Lapping everyone on the couch

My last post, i talked about all the changes that made the second half of my 2013 year SUCK. Needless to say, i wasn't focusing on ME at any point. I knew i was getting heavier and stress eating. So I avoided the scale and stairs like the plague.

About a week after Jon proposed, (so we're still back in November) we were scheduled to participate in a "get your numbers" health promotion which i was not looking forward to one bit. You go in, get poked and prodded and they give you your health numbers. Weight, BP, cholesterol, etc. Then counsel you on how to be healthy. Yeah, sounds like super duper fun, right?

But Jon wanted to do it especially with his workload he hadn't been taking care of himself either, and we both knew we needed and wanted to get our eating habits back in control. This would be a perfect opportunity to find our starting point. I put on a brave face, knowing my blood pressure numbers would make the nurse look at me in horrified shock. And indeed, he looked me square in the eye and said something cautionary about the variety of ways it could kill me too young.

But it wasn't until I got a reassuring look from Jon from across the room, that something clicked in my mind.

I'm getting married to this amazing man, and we only get the rest of our lives to be together. Do I want to cut that short?

Here was this future, that I had never considered the correlation with my health, staring me in the face. It wasn't all about getting thin for a wedding dress, though even I'll admit it's spurring some early extra effort. But my main reasons now are to live and spend as much time as possible with Jon. To be healthy enough to have children. Being healthy enough to help them grow and learn to be healthy as well.

I don't know why it took getting engaged for me to reach this realization. But, i hit my crossroads and turned to the harder path of weight-loss.

That week (still in November), i finally went to my doctor and to a local gym. In the past, I had dangerous collapsing issues. Aside from blood pressure, doctors couldn't figure out why it was happening. I tried to get my blood pressure under control, but i wasn't rich enough to handle the cost of multiple visits to the doctor. So i just tried to ignore it til it went away. Doctor Shiva-the-destroyer (she's scary when she's mad) seemed dubious that this time my resolve was real, but she started the process to control my blood pressure and approved me to start a workout regimen under a trainer's supervision.

The gym was all too happy to sign me up early before adding me to Jon's insurance. They assigned me a trainer named Ally, who was a former nurse, for a trial personal trainer session. She was one of those ladies that clearly has never been overweight and is determined to be your own personal cheerleader for the smallest things. I found her extremely annoying. Those "i know you can do it"s were just frustrating. My experience told me that just when i thought i was doing it, i would collapse, stop breathing, and probably konk my head on the way down.

She had me do a maneuver i had told her had caused tunnel vision in the past (my warning signal), so clearly something i already didn't want to do. And sure enough, i was breathing hard and very nervous when she got down on her knees in front of me and said "I'm right here, i'm not going to let anything happen."

I believed her. Really, truly, fundamentally BELIEVED her. For the first time, i felt i could trust a stranger to see just how much this scared me. I couldn't help myself, i started tearing up. We talked past our allotted time and she kept saying: "The hardest thing you have to do, is come back the next few times. Despite the soreness, despite the worry, despite the scheduling. Make it happen the next few times and it will start getting easier."

By that point i was so emotionally raw, that i was almost ready to believe her if she said the moon was made of cheese. Almost :). But it made sense, so i bit the bullet and committed to SIX MONTHS of the 1/2 hour trainer sessions 2x a week. I had gotten a promotion and a raise which certainly helped a LOT with the budgeting, but i knew i had to make it work. Plus the six months was now paid for so my frugal side was now determined to get my money's worth.

I wasn't sore after the first workout, but the second, third, fifth, tenth....oh yeah! I could barely move for the first month after every session and i was convinced my workouts were negated by the couch potato i was becoming because i was too sore to move. I complained incessantly to Jon about how i hated being sore every minute of every day in every place imaginable.

And it was HARD. Hard going in and watching fit women strut around in their workout bras and short shorts (Strange that even my perception of fit women has changed, I used to call them "twigs", so rude of me). Hard trying to find workout clothes in my size (come on, if we're supposed to get down to those sizes, give us cute clothes to start with!). Hard changing your eating habits from chocolate to dried fruit. Hard going into a yoga studio with 15 other thin people who don't know what it's like to have your boobs try to smother you in bridges or twist yourself into a pretzel with fat thighs getting in the way!

I don't know who you are, but you rock lady!

But with Ally's reminders at the end of every session "just come back", and the money already spent...i kept going in and teasing her about what new torture she had in store for me today. The first month, i thought i saw or felt a few changes, but it was nothing i could point at and say "it's gone!". The second month, i noticed that certain spots were less squishy, and i had bulges from muscles that were not there before. And then i realized recently, that i wanted more; I wasn't even tired after the 30 minute sessions. So i asked Ally for more butt-kicking.

