The Saga of the Purple Couch

A few years ago, while i was dealing with the Roommate Katherine, a co-worker asked me if i would like to take her twin size hide a bed love-seat off her hands. I went over and checked it out and it was indeed a beautiful couch. A nice dusty plum color with ample cushioning and no large stains or tears. Unfortunately, i didn't have that much room so i declined to take it.

Now that my furniture space has changed and i'm able to fit something like that, i started thinking about how nice it would be when guests stay over/or there's someone snoring in my bedroom, to have a secondary bed area that's easily available even during the half awake stumble that occurs in the middle of the night.

So i went back to the co-worker and asked if she still had the couch. Unfortunately she didn't, but she had given it to another co-worker of ours, (we'll call her Cindy). As it turned out, Cindy was looking to get rid of the very same couch well within the time frame that i was looking at and she would be very happy if i could take it off her hands. She assured me that it was still in good condition, and that she'd get her husband to clean it before they gave it to me. I thought i had just won the jackpot.

An exaggerated example
of the "children" stains i'm referring to.

I borrowed my dad's van and pulled up to their house to take the couch. Looking back now, i should have gone to look at the couch before hand. But i trusted Cindy because she's a wonderful lady and i had no reason to believe anything less than the best from her. I could see a couple smudges from little children fingers, but overall the couch looked in good shape. So the couch got loaded up and i started to drive off.

Then i started to notice a very strong odor. My first thought was that i had gone through a skunk plume. Then i realized the smell was not skunk, but dog and it was coming from the couch behind me. I ended up driving down the highway with the windows down several inches and the rear wing windows open in the pouring rain because the stench was overwhelming. At this point, i didn't feel that i could go back, but i seriously thought about letting it accidentally fall out the back of the van. I think it might just be one of those cases where someone who lives with the smell, no longer notices it after a while. Cindy is too sweet a person to intentionally mislead someone.

Still it was a couch that was complementary in color to my Red Couch Of Awesomeness. It was originally an 800$ couch and it had a fold out bed, and i was getting it free of charge. Surely i could salvage this couch. Surely even if i had to spend a little bit of money, this couch would be worth it in the end.

So despite Boyfriend Jon's dubious looks and tactful silences when i explained my plan to him, i set the plan in motion. I borrowed my mothers industrial rinse and vac machine, created solutions of hot water, a mild citrus scented soap, and a little Fabreeze and went to work cleaning this couch.

The stuffing from the back cushion went straight into the garbage because it smelled like dog piss. I figure that i can find replacement stuffing for less than 20$ so that's no big loss. And then i sprayed my cleaning solution and used a scrub brush on every single inch of fabric on that entire couch, inside and out. The rinse and vac has a clear cover where you can see what you're sucking up. I can't clearly convey the gross factor of what i saw, but needless to say, i went over certain areas several times until the water was coming out clear.

For five hours i worked on cleaning this couch. I know because i watched the entire extended edition original DUNE movie plus over two episodes of Battlestar Galatica. I worked hard the entire time, soaking, scrubbing, suctioning, and fabreezing the entire couch, top to bottom, inside and out. I even cleaned all the hardware inside for the hide a bed.

By the end, my back was screaming, my sense of smell was completely GONE, i had a massive headache, and my knuckles were scraped raw. I had hauled gallons of water for rinsing my scrub brush, filled my water spray bottle dozens of times and gone through over half a bottle of fabreeze.

BUT!!!!

This is not my couch, but an example
of the difference before and after

This couch looks GOOD now. All of the children and pet dander stains came out after the scrubbing, and i'm positive that i managed to get almost all the body oils and other stains out of the fabric. I'm going to have to trash the mattress and replace it with a foam pad, but overall, i think this couch is saved.

I might just be optimistic, but it's going to depend on getting my mother's amazing nose in there to tell if it still smells cause i still can't smell a thing. If it still smells after that, i'll probably get rid of it. But i'm hopeful that all that work will pay off and i'll have a new couch. Fingers crossed because this couch looks good, it's just all dependent on the lack of odor.

Good news and Dinner

Today Boyfriend Jon celebrated a huge success. I am so proud to announce that he has self published his first book on Smashwords. Jon wrote this story originally before we met and I've had the privilege to watch it transform through several revisions. It's a sweet, but realistic (if you can call talking animals with armor and swords realistic) tale to kick of the Guineawick Series. 

I'm not saying this just because he's my boyfriend. This story is well written and he agonized over the plot and character developments for months. It's a short light read that will be worth your time. Besides...it's free. You can check it out here. 

http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/130321

So to celebrate, i offered to cook a nice homemade meal for him. Whatever he wanted. Boyfriend Jon leaned back into the cushions of the couch and pondered for a moment with a goofy grin on his face, still riding the high of the 10 downloads so far. Then he grinned even wider and looked at me and said "Chili Dogs". 

"Are you kidding or being serious?" I asked dubiously. 

"No, totally serious." he responded, nodding decisively. 

I thought hard. My dad had made sure we all knew some decent basic recipies from his standard menu. But Chili Dog had never come up. I ended up having to ask Boyfriend Jon what a Chili Dog was. 

He was aghast again. This is not the first time a seemingly "normal" dinner meal was something that never graced our table. 

I was 18 or so before i had my first ever taco and burrito. It was at a friend's birthday party and i was amazed. I brought the idea back to dad and he agreed to try it. My mother was not so enthused. 

She has what we refer to as Food Allergies to keep it simple for waiters. Although she's not allergic to anything, she does get massive migraines based on the food she consumes. So our dinner table, never had any hot spices, too many onions, mustard, aged cheeses (mozzarella and american were fine but nothing else), no fresh baked yeast breads (she believes that the yeast is still alive after it comes out of the oven so she needs to wait a day for the yeast to 'die'. don't ask...i don't know where she got that logic), Lima beans (we as kids were still forced to eat them, but she didn't have to), citrus juices or zest, complicated gravy's, curry, sour cream or nuts. That's just the major things. She won't eat standard apples from the store because the peels have a "chemical" that organic apples don't. And other things like that. 

We were constantly hearing "i can't eat that" and having to check food labels against her list which grew every year. The food we got was plain and my brothers claimed it was tasteless. We learned to cope, mostly through garlic. 

I can't say i blame her for her caution either. I've seen her in the hospital throwing up, with the blinds drawn and we have to talk in whispers so her head doesn't pound. And my mom is TOUGH. She went through shoulder replacement surgery with no pain killers other than TYLENOL! 

So in the end when we parred down the burritos to food that mom could eat...it was tortilla round, re-fried beans, lettuce, plain cooked hamburger and some cheese. It wasn't nearly as appetizing as what i had tasted at the birthday party. 

So I know i missed out on a bunch of things, and sometimes Boyfriend Jon looks at me with pure shock that I've never had a Manwich or chili dogs, fried rice or chow mein, or something else that was a major staple of his childhood. To be honest i can't remember the last time i had a taco. 

And it's not a matter of being resistant to try things, but i don't automatically think of the same kind of celebratory food. For me, luxuries were Jeiger schnitzle, Eggplant parmesean, paprika chicken, and Perrogies. All in all i'm very interested in trying out chili burgers and seeing how i like them. We'll see how it goes.