather than doing like management even higher than her, and refilling the coffee urns when they run out, just how far she will go to show her dissrespect for her lower co-workers.
Our coffee urs are stainless steel and work on syphon power. When they run out of liquid they make this very noticable noise like trying to get the last dregs out of a cup full of ice, via a straw.
Twice in a row (two days) she has found the urns to be empty after trying them....flipped open the lid and poured the coffee she just got back into the urn and leaves.
Not a big deal IF she ever washed that cup. Which most of us have yet to see.
I'm sorry, but that is disgusting. And i'm mad now. Other people drink from that, myself included on occasion. And who the hell is she to have coffee making beneath her as she clearly demonstrates. If her manager can do it, she can. If I EVER catch her doing that she's going to have and imovable wall blocking her way out of the breakroom and a tounge lashing like she's never had before. HR has been notified now of her attitude noted by myself and others, this situation of pouring the coffee back in has been documented, and i am so angry that i'm sorely tempted to basically camp out at the breakroom tomorrow morning with empty urns and watch and see what happens.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Taking the Plunge
In an earlier clip, I talked about NaNoWriMo. Nation Novel Writing Month A site where you join and try to write 50k words in just 30 days. The 30 days "has November".
It's not as easy as it sounds. Pleanty of people do achieve this goal, but many more do not.
But...
I like a challenge.
So I joined. Come November 1st, I will drop off the face of the earth in favor of my future novel. Aside from work, and i might be purswaded to attend things like, oh hey, thanksgiving, i'll probably be incommuicado.
It's not as easy as it sounds. Pleanty of people do achieve this goal, but many more do not.
But...
I like a challenge.
So I joined. Come November 1st, I will drop off the face of the earth in favor of my future novel. Aside from work, and i might be purswaded to attend things like, oh hey, thanksgiving, i'll probably be incommuicado.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Reality TV Shows
I wouldn't say I'm a junkie by any means, but there are two reality shows that i enjoy watching. Survivor and the Amazing Race.
I watch these shows and think to myself...that looks like fun! Being honest with my skills, i think i could excel were i to be cast in either of these shows. Not necessarily win, but definitely cope better than these barbies in tube tops who start complaining at a single bug bite and these big strong men who can't abide eating things that didn't come from mama's home kitchen.
My roommate and I were talking about what our strengths and weaknesses would if, for some reason, we were cast.
Survivor:
Katherine would be the one who would want to make everyone happy and do anything to help. She's not the kind that would sit around and sleep all day long. She'd probably earn brownie points easily because she's always willing to get up and go take care of stuff. She's also very aware of what's going on around her and understands people very well.
Her weakness would probably be the physical challenges, naturally.
Me on the other hand, I'm competitive to a fault. I play people off of each other. And I don't quit. I've lived outdoors, I've gone a week without a shower, i can sleep on the ground. I'm a hard worker and i can't stand slacking off. My weaknesses, I'm not as good of a people person and i know my mouth would get me into trouble but just maybe i could be the quiet one. Also, the physical challenges, like running would kill me.
I think it would be great to see if i find it actually as hard as they say it is. Don't think they'd cast me though...i don't look that good in a bikini and no one really wants to see my pasty white ass running around the jungle.
The Amazing Race
Katherine said she might get distracted with all the cool countries she would be visiting. All the sights, people, cultures....it would be a great experience.
Me, I'd be Rob from a previous season: "you speak English??!! you're coming with us!" I would definitely be the competitive one and would need someone with me that could keep up, do the physical challenges, and has the ability to not yell at me. That excludes every single one of my family members. But when i get down, i get irritable. They would have to be able to weather that storm.
Just some odd thoughts. Some "What If"s.
I watch these shows and think to myself...that looks like fun! Being honest with my skills, i think i could excel were i to be cast in either of these shows. Not necessarily win, but definitely cope better than these barbies in tube tops who start complaining at a single bug bite and these big strong men who can't abide eating things that didn't come from mama's home kitchen.
My roommate and I were talking about what our strengths and weaknesses would if, for some reason, we were cast.
Survivor:
Katherine would be the one who would want to make everyone happy and do anything to help. She's not the kind that would sit around and sleep all day long. She'd probably earn brownie points easily because she's always willing to get up and go take care of stuff. She's also very aware of what's going on around her and understands people very well.
Her weakness would probably be the physical challenges, naturally.
Me on the other hand, I'm competitive to a fault. I play people off of each other. And I don't quit. I've lived outdoors, I've gone a week without a shower, i can sleep on the ground. I'm a hard worker and i can't stand slacking off. My weaknesses, I'm not as good of a people person and i know my mouth would get me into trouble but just maybe i could be the quiet one. Also, the physical challenges, like running would kill me.
I think it would be great to see if i find it actually as hard as they say it is. Don't think they'd cast me though...i don't look that good in a bikini and no one really wants to see my pasty white ass running around the jungle.
The Amazing Race
Katherine said she might get distracted with all the cool countries she would be visiting. All the sights, people, cultures....it would be a great experience.
Me, I'd be Rob from a previous season: "you speak English??!! you're coming with us!" I would definitely be the competitive one and would need someone with me that could keep up, do the physical challenges, and has the ability to not yell at me. That excludes every single one of my family members. But when i get down, i get irritable. They would have to be able to weather that storm.
Just some odd thoughts. Some "What If"s.
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