It's been 3 months with Ally's ministrations and keeping my blood pressure in check.

• I'm just a few pounds shy of my first 20lbs
• I can do a full set of 10 pushups
• I can do almost 45 seconds of planks
• I'm not gasping for breath at the top of the stairs of our 3rd floor apartment
• I'm doing yoga weekly, increasing my flexibility and endurance
• I've only had 2 dizzy spells but no collapses. 
• My energy level has skyrocketed
• I can take my jeans off without unbuttoning
• Subsequently, I now require a belt
• Both Jon and I are eating healthier
• Co-workers have started commenting that i look like i've lost weight. 

In the scope of my goals, this is only the beginning. There's a long way to go and i'm thankful every day for Ally being my personal trainer and cheerleader. I'm thankful Jon is so supportive: Jon even signed up for his own trainer and regimen citing me as inspiration. "If you can do what you're doing with all the extra health crap on top...i have no excuse."

Don't think i've ever been someone's health inspiration before. It's still so tempting to eat a pint of ice cream, or an entire bucket of extra butter popcorn. It would be SO easy to just go back to ignoring it.
I don't think i'll ever WANT to workout over a netflix marathon. Or consider half a sandwich a meal. But it's becoming easier to make the choice for the healthier options.

For now, i know that i'm re-upping on the personal trainer sessions when the six months expires. I'm not confident enough to workout alone with the risk of collapsing still there. I'm thrilled to be seeing some tangible results, but I'm not satisfied yet. I never expect to be super thin or on the cover of a fitness magazine. Heck if i manage to make it to size 10, i'll be thinner than i've been since i hit puberty. Even if i'm never running around in a pushup bra and short shorts, just getting my body healthy will be enough for me. I just want to be healthy enough to live out my life.

Oh, and do the splits again. Yeah, that would be awesome at any weight.

NaNo 2011 - Day 6

Whoops. Usually i'm a bit better about keeping up with my thoughts and feelings over the course of a November. The truth is, this year, i'm (was) neck and neck with one of my friends so just about ever spare second was spent writing on my story.

Today being the sixth, i should be at about 10,000 words. Due to the fact that the friend I've been neck and neck with is going for one hundred thousand words as opposed the regular fifty thousand, she's helped push me to push out over 16 thousand words.

The official count right now is 16,425 while i take a break and get some work done in completing the company calendar.

14k of that was completed by Friday. After that, a small conversation with Boyfriend Jon led me to question my entire timeline of my story. Turns out, not paying attention in pretty much any of my history classes was a problem after all. My memory of events and corresponding years was faulty and caused an enormous hole in my story that could not logically be breached in any way that still made sense.

It had a huge effect on me. I was instantly frustrated and i frantically searched about online for some other way of fixing this huge hole. I snapped at poor Boyfriend Jon, and a headache took a strong hold at the base of my neck. There was no logical way i could get two young men into Europe, but not to join the war, without completely deviating from history. Finally I got an idea.

I have an Uncle, who is renowned in our family for talking about WW2 at great length and even occasionally exhaustion. Now normally, when he goes off on his rants, i leave the room or stare at him until i start to nod off. WW2 history doesn't interest me in the least. The only reason i'm writing about it is to give the story an urgency and an easy bad guy. Not to mention Indiana Jones is one of the inspiration and who is Indiana Jones always's fighting? oh yeah. The Nazis.

But now, at day 6 i was being forced to consider the possibility that i would need to completely alter the timeline, perhaps even choosing a completely different era. That might have been less daunting at day 6 if i was actually following the 1667 words a day. But 14,000 words is a LOT to have to compeltely re-write.

So, back to my Uncle. When i called he wasn't home so i enlisted my cousin to do what the women in our family refer to as the sweet insistence. Which in this case involved her standing over him with the phone in her hand telling him how much his niece (me) needed his help and without him my entire project might fail. Of which i said no such thing, but i got a phone call back from him in a surprisingly short amount of time.

As i laid out my problem for him, he kept interrupting me telling me about where else in Europe the Germans were fighting during 1939. Border disputes with the French were the least of the battles as the Germans moved over eastern europe. Czechoslovakia, Poland, and Russia taking advantage to try and get their share of the land. May i just say...power hungry idiots!?

But when i explained the path that i needed my characters to follow, he gave me two lumps of SOLID GOLD. One being that i could land my characters in Spain which was a neutral port. Neutral port to neutral port meant that they were less likely ("accidents" happened all the time) to be sunk by U-boats.

And if i made my characters arrive in France before June 3rd and if they left to go into Italy before June 10th (when Italy declared war on France), they would be able to go straight through  without too much of a problem. It would be even better if i gave them some way of diplomatic immunity.

So there you go. You've now been caught up with my frenzied recalculation that has taken up most of my weekend. As a matter of fact, i don't think I've written 2 thousand words all weekend. I just was so not feeling it. Which is why i said that i WAS neck and neck with my friend. I think the last i hear she was coming up on 22k. Which i'm so excited for her but my competitive nature is like OMFG! STOP TYPING SO I CAN CATCH UP.

Boyfriend Jon is also eliciting a similar response as he's approaching 20k right now, or so he tells me.

Relationship Achievement Awards

It's hard to find a guy who won't sulk when you beat him at Halo (considering it happens to rarely that i'm still dancing about it after i've lost the NEXT match). Who brags to his friends that you play video games WITH him. Who doesn't get mad when you throw a plasma grenade at the guy he's fighting which subsequently blows both him and the adversary up. And is very supportive of all the silly things you come up with.

We are a bit geeky. And i love being with a guy compliments my geekey-ness.

I found some custom xbox 360 achievements over at Assassionista's blog and couldn't resist. I yoinked the idea and sent these and some others to Boyfriend Jon:

I hope you enjoy reading them as much as i enjoyed coming up with them. There's a story behind all of these but that would make this a much too long post.

The mountain of clothes

Somehow, i forgot that i absolutely HATE folding clothes. In my haste to get my apartment looking awesome again, i decided that the shelves in my closet needed to be cleared out and everything re-done. I just happened to forget that this meant a lot of folding.

Now there is a HUGE pile of clean clothes strewn over about 1/4 of my living room. I can feel it watching me when i call friends after work to see if they want to hang out. Its "eyes" bore into my back when i decide to eat out instead of in. It calls to me as i put my hand on the doorknob to flee. "Annnneee...you forgot something..."

And i'm even dreaming about LAUNDRY. Nay, having nightmares about it.

Maybe i shouldn't play anymore and do battle with the PILE!

ON GUARD!

The Project List keeps growing

Yesterday was very productive. Right after work, headed straight for Bed Bath and Beyond to get a mattress pad and a set of sheets that will fit my new mattress. When i got there, i started looking through the mattress pads, and just getting confused. Suddenly i hear this overly happy car salesman like voice behind me. I turned around the the regional manager was standing there offering to help me find what i was looking for.

"Well hi there miss! Can i help you find anything in particular?" he said with a politicians smile.
"Um sure. I need a mattress pad that's waterproof but doesn't crinkle or make noise when i move around on it." i said
"oh well those cheap ones won't do what you're looking for. You're going to want one of these 80 dollar pads!" he said directing me to a different section.My heart sank as he said this cause i was looking for the cheapest option that would do the job and i was already agonizing over the 50$ one i had been looking at. Then i noticed the yellow tag above the display: 50% off! I pointed it out and his politicians smile faltered for a second and then he recovered by saying "See, it was meant to be". He offered to get me a cart and then stayed by my elbow  asking if there was anything else i needed today.

I made the mistake of mentioning that i was going to color match my comforter and he wanted to come along and show me where i could find the sheets...as if the section was invisible or guarded by an ogre or something. Now, I am not a passive person by nature, but before i had a chance to tell him i would be fine, he thrust a display pillow case into my hands and started telling me about what thread count really meant. The sheets were wonderful and i could feel the high quality smoothness of the fabric. I asked him how much, and he looked at the price tag. "59.99!" he said. Elation washed over me before the skeptic in me became curious. That's when i noticed that the package said Fitted Sheet. Next to it was the Flat Sheet package, and i quickly realized that it was 59.99 EACH.
I told the manager that it was way out of my price range as far as a set was concerned, and told him, that would be a reasonable price if it was a set already. He then scratched his head and looked around dubiously. So i walked away down the isle, looking at the options myself. Eventually I found a pale blueish green sheet set that worked with my comforter and was the same price. But my luck was running as high as could be. It was 20 % off already and i had an two additional 20% off coupons.

When i left the store, I had a total of 62$ in savings. I made out like a bandit.

Last night i finally put the first coat of varnish on my end tables and coffee table. It took me 3 hours. I went into my obsessive mode where i didn't even notice that i hadn't eaten yet, or that it was getting dark out. I just kept working, plugging away, making sure i did a good job for the first coat. Thankfully this will be the only coat for the interior where it only matters that it gets sealed, not necessarily looks pretty and shiny. Putting on the remaining coats for the outside will take a lot less time.

But i apparently haven't kicked my building bug. Cause as soon as i'm done with this, i have the bed frame to alter and refinish...and then i have another plan brewing in my head. Given that my bedroom is the only place i haven't built custom furniture and i'm still using bleh...particle board dresser....the carpentry wheels in my head are turning again.

The Mario Box

I'm definitely a crafty person. By that i mean i like working with my hands..in case you couldn't already tell that from the carpentry I've been posting lately.When i'm feeling stressed out and need to collect myself, I do origami. I've done sketches for tattoos for friends and co-workers. But pretty much anything crafty...i'm a useful person to know.

This is probably why my friend Kenny came to me with a project. He does some minor cosplay and wanted to go as Mario this year. He got the costume together and looked like a great ...blonde... Mario. But he wanted a Mario brick to go with his costume. "Easy" I told him....and began making plans. I'm not sure who came up with the idea, but eventually it got revised into a portable carry-all for the cons. It even got touched by FELICIA DAY and AMY OKUDA of The Guild!

Awesome except for the glare from the flash. This picture makes me SO HAPPY!

I recycled the interior of old broken binders for their cardboard, and made a cube. I then attached hinges so that the top would open and close. Then i made it so the lid was magnetized closed. With some free foam on the inside, the cube took life. Three sides became Question Mark sides, complete with gold glitter borders, and three sides got Brick. The effect was that when taken with a picture...you wouldn't be able to see the other sides. But the best part, according to Mario/Kenny is that he can stash his camera, glasses and any other loot from the con...inside and walk around with just the box.

He says the box gets a lot of attention at Cons. He has been pulled out of hallways to go participate in photo shoots, and many many people want pictures with the box. It is a One of a kind for sure. No other Mario's have ever been seen with a box like mine. :D

Never mind the scantily clad Yoshi...look at the pretty box! (that's Mario/Kenny btw)

Anyway, the year of Con's is over for Mario/Kenny, and he brought me the Mario Box in need of some minor repair. We started discussing some of the differences he would rather have, and features that would be really cool if we could pull off.

Next thing i know..i'm designing a new pair of boxes. One to fit inside of the other. The outer box will be the Question Box. It will feature fishing lines that are able to be pulled out to suspend the box. Stored in the bottom of this box will be tent poles that unfold and form a rod which the box can be suspended from for photos. The other box will be a duplicate of the original box (in the pictures above) but covered only in brick. Or if i can talk him into it, the rainbow colored question mark from Mario Kart. This will also have a lid, and foam padding for storage of Con Loot.

It's another of the projects to add to my ever growing and rarely shrinking list.

Warm season hair removal - Preview

Here's another once upon a time story. But it's not for the faint of heart. 

Once upon a time, when i was somewhere near sixteen years old, i got the idea in my head to try waxing my legs.

Most likely this idea came from some of the more girly-girls in my choir class claiming it didn't really hurt. I figured that i had a pretty high pain threshold and could tolerate it. I was totally taken in by the fact that it lasted for at least a month since i was shaving my legs twice a week. It seemed like a perfect solution to me.

I knew my dad would be very unsympathetic to my desire to show my legs off, since he was completely entrenched in the "lock her in a tower and cut off her hair" stage of fatherhood. So, i went to my mother and begged her to let me try it. I detailed out how some of the girls i knew said it didn't really hurt and they'd been doing it for years! When she stopped laughing and realized i was completely serious she said "Ok, i'll do it with you, I've never tried it before."

So for a while, we didn't shave our legs to get the hairs long enough. We then purchased an at home hair removal kit and went downstairs into the big guest bathroom. Bravely, I opted to go first and my mother carefully smeared on the green wax. She firmly pressed the sheet on and then looked me square in the eye. "Are you ready?" she asked.

"Yup." I replied nonchalantly.

I was utterly unprepared for the searing pain that shot through my leg, up my hip, through my stomach, and straight to my head. I'm still surprised that i didn't pass out, but i did fall off the counter and proceeded to dance around the bathroom going "OH MY GOD, WHAT THE HELL, OW OW OW, HOLLY COW, WHO THE HELL THOUGHT THIS UP, THEY NEED TO DIE!"

I wouldn't look at my leg, convinced that i would see muscle and blood, not skin when i looked down. This went on for a few minutes while my mother was caught halfway between laughing hysterically and reprimanding me for cussing.

Finally, my brain decided blocking the pain would be a good solution and was able to check the results. About 90% of the hairs were indeed gone and several of the hair folicles were bleeding mildly. I'm not sure exactly what prompted me to do this, but i allowed my mother to do another strip. Perhaps for some bizarre reason, i thought the first one would be the worst. And as she ripped the sheet off on 2 instead of on 3, i began to dance and jump around again.

After that, i was D.O.N.E. My mother laughed at me and then told me something to the effect of:  "I gave birth to four babies. This can't be that bad. I'll do it!" I knew before this that everyone in my family was a little bit crazy, but this solidified my mother at the top. So i returned the favor.

She didn't cuss nearly as much, but she did do the dancing "Owwowowowow!" routine. And she lasted through about four strips before she said "You were right, the person who invented this is nuts. I'm done."

That was the end of the attempts to find a better solution to shaving our legs for spring and summer.

UNTIL NOW!

Perhaps i didn't fully learn my lesson, or i'm just a sucker for punishment, or perhaps like millions of other women, i absolutely HATE shaving my legs. Whatever the reason, i'm going to try something new. This one at least, i have very little to loose.

In the process of planning a trip with Lindsey, somehow we got on the topic of spas. This led to the conversation about bikini waxes and the "I'll do it if you do it" routine. Somewhere in my research, i came across another form of hair removal called "Body Sugaring".

Here's the schpeel: It's an 'ancient' form of hair removal originating in Egypt. It's made from plain sugar, lemon juice, and water boiled down into a thick taffy like substance. It's then smeared on and jerked off your skin to remove hair.

Pros:

• More like ripping off a bandage than a chunk of your skin
• Can be made at home for pennies
• hypoallergenic because it's all natural ingredients
• it also is edible and reusable for multiple areas 
• lasts as long as a wax job - 4-6 weeks
• I have a couple testimonials from REAL people that i know saying that it's wonderful. 

Cons:

• it still hurts
• i question it's effectiveness at removing all the hair
• can be a difficult technique to master
• sticky residue

So today after work, this will be my project. I will blog as to it's effectiveness soon.

Meeting the Cake Boss

Today is the day in which all prior buffer is lost due to the fact that I GOT TO MEET THE CAKE BOSS!!! Somehow I'm totally not sad about losing my lead.

Yup, met Buddy Valastro boss of TLC's Cake Boss series as a relatively recent fan, and more recently an obsession with baking cakes. He is the sole reason I took the Wilton's Cake Decorating course, and made Josh and Christabelle's wedding cake. I was so floored by what he was able to do that I knew that would become my next hobby.

I waited in line for about twenty five minutes to meet this guy. The last thing I waited in line that long for was to go into the Kube93 haunted house three years ago and I was steadily becoming more drunk the entire time, also a rare occurrence for me. I was with a group of friends then and it made the time go a lot faster. At least until we got to the front of the line and then realized that no one had bought tickets. Woops.

While i waited, i put my super speed reading skills to work and read through about forty-ish pages of his book. Two things jumped out at me right away.
The first being when he was introducing how his father and mother met. As it would just happen to turn out, Buddy's Mother came from the same city in Italy that my family hails from. Small world right?
The second was the story about how he came to start working in the Bakery when he was young. He described a scene that could have come straight out of my own childhood. Starting a fire in the cul-de-sac and what happens when your very Italian father finds out. They put you to work because then you're too busy to think up crazy stunts like that.

I bought the book, and though it was a little on the expensive side at 26$, After reading a bit more i find it was worth the money. Mostly because of the Carlos Bakery recipes in the back.

My initial impression of Buddy was somewhere along the lines of traditional squealing fangirl noises in my head. I do not do that often and usually it's only around puppies. Thankfully, i managed to hold onto my poise long enough to untangle my tongue.

"Hey there, how you doin?" Buddy asked me smiling warmly. He didn't sound at all like he felt he had to be there. The impression i got from him was rather the opposite. If i had to guess, i would say i was left with the impression that he genuinely enjoyed being there and meeting the fans.
"Not too bad, and yourself?" i heard myself ask as though we were casually meeting on the street. I thought to myself what the heck Anne? Tell him how much you love his show! my subconscious screamed at me. Thinking he probably heard that all the time, as we posed for the camera, I thought up a question I had always wondered.
"I got one question for you." i said as i held out my hand to shake his. He took it and firmly grasped it with his charming smile.
"wha da ya got?" he says in his Jersey accent.
"Do you actually like the taste of Fondant?" i asked as i reached to retrieve my camera from the lady.
"well when i roll it out, i roll it really thin so that it doesn't mess with the flavor." he says but he's got his look on his face like when he's caught off guard.
"oh ok." i said as the woman ushered me along. But he kept talking.
"But you aint gonna find me eating it straight out of the bucket. So no way." he said as he smirked and used his hands to pantomime the action of eating something. A common thing that i see in my own family.

In the brief seconds that i got to meet The Cake Boss, i instantly liked him. It's nice to meet celebrities who are first and foremost nice people and don't behave as though they're a gift from god. Seeing as how I've met two that are like this...i was glad to find my most recent idol was friendly and charming and seemed like a real down to earth guy. I'm excited to read the rest of his story and try out some of his famous recipes.

Municiple Liasons and Messing with my sister

ML: That's the title of the NaNo job I'm trying to skirt around.

What they do:
Do the Nano thing. 50,000 words in 30 days. Check
Coordinate events. Weekly write ins, pre and post celebrations. Check
Answer every email. Check
Presence in the Regional forums. yup, i do post a lot on there. Check
Engaging in light fund-raising. This is the only thing i haven't done officially. so no check here.

I'm pretty much doing all the necessary tasks to be a Municipal Liaison. So, why am i not one of them?

Well, it basically comes down to being chicken. Nervous to have my name emblazoned anywhere where people know to come to me for answers. To have this crazy thing called responsibility.

So my goal for 2010 NaNo...is to learn how to be a proper ML so that when 2011 comes around, I can jump in with both feet and not pull other Wrimos down with me.

Secondly...there's my sister. She's a lot older than me. She grew up in the time when you actually memorized all your friends phone numbers. Where if you were driving somewhere and were going to be late...well, you were just late. If you wanted to talk to someone far away but not call them...you actually wrote a letter and used these things called stamps.

So natrually, when it comes to technology, she's a little behind the times. She's scared of IM and only recently started talking. For her... ASAP is the kind of digispeak she understands.

A few years ago, we were writing e-mail back and forth and I used LOL. Thus began her education in Digispeak and Emoticons.

Sister: what's ROTF?
Me: Rolling On The Floor.
Sister: what's BRB
me: Be Right Back
Sister: what's Colon and the closing parentesies?
me: a smilie face.
Sister: a what?
Me:
Sister: I still don't see it.
Me:

So every now and then I will receive a text from her telling me something in digispeak.

Sister: "Yeah, i'll SYL"
me: It's CYL
Sister: no it isn't: See You Later
Me: Say the letter C and then say the word See
Sister: Oh! But why did they change it?
Me: same reason we use 4 instead of for
Sister: I don't get it

And every now and then, i can't help but mess with her.

Me: Here's a new digispeak for you. "LMK if you want more help"
Sister: what's digispeak?
Me: Same stuff as LOL
Sister: Oh... it's Let me know. I'm getting pretty good aren't I? Send me another one. I just learned BRB.
Me: IMO red is a better color than pink
Sister: In My Opinion :)
Me (with a devilish grin on my face): U might B lrnin kwik but ur still such a n00b
Me (when i didn't get a response) : IOW U need more practice. It B JOOTT ill always B able to mess with you over. JK. XD
Sister: ok, i'll figure these out and get back to you.

Sigh. Sometimes, I just can't resist. Now i just have to let her know that one is and Emoticon not Digispeak. Woops.

Hanging with the boys: Crude Humor

This is why i love hanging out with guys. The following scene would NEVER play out around a bunch of girls.
Warning: Crude Humor ahead.
Starring: Kenny, Cory, Colin, and I
The scene: Kenny is playing the online version of Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. Since you can only play one player online, the rest of us are distributed around the living room. Colin is also playing World of Warcraft on his laptop and Cory and I are half watching Kenny play the game, and half poking each other for no apparent reason.

Call of Duty 4 (COD4) has these announcements that pop up on the screen like "You were killed by" and "You killled" and "Airstrike called in by" Which are all followed by the online player's screen name. Kenny's screen name is Baka.

Naturally around a group of guys, they start talking about changing the screen name so that it sounds really funny when those announcements pop up. The names may not be 100% accurate, because there were so many suggestions flying around, it was hard to keep track.
Cory: "You were killed by a wet noodle!"
Kenny: "You were killed by your mom"
Colin: "You were killed by a rabid squirrel"
Me: "You were killed by your own stupidity"
Cory: "you were killed by the clap"
Me: "you were killed by a hammertoe"
to which Kenny looks over at me and says "what about a Cameltoe?"
Which natrually sparks off " You were killed by a Cameltoe" and we all laugh and decide that that is the winner thus far.

Shortly there after, Cory gets up to make food. I'm watching the names and all of a sudden the following pops up:
"You were killed by A_10_LB_Wang" I read off. Cory, in the kitchen looks at me, not sure if he heard me right and Kenny, somehow missed it even though it popped up on the screen he was supposed to be paying attention to. Even Colin looked up from his computer game to look at me. Sure enough, that was the other player's screen name. Shortly there after, someone by the name of "ThinkingofKY" joins the game. This spawns: "Yeah, you'll need some KY with a 10lb wang"

Needless to say: it just went downhill from there.
I love hanging out with guys, they're so much more fun!

I truely have my hillariously evil moments...

I had a great celibratory get together with four of the other Eastside Wrimers whom i've been getting to know this last month. They truely are some amazing hillarious people. I'm honored to have had the chance to get to know them and we're all so different but yet we can talk on a variety of subjects and never have those moments of scilence where no one knows what to reply with.

I have to say thought that by far the most exciting and hillarious moment of the night did not occure at the table where we convigned but in the bathroom. The story is as follows:
As i'm getting up from the table, one of the group jokes that, "Oh we're boring you so much that you're gonna leave"
By that point, I had already gotten around the table to where she was on my way to the bathroom. I respond "No, i'm going to the bathroom, unless you'd like me to go right here."
Her quick comeback: "Go right ahead"
Thankfully i had a comeback of my own all ready for her. I sat down on her lap. She kinda sputtered inchoheranty for a couple seconds, and then i got up and we all had a good laugh. However nature was calling so i made my way to the bathroom again.
I go to push open the door to the ladies room and am immediatly asaulted with cleaner by a trigger happy employee who was attempting to spray the door handle on the other side of the door. She get's this moritifed look on her face and freezes in that huddled pose for a second or two while we stare at each other with dumbfounded suprise before she starts babbling applogies.
Too precious a impulse to resist, I promptly throw my arms in the air and yell "I SWEAR OFFICER, I'M CLEAN!" While managing to keep a semi straight face.
Other patrons look around at my back to see what the ruckus is all about.
The poor probably 16 year old employee is turning bright red at this point as I'm trying to not laugh and i go into the stall and do my business. As i'm done, i flip the lock on the stall door and yell again "I'm comming out! Don't Shoot!" sending the poor girl into more helpless laughter as she's still trying to clean the bathroom.
I ask her if it's safe to use the sink. She's laughing too hard to say anything but she points to one of them and manages to nod.
Once i've washed my hands i go to open the door as she delberatly puts down the spray cleaner as if to assure me that she won't spray me again on the way out.
Again, the impulse is by far too overwhelming to resist. As i open the door, i look over at her and say "Thanks for cleaning me out!" and walk past a good number of very confused patrons who are looking at me like i'm crazy.

I love being silly and confusing people. I had my entire group laughing hysterically with the story.

Warning, Funny joke turns crude

I had dinner out wiht my buddy Kenny last night at our ususal place. They have a reasonably priced salad bar. So we get there and Kenny finished his first plate before I did, and when he went to go get his second one, i started looking around.
There was a sign, high up on the wall, for a Grocer. It advertized Fresh Bull Cheese.
When Kenny returned, I pointed it out to him and it started a rather bizzare and crude converstation:

Me: Cheese comes from milk right?
Kenny: Usually.
Me: how do you milk a bull
Kenny: Well, you could, but the resulting cheese might taste kinda funny
Me: I just don't see that as being a good sign. You get a bunch of farmers and tell them you want to milk their bulls. I don't think they'll be too keen on that.
Kenny: it must be that kind of stuff they sell to people who think they're super high class.
Me: ~thinking to myself after returning from getting my second plate of salad~ I just don't see how that is a good ad. You need nipples to milk something which makes the cheese.
Kenny: it would be high in protien.
~me kicks him under the table~

Reality TV Shows

I wouldn't say I'm a junkie by any means, but there are two reality shows that i enjoy watching. Survivor and the Amazing Race.

I watch these shows and think to myself...that looks like fun! Being honest with my skills, i think i could excel were i to be cast in either of these shows. Not necessarily win, but definitely cope better than these barbies in tube tops who start complaining at a single bug bite and these big strong men who can't abide eating things that didn't come from mama's home kitchen.

My roommate and I were talking about what our strengths and weaknesses would if, for some reason, we were cast.

Survivor:

Katherine would be the one who would want to make everyone happy and do anything to help. She's not the kind that would sit around and sleep all day long. She'd probably earn brownie points easily because she's always willing to get up and go take care of stuff. She's also very aware of what's going on around her and understands people very well.
Her weakness would probably be the physical challenges, naturally.

Me on the other hand, I'm competitive to a fault. I play people off of each other. And I don't quit. I've lived outdoors, I've gone a week without a shower, i can sleep on the ground. I'm a hard worker and i can't stand slacking off. My weaknesses, I'm not as good of a people person and i know my mouth would get me into trouble but just maybe i could be the quiet one. Also, the physical challenges, like running would kill me.

I think it would be great to see if i find it actually as hard as they say it is. Don't think they'd cast me though...i don't look that good in a bikini and no one really wants to see my pasty white ass running around the jungle.



The Amazing Race

Katherine said she might get distracted with all the cool countries she would be visiting. All the sights, people, cultures....it would be a great experience.
Me, I'd be Rob from a previous season: "you speak English??!! you're coming with us!" I would definitely be the competitive one and would need someone with me that could keep up, do the physical challenges, and has the ability to not yell at me. That excludes every single one of my family members. But when i get down, i get irritable. They would have to be able to weather that storm.

Just some odd thoughts. Some "What If"s.

Opinion Sparring

Yet another one of the many phrases I've developed. Because the way it goes back and forth between the parties involved is similar to a fencing match. you back off, simply blocking the attacks while they give their opinion, then attack and drive them back with yours.
While in a written debate today (via ole LJ where all the drama is) a friend and I defended our stances on certain clothing choices for men.
The choices were: zip up hoodies with a business jacket pulled over it
and boot cut jeans on men

My stance was firmly against both citing that the hoodie/jacket looks sloppy and like you don't care and the boot-cuts mean the man in question is either femminized or gay. This is fine if they are!!! I'm most certainly not against gays, or women dresssing their men without giving them any say whatsoever. I just wouldn't ever suggest it to be a good idea for someone that dosen't want that.
Said friend, liked them and as a clothing retail employee, recomended them. She also said in her post that we should "Feel free to disagree, and loudly." So i did.
*these are my opinions. I'm allowed to be judgemental and say things like that. Without opinons, nothing would EVER get done!

While my opinons don't really matter in the great scheme of things, I thought it was interesting where her friends all of a sudden jumped into our friendly debate and started treating me as a snark (mean spirited person to put it nicely). It went from calmly reenforcing our views to "you're a judgemental condescending jerk". Making me think, well, that makes you one too. :D way to go! hypocricy works so well in a debate! :D

ahhhgggg. I'm too old for this. Really. This is like junior high level debate. So i called the first friend, and apparently, we're just fine. No hard feelings at all. Then i decided to have fun with the two um......commenters

so i left slightly "condescending" responses for the two friends. To be honest, while i hope this doesn't escalate any further, i hope it stirs their pot just a liiiiiiiiittttttttllllleee bit. If i get treated like a snark, i'll respond like one. *shrug*

Sorry Becca, beat you to it

This weekend has been spent with my good friend Rebecca, whom i've known for many years and still have a great friendship with even though there was a seven or so year gap there a while ago, and Pat, whom i've only met twice. While we didn't go drinking which was planned, we did have some extremely amusing times:
Porch conversations: (Becca, i believe your porch is becoming famous)
preface: talking about the local cats where one of them had recently caught a baby rabbit.
Pat: the cats are keeping the population down of the hutches
Rebecca and I don't really say anything
Pat: is that what they call them, hutches of rabbits? oh no, hutches are what you put them in.
we all laugh.
Pat: well i decree that they will now be called hutches. Because I said so and it is so in the world of pat. It should be like that because that's what you put them in so that's what they should be called. {Pat sorry if i'm fubbing this a little bit}
we determine that the world of pat extends not even quite a full arms legnth around said Pat.
A little bit later i noticed there was a pair of shoes off the deck that looked like they had been there for a while.
Me: there are shoes down there
Becca: yeah, they've probably been downt there for about a year
Me: maybe they had babbies while they were down there. [all laugh] Pat, so are they called closets of shoes because that's what we put them in?
[lots of laughing]
Pat: score 1 for Anne

Later: [playing Soul Calper and Pat is on a winning streak with Kilik after Rebecca distinctly told him to not play kilik]
I decided to try my own hand at Kilik. what happens; Pat is pOwned! and i win the next 5 fights. My reason "i have a lot of rage"

Even later: [playing World of Warcraft where i'm in an area i shouldn't be and dying a LOT]
after dying....again...."you know what!?!?! MMMM!" i turned around to Rebecca and Pat "sometimes, that just says it all doesn't it?" they laugh and say yup.

Even later than that: [once i finally realize that Quest Helper doesn't send me to the most logicial places for my level first but to the most effiecient path (which tells me to go fight a monster 3 levels above me FIRST)
"whoever made quest helper needs to die a firey death....well maybe not. but they definetly need to get their thumbs screwed for this!!!"
pat: that doesn't sound comfortable

That's about all i can think of except, for the first time while at Rebecca's crashing for the night, Kitty did not see my toes as prey and attack me in the middle of the night. Though she did walk up and sit on my ass and proceede to wash herself at 6am....-_